FIFTY SHADES FUCKED
by angie8190
Summary: CHRISTIAN AND ANA BOTH HAVE HORRIFIC CHILDHOODS. BOTH ARE DEALING WITH TRYING TO MOVE ON BUT HOW CAN THEY DO THAT IF THEIR PAST KEEPS REVISITING THEM. CHRISTIAN IS 21 AND ANA IS 18.
1. Chapter 1- INTRO

Hello All. I have been reading fanfic for the last couple of months and have a lot of story ideas swirling around in my head and decided to give it a shot. I am always impressed with the courage people show

when posting their stories. I will always respect them and if I don't like them will just not continue reading. I will tell you that my preference is to keep to the characters personality as closely as possible to EL

JAMES version. So what this means to me is there will definitely be NO CHEATING in any of my stories. I always felt that these two characters would never do that. I have changed the background for both

Christian and Ana. Hope you all Enjoy.


	2. HERE COMES THE JUDGE

HERE COMES THE JUDGE

CPOV

Today's the day the Judge Hanson decides if he's going to make an example out of me. The fucking Paparazzi and their inappropriate questions and that one loser daring to ask the question that no-one has dared to ask, Mr. Grey, are you gay? Why in the fuck would people care if I was gay? Why would that make the rounds in the daily news? I broke the fuckers jaw, arm and leg and this time no amount of money can get me out of this. I had Dr. Flynn explain my Haphephobia to the Judge and how I have been like this for the last 17 years of my life. Carrick Grey, my father, one of the best defense attorneys in Seattle is representing me. This is how I met Jason Taylor my trusted CPO. Ros, my second in command, decided that this type of publicity would negatively affect GEH and I agreed to have Taylor protect me. GEH is my life. It's the only thing in my life that I can truly trust. The good news is Taylor is married to Gail so they both now live with me in Escala and she does the housekeeping duties. Gail is an excellent cook and the good news is she doesn't drool over me. I have tried in the past to have a housekeeper only to find them naked in my bed, office, bathroom, hell even once one of them waited for me naked in the elevator. My father breaks me out of my trance.

"Son, Judge Hanson will be out soon. You are not to say a word. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Sir"

The Judge enters the courtroom, we all stand and he asks us to be seated. "Mr. Christian Grey, can you please stand." It takes me a few seconds to do as I was told as I feel a panic attack is starting to take hold of me. I start to count backwards, 10, 9, 8 I am feeling like I can't get enough air in my lungs. I hear my father begin to speak, "Your honour, if you would give us a moment so I can get Mr. Grey's doctor here, it appears that he is suffering from a panic attack."

Flynn is immediately by my side and telling me to picture my happy place. I think about Charlie Tango and the feeling I get when I am flying. This seems to do the trick as I proceed to stand and face the Judge.

"Your Honour my apologies"

"Mr. Grey. I have read the background information regarding your life and the trials and tribulations. I also am aware of several conditions you suffer from that are a direct result from the abuse you suffered as a child. You have to understand that you cannot go around assaulting people because they say something to you. You live your life in the spotlight. You are Royalty to the people of Seattle being 21, attractive and a Billionaire. Your daily activities intrigue them. With that said you are also a great humanitarian. I have seen the astounding amounts of money you have donated, personally as well as helped raise for a number of charities within Seattle and throughout the world. That in itself is impressive Mr. Grey. I am offering you a deal. You will within the next two weeks do 50 hours of community service work. If you complete the hours of service I will personally see to it that this does not go on your permanent record. I am giving you a chance to change Mr. Grey. "

FUCK MY LIFE, 50 hours of community service within a two week period. I already don't sleep nearly as much as I should. I am more than certain that within the next two weeks I will be getting no sleep what so ever. But I guess I should be grateful that in two weeks this nightmare will be over. My father explains he has arranged for me to help with the Coping Together Foundation, my Angel, Grace Grey's Charity she founded the year she adopted me. I know that my mother is probably bursting at the seams with the knowledge she will be spending 50 hours with her loner son.

As we leave the courthouse Taylor is shielding me from the dozens of cameras and news people trying to find out what happen. As I climb into the Audi I decide I shouldn't prolong the inevitable. This is going to be a long couple of weeks.

"Taylor, take me to Seattle Hospital."

Hello All, I just wanted everyone to know that I have the outline for the first 15 chapters of this story. I am hoping that I will update often. I hope you enjoy!


	3. MEETING OF A GODDESS

MEETING OF A GODDESS

CPOV

We arrive at Seattle Hospital and I am not sure if I can actually walk through the doors. I am standing outside staring at the entrance. I have not been here in 6 years. I have no memory of that night. I do have horrible memories of the 72 hours that followed as they put me on suicide watch. I self medicated and they assumed I tried to kill myself. I think a part of me will always be angry with my family for allowing that to happen to me. That was the time that I vowed I would be a survivor. I would be in control of my life. I would never concede control to another human being again.

Taylor approaches me and gives me the confidence to walk through the doors. I enter the hospital and immediately remember the smell. I chant in my head, I am the master of my universe, i am the master of my universe, i am in control and walk towards the elevators to make my way to mother's office.

As I predicted the moment I got in the car, my mother called me tell me she was delighted that I would be helping with the Coping Together Foundation and that I should meet her for lunch to discuss what my duties would be. I chuckled at the thought of how excited she is that I will be spending time with her. In that moment a feeling of guilt washes over me. How can someone as wonderful as Grace Grey ever love me? If she only knew me, she would definitely not love me. I think this I try and limit my time with the Grey's.

As I go to open the door to my mother's office stop dead in my tracks to the vision of perfection that is sitting at my mother's desk. My heart stops beating. How is this woman in front of me not affected by me? I am not conceited but fuck i know I am good looking. They have nickname me Seattle's Prince, Billionaire Playboy, fuck I was on People's Sexiest Man Alive edition. I see a little V forming between her eyes. And then it feels like it happens all in slow motion. I hear the most angelic voice known to mankind.

"Hello is anyone there?" What the fuck is going on? She's staring at me? Those big blue hypnotic eyes and then I begin to see fear in her eyes.

"Grace, Katie? Please you're scaring me, I know someone is in the room." I finally find my voice " My apologies I am looking for Grace Grey. She asked me to meet her here"

"Are you her son Christian?"

"Yes that is me. And who are you?"

"Anastasia Steele, it's a pleasure to meet your Sir." She extends her hand and I go to shake it and feel a shock throughout my body. I think she felt it to as she pulled her hand away and placed it on her heart.

Her smile is bright enough to light up a room. And then it hits me like a tonne of bricks. My Goddess is blind.


	4. LUNCH DATE?

LUNCH… DATE?

CPOV

I take a seat in my mother's office and adjust my pants because 'big boy' is aroused. Hopefully my mother will take her time getting to her office until my situation is under control.

"How do you know my mother?"

"Grace saved my life 10 years ago. Circumstances had me leave Seattle and I couldn't stay in touch with her. But now I am back and I was able to reconnect with her. She truly is an amazing woman. You and your siblings are so lucky to have her in your life." Anastasia is right about that. Grace Grey is a remarkable woman. The best woman I know. Her face lights up when she speaks of Grace. I know that something horrible happened to Anastasia 10 years ago. I send Welch an email to do a full background check on Ms. Steele. There is something about her that makes me want to wrap my arms around her and never let her go. Where the fuck did that thought come from? What the fuck is wrong with me? I am saved from my self-deprecating thoughts as my mother enters her office. I stand immediately and give my mother a kiss on her cheek.

" Ana, Christian, I see you two have met. My apologies there is an emergency and I cannot have lunch today. You two go ahead and then you can fill me in on any ideas you have for fund raising at the Gala."

Anastasia frowns, I am not sure if she's nervous to spend time alone with me or if she is just disappointed that Grace will not be joining us. But the thought of having lunch alone with this beautiful woman is making me smile. My mother whispers something in Anastasia's ear that makes her blush.

I walk over to Anastasia and grab for her hand. She holds on to it as we say goodbye to my mother.

GPOV

What was that smile on Christian's face for? I have never seen my sweet child as happy as he was when I walked into that office. Could it be that he likes Ana? I hope so, Ana is a special young lady. As she was getting up to leave for lunch with Christian I noticed she was a bit anxious. So I whispered in her ear to breathe and remember she was safe with Christian. I think that seemed to calm her down. Ever the gentleman, Christian took a hold of Ana's hand and I couldn't help but smile. My precious boy who I love more than life itself is damaged. He's his harshest critic. No matter what that boy accomplishes I don't think he truly accepts how amazing he is. He doesn't have friends. He is alive, but not living. I will do anything to help that boy. When I first met Ana, she reminded me of Christian. Her background is somewhat similar and she has a lot of the same issues Christian has. Maybe they can help each other overcome their fears. Ok Grace, calm down, it's just lunch you're already planning the wedding. I smile at the thought of blue-eyed copper hair grand children running around. I can dream.

APOV

As Grace whispered in my ear to breathe and that I was safe with Christian I began to calm down. I have never been out to lunch with a man. And by all accounts Christian Grey was THE MAN. When I told Kate that I would be helping out with the Gala she went on and on about THE CHRISTIAN GREY. What did she call him, ahhhh, an Adonis. I smile at that conversation. She also talked about his impressive contributions to all sorts of charities. I think that makes him more interesting than his money and good looks. So here mousy Ana Steele is going to lunch with the gorgeous billionaire. I chuckle out loud.

"Penny for your thoughts Ms. Steele"

Oops I've been caught. I have to come up with something fast. "Are we leaving the hospital?"

"yes I thought you would enjoy lunch at The Mile High Club. I apologize I should of asked you if you were good with that. We can go back and eat at the cafeteria if you like." I start to panic knowing that the Mile High Club is one of the most exclusive restaurants in Seattle. All the rich and famous eat there. I don't think I am dressed appropriately to even clean the toilets in there. For god sakes I am wearing jeans and my converse and a cardigan. How old am I again? I really need to give in and let Kate work some magic and make me over.

"No it's fine Christian. I, I just don't think I am dressed " he cuts me off before I finish.

"Nonsense Anastasia, you are fine. And besides, I own the restaurant so when you are with me there is no dress code. You could be wearing a paper bag and still look beautiful" Beautiful? My whole body blushes. Christian Grey thinks I am beautiful? I pinch my arm to make sure that I am not dreaming.

"Owww" Nope definitely not dreaming.

"Are you ok Anastasia? Did you hurt yourself?"

I laugh and say I am fine just hungry.


	5. ELENA FUCKING LINCOLN

ELENA "FUCKING" LINCOLN

CPOV

As Anastasia and I walk into the restaurant I am not surprised that all eyes are on us. As I am greeted by staff and patrons I can feel the tension in her body.

"Anastasia, relax, you're safe with me. We have security with us and we will be heading to a private dining lounge so that no-one will disturb us."

"I'm ok Christian but thank you for being so thoughtful."

"Do you have any food allergies?"

"No I am not allergic to anything and will pretty much eat everything." I have to snap a picture of her, that smile is so bright it can light up the night. I tell her what's on the menu and she orders a pasta dish. Of course I add a few appetizers to the order.

"So tell me about yourself. Who is Anastasia Steele" For fuck sakes, I feel like a reporter. What the fuck is wrong with me? This girl is totally disarming and I feel like I have lost any ability to socialize. Granted, I don't do social anything.

APOV

"umm, I am turning 18 in two days. I just graduated from High School. My biological father died the day after I was born, my mother remarried two years later, she died when I was 8, I met Grace the day my mother died, and she introduced me to my adoptive parents Raymond and Margaret Steele. On the night of my high school graduation I was staying with my best friend Kate, when I went home the next day I found my parents dead. I passed out and woke up, blind." I can't breathe. Christian at some point must of moved beside me and starting rubbing circles on my lower back. I don't understand it but it is somewhat calming. I don't like to be touched, every since that monster came in to our lives. But I remember what Grace had said to me of how I reminded her of her youngest son and I don't know it seems just right. Christian starts firing off questions regarding the murder of my parents and I just tell him basically I know nothing. The police have ruled it a murder suicide but there is no way ever Raymond Steele would ever hurt the one person he loved more than life itself. And I think Christian actually believes me. I proceed to tell Christian that I have seen many specialists and their conclusion is that I am suffering from PTSD and eventually I will regain my eyesight.

"You know life is so ironic. There was a time in my childhood where being blind would of been a good thing. The stuff I witnessed, well let's just say I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Everything good in my life has been taken away. I graduated with honours and got a full scholarship to study English Literature at Washington State University but I had to defer because, well I don't think I could focus. I don't know if I will ever be able fulfil that dream."

"Anastasia, you are a very courageous young woman. I am sure that whatever you set your mind to you will accomplish."

I scoff at his assessment. Cant he see what complete train wreck my life has become.

"Christian, I am blind not for any medical reason, but just because I am crazy. I am completely dependent on others. The one thing in my life that always managed to calm me, reading, has been taken away because I cannot see the words. I have no family. I have one friend who is probably going to get sick of me." And that's when the flood gates open wide. I don't know why crying with Christian feels so cathartic. OMG I am such an idiot. If there was any chance of me getting a friend with Christian Grey I have probably blown it. I am so pathetic.

"Come, I will show you to the bathroom. You can freshen up." Yup, Mr. Thoughtful. As I wash my face I make a decision that for the remainder of my time with Christian, I will not cry. As I open the door to exit the bathroom Christian is standing there waiting for me to help me return to our table.

"Anastasia, I am sorry I didn't mean to bring up any painful memories."  
"It's fine Christian. I shouldn't have laid that all on you. I am sure that I have made this lunch awkward."

"you did no such thing. I have enjoyed my time with you immensely and i would suggest that we do this again soon. However, we will have to eventually talk about the Gala."

"oh yes, the Gala" I laugh with Christian.

As we are exiting the restaurant I feel a death like grip on my hand. Christian is shaking and I think he's starting to have a panic attack.

CPOV

I grab Ana's hand and smile as she seems so trusting with me. We are making our way to the exit and I spot her. Elena "fucking" Lincoln, sitting at a table with my brother Elliot and my father. I start to panic, what the fuck is that bitch doing in my restaurant. What the fuck is that bitch doing back in Seattle. Elliot spots me and starts to wave. I pretend not to see him but I think he has seen enough of my panic attacks to know that I am about to lose it. But I do manage to see the bitch smirk in my direction. I faintly hear my Goddess calling my name, I even think she's rubbing my forearm. And then it all turns black.

I think i have died and gone to heaven. I wake up and Anastasia is holding my hand wiping my forehead with a wet washcloth. I have no idea where I am, and I really don't care.

ELLIOT POV

"So Ana Banana, you do realize that my brother is ugly. I am definitely the better catch."

"Well once my roommate gets home, I will ask her who she thinks is hotter. But I have to warn you. She did call Christian an Adonis."

"Of course she did. Everyone thinks he's an Adonis. But they are all lying. It's because he's a fucking billionaire. The dollar signs are blinding"

"Elliot, shut the fuck up." Christian mumbles

"Welcome back sleeping beauty. I thought hitting on Banana would bring you back to the world of the living. What the fuck happen Christian. I have never seen you so happy in that moment at the restaurant and in a moment all your happiness was gone and you looked like you could kill."

"What were you doing there with Dad and Elena."

"Mrs. Lincoln just got divorced. She's back in Seattle and looking to open a chain of beauty salons. Dad thought I would be interested in investing. The business plan" Christian cuts me off before i have a chance to finish.

"Please do not go into business with her. She's evil. There are things, promise me El, promise me you won't go into business with her" and then for the first time ever I see tears streaming down Christian's face.

"I promise little bro, I promise." After I say those words, he looks so relieved. Ana is still holding his hand and wiping his face with a damp cloth. I don't know what is going on but i am going to get to the bottom of it. I call Taylor to come help me take Christian home. As we are about to leave, Christian walks over to Ana and says

"Despite all the drama, I really did have a great time today. I have programmed my phone number in the number 1 position on your phone." Ana just blushes. She truly is beautiful and my brother is truly smitten. I think Ana will be good for Christian, she seems to calm him. And she can touch him. Wait until Mom and Dad find out.

As we are about to leave a firecracker of a woman waltzes in and I, Elliot Grey, am in love.


	6. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MS STEELE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MS. STEELE

KPOV

Ugggg who the hell is knocking on the door at 7 am in the morning?

I get up and open the door to a nerdy little man and 6 foot plus gorilla in a black suit. I recognize him, part of moneybags security team so I let them in.

"Can I help you? Do you have any idea what time it is"

"I am sorry to bother you, we are looking for a Ms. Anastasia Steele"

"Banana get up there is someone here to see you"

I walk over to Ana's bedroom to help her get dressed and see what these guys want with her.

"Happy Birthday Steele" I pepper her face with kisses. She is my best friend but more like the sister I never had.

"Who is here, what do they want?"

"I don't know Steele, we have a guy who looks like Mr. Rogers and a guy who looks like Big Foot" She chuckles. I love seeing her smile. I help her to the living room area so we can figure out what these two men want.

"Good Morning Ms. Steele, my name is Barney" Figures a Flinstone character. "Happy Birthday Ms. Steele."

"Thank you but what are you doing here? Do I even know you?"

Barney blushes and starts to stutter. "uummm no, I work for Mr. Grey and he sent me over here to deliver some items to you." And like magic the moment he says Mr. Grey my Ana blushes and smiles her shy smile. I really think she likes Christian. I am going to have a talk with him. The last thing Ana needs is for her heart to get broken. She's been through so much and I am not sure anyone could endure anymore pain.

Our living room looks like an electronics store has exploded. There is a top of the line Mac Book, I don't even think the stores have it yet, an Iphone and an Ipad. Barney explains that he has developed a voice application that will allow Ana to activate any of the devices with her voice. This is truly amazing. I think Ana is in shock. Hell I am in shock. The app will allow Ana to have books read to her. Wow, moneybags has really outdone himself.

"OMG Katie, the entire British Library is on here." She squeals and then starts to cry.

"Steele, what's the matter"

"This is the most thoughtful gift ever. I told Christian how I missed reading and like magic he makes it happen. Katie how can I accept this? It's way too much."

I escort our guests out and go back to Ana.

"I think Christian really likes you Ana"

"Kate he's just being nice. He does a lot of charity work and helps with disadvantage people. I am just this plain-old blind girl with no family. I am sure he is doing this because of Grace"

"Ana, trust me, moneybags likes you. You couldn't see the look on his face when he was leaving. It was as if he didn't want to leave. And Elliot says he's never seen Christian take an interest in anyone."

APOV

She has got to be kidding me. By all accounts all you ever hear about Christian Grey is that he's an Adonis. Why would he be interested in me?

The technology he hooked me up with is truly amazing. I will be able to get lost in the classics. He paid attention when I was speaking, doesn't that count for something.

"Katie, I am going to go call Christian to thank him and then lie down for a couple of hours"

I sit on my bed and think of what I want to say to Christian. A simple thank you is not enough. He has been so kind. I don't even know what to say. Kate cannot be right. Why would Christian be interested in me?

The phone rings once

"Happy Birthday Anastasia"

"Thank you Christian"

"How has your day been so far?"

"umm, very interesting. Christian, I don't think I can accept the gifts" he doesn't let me finish

"Anastasia, please I had these items sitting around my office. You can put them to good use."

"Ok well then thank you." And I begin to cry.

"Anastasia why are you crying"

"You have been so kind to me and I don't understand why. I don't deserve your kindness"

"Anastasia, come to the front door I have brought breakfast for you and Ms. Kavanaugh, along with Elliot." OMG Christian is at the front door. I make my way to Kate's room.

"Go away Ana, I know it's your birthday and I love you but I will love you more in a couple of hours."

"Katie, Christian and Elliot are at our front door"

"Whattttttttttttt" Kate's squeal may have almost made me deaf. I am sure that both Elliot and Christian have heard her.

"Go answer it Steele I have to get dressed"

I make my way to the door and ask who it is. Elliot responds,

"The good looking Grey and his younger brother. Oww Christian that hurt" I am smiling as I open the door.

Someone picks me up me up and swings me around singing Happy Birthday. Ofcourse that was Elliot/ Christian comes over and pulls me away from Elliot and quietly whispers in my ear Happy Birthday and gives me a sweet little kiss on my cheek.

"You guys are so sweet, you didn't have to do this."

Christian responds, "We didn't do this. Gail my housekeeper did. Elliot stayed over last night and he decided to come with me this morning."

Katie comes out and Elliot whistles. Christian has made me a breakfast plate, telling me everything he has put on the plate and where it's all positioned. Like I said, Mr. Thoughtful.

"Anastasia, mother wants to have dinner tonight to celebrate your birthday. Of course Katherine you are invited as well. I didn't know if you had any plans but if you want I can pick you up around 5"

"That would be great Christian. Thank you so much. But can you pick me up from the hospital I am going in to work on the Gala"

"No problem" He is holding both my hands. "I have to get going to the office. I have programmed number 2 in your phone for Sawyer. He works for me. He will take you to the hospital or anywhere you need to go. You need to give him 10 minutes notice."

"Christian, I can take a cab."

"Please Anastasia, I pay him anyways, whether he does something or not. So he might as well be taking you where you need to go." I squeeze his hands and say thank you. He slowly leans into me and kisses me on my forehead. And like everytime we touch, I feel a jolt throughout my whole body.

"Laters Baby"

"OMG Steele, ok The Christian Grey has the HOTS for you. It's like written all over his face. I am going to get you ready for tonight." All of the sudden I am nervous. I have never been with a man before. I have never even been kissed before. Instead of being excited I am now really nervous. I don't know how I am going to survive the dinner tonight.


	7. BIRTHDAY DINNER AT THE GREY'S

BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION AT THE GREY'S

CPOV

I can't wait to pick up Ana. I have been trying to concentrate all day but my thoughts about my Goddess are consuming me. I have never felt this way about anyone. There is something so special about her. She makes me feel happy. I got her the ultimate present. I am sure she is not expecting anything from me considering how she reacted to the gifts I gave her this morning. But hell those were not birthday gifts, those were a necessity. It's 4:45 and we are pulling up to the hospital. I walk through the doors with confidence knowing I will see my Ana. I sprint down the hall to catch the open elevator and head up to my mother's office. I knock and open the door and there she is. I have to stop and catch my breath. She is just absolutely lovely.

"There is the birthday girl and might I add your looking very beautiful today."

Her blush and smile are so endearing. "Hi Christian"

"How was your day Anastasia?"

"It was very nice so far. Some of the volunteers took me for lunch and Luke bought me a cupcake"

Luke? Who the fuck is Luke and what fucker bought her a cupcake? The door opens and Sawyer is standing there.

"Ana I am leaving for the day, call me tomorrow and I will pick you up."

"Ok Luke have a nice night" Luke, Luke Sawyer bought my girl a cupcake. I text Taylor to find Ana a replacement CPO one who is gay and won't be buying my girl fucking cupcakes. Whoa, my girl. Where did that come from? And once again I am smiling like a loon.

"I am ready to go. Do you think I need to go home and change before we go to your parent's house?"

"Anastasia you look beautiful you don't need to change a thing"

As we are driving to Bellevue I am holding her hand and I just can't stop staring at her.

APOV

Driving to The Grey's Christian is holding my hand running his fingers back and forth across my knuckles. We are silent, but it's comforting. I feel like he's staring at me and the thought makes me smile as I bite my lower lip. I feel a tug on my lip

"Anastasia please bite your lip" And once again, blush. "We're here birthday girl. This night is all about you. I am going to make sure you have a great birthday"

"Christian today has already been the second best day of my life. You have already done so much, Thank you"

"You're welcome Anastasia, come, everyone is waiting for you."

As we enter the house Grace is there to greet us.

"Christian, Ana I am so happy to see you. Thank you for having dinner with us on your birthday"

"Thank you Grace for inviting me."

"This is my husband Carrick, honey this is Anastasia Steele."

"Happy Birthday and it's so nice to meet you"

"Likewise Mr. Grey and thank you for inviting me."

"Please call me Carrick. Let's go inside everyone is already here"

As we walk through the house I can hear Kate and Elliot and I think they might already be drunk.

"There's the Birthday girl" Kate engulfs me in a bear hug and starts giving me big wet kisses. Elliot joins in on the other side. I giggle and beg for mercy. Luckily Christian comes and pulls me out of their embrace. He starts wiping my face with a soft cloth and I close my eyes and lean into his touch. I love it when he touches me. It gives me butterflies.

During dinner the Grey's tell me that Mia is in away but will be back for the Coping Together Gala. Kate and Elliot seem to be getting along and Christian is making sure that I have everything I need. Kate announces it's time to open my presents. What? Why would there be presents. The dinner was more than enough. Christian gifted me with so many things this morning.

The Grey's give me a gift card to the mall. Grace says I can buy a dress for the Gala.

"Grace I wasn't planning on attending the event. I was just going to help with the setup"

"Nonsense Ana, you have worked so hard and you have come up with some great ideas and you deserve to be there. Besides, Elliot has asked Katherine to be his guest and I am sure that Christian doesn't have a date."

"Mother I was planning on asking. Anastasia would you do me the honour of attending the Gala as my plus one?"

"I would love to. Kate we need to go shopping this weekend."

CPOV

As Katherine announces it's time for Ana to open her gifts I send Taylor a text to bring Ana's gift in. My parents gave her a mall gift card and Katherine and Elliot have arranged a Spa day for Ana.

"I want to thank you all for your generosity today has been so special to me."

"Anastasia, you still haven't opened my gift"

"Christian, you brought all that stuff this morning. I can't accept anything else, it's too much."

Taylor walks in the room and Katherine's hand immediately covers her mouth. My mother has tears in her eyes, I think Elliot shouts way to go bro and my father just smiles.

"Ana, please give me your hand. I want you to meet someone. Ana this is Sally and Joey"

Ana extends her hand to shake Sally's hand. And then I take her hand to have her touch Joey.

"Joey is a service dog. He will be able to give you some of your independence back. Sally will help to get you two acquainted."

I think Ana is in shock. Katherine comes over to help calm her down. She is crying and Joey puts his paws on her legs and begins to lick her face. My mother comes over and tells me how proud she is of me.

"Christian thank you so much for everything. All I have been saying to you since we met is thank you. Joey is going to change my life." She pulls me into a hug and all I can hear is my mother gasping.

GPOV

"Carry, she's hugging him. He's letting her hug him." I start to cry as I have not seen anyone hug Christian with the exception of Mia. I have to admit I am a little jealous but happy that my sweet baby boy is starting to heal. Gretchen enters the room to announce that we have a visitor. Elena Lincoln. God I hate that bitch. There is something about her that never sat right with me. But Carry is her lawyer and he's friends with her husband, or should I say ex husband.

"Elena, you are interrupting a family celebration. What brings you here?"

"Grace darling, so nice to see you too. I have business with Carry"

"Carrick has an office and you should make an appointment." In that moment I hear Elliot calling my name. Christian is on the floor rocking back and forth screaming out no, please no. I get down on the floor and realize he's having a panic attack. I don't think I have ever seen one as bad as this.

"Mommy, please keep Elliot, Mia, Katherine and especially Ana safe. Please mommy don't let her hurt them"

My baby boy is crying and I am panicked I don't know what to do. Carrick has brought my medical bag, I am going to give Christian a sedative and he begs me not to.

"No drugs Mommy, please no drugs. I don't want to end up like Ella"

"Taylor, Elliot please help bring Christian upstairs." I notice that Elena has disappeared.

Christian is sleeping, Ana is sitting beside him holding his hand. Elliot is pacing.

"Mom, this is the second time he has seen Mrs. Lincoln and has had a panic attack. The other day he made me promise not to go into business with her. He said she was evil. Taylor, do you have any idea what this is about."

"I think Mr. Grey needs to be the one to answer your questions."

My heart is pounding. Part of the reason I dislike Elena is because over the years she has been very critical of Christian. Yes he was a problem child, but he was my child. Elena was a believer in corporal punishment. She said Christian needed it.

"Grace, Christian is starting to wake up." I go and sit on other side of Christian. He looks beautiful but so sad.

"Please baby boy, tell mommy what's wrong. I want to help you please let me help you"

And in that moment my world comes crashing down.

"Elena Lincoln raped me."

I love hearing what you all think about the story. I have to say I do have it all mapped out but sometimes getting to where i want this story to be is more difficult than i ever imagined.


	8. REVELATIONS

Overwhelmed by the positive responses I have been receiving. Thanks to all the new followers and for the reviews. Good or bad I welcome them. The enthusiasm inspired me to get the next chapter completed.

REVELATIONS

CPOV

"Elena Lincoln raped me"

Mother looks like she has stopped breathing. Elliot and my father are standing like they have been frozen in time. Anastasia has buried her head in my arm and is crying.

"Taylor can you make sure that Katherine doesn't come up here." He nods and goes to leave.

"What I am about to tell you only Taylor, Welch and myself know. I would ask that you not say anything until I am done speaking because I am not sure if I would be able to continue." Anastasia has now climbed into the bed with me and has her one arm wrapped around my waist laying her head on my stomach.

"I was fifteen and I was just kicked out of Seattle High. I was depressed, drinking, not sleeping because my nightmares were only getting worse. My therapist wasn't helping. Every night faithfully I would pray for one thing, that when I would eventually fall asleep that I wouldn't wake up in the morning. I was causing so many problems with our family. My actions led to Mia and Elliot not having as much time with you because you were always so focused on helping me. I left that day thinking that I would just walk away and never return and you would all be happy." My mother starts crying. I have to look away because I am going to lose it. I take a deep breath.

"That day I was walking around downtown, it was raining and I was soaking wet. A car pulled over and rolled down the window and told me to get in. I realized it was Mrs. Lincoln so I went with her. She promised to dry my clothes and not call you or Dad. She said she understood what I was going through and would help me. When I arrived at her house I took off my clothes and had a towel wrapped around me. She offered me a cup of hot cocoa. That was the last thing I remember before waking up in her dungeon. My arms and legs were tied. I tried to get free but I couldn't. My screams were what woke me up, she was running her hands up and down my back." My heart is beating so fast I think I am going to pass out. Ana is still wrapped around me but she has moved her hand and placed it over my heart. I gently kiss the top of her head.

"The more I screamed the more she beat me. She was getting angrier with every beating. I wasn't" oh god how do I say this "I wasn't getting aroused. The more she tried and failed the more she beat me. She then attached a strap on and well you can imagine the rest. Once she let me go I starting running and ended up at that motel you found me in. I managed to pay someone to buy me booze. And I started drinking. I drank for days until you found me. I didn't think I was trying to kill myself I just wanted to forget that night. She told me when I was leaving that you were considering sending me to Military School and that you wished you never were on duty the night you met me." I close my eyes as I can't stand to look at Elliot and my father who are now crying.

"My darling baby boy, I promise you she lied to you. I never said those things to her. I never regretted the day I met you. It was the exact opposite. I knew that I was going to take you home. I knew that I was going to be your mother. I stayed with you for two days. Your father finally came by to see me and said he wanted to be introduced to his soon to be son. I didn't even have to say anything to him. He knew I wanted you." Listening to my mother I start to calm down a bit. For the last 6 years I thought she regretted adopting me. I can't believe how fucked up this all is.

"Everyone is staying overnight. Christian you need to sleep. We will continue this tomorrow. Please don't ever doubt that I love you." She leans in to whisper in my ear, "I would give up my life for you, I love you so much, please believe in that." She kisses my forehead, my eyes and my nose and goes to leave the room. I am still holding Ana and she's still crying.

"Please don't cry for me, I don't want to be the reason why you are crying."

"I am sorry that happen to you. It's just so sad. But you survived. Don't ever forget that you are kind and generous and caring and very lovable." She holds me like she holding on for dear life. I don't want to let her go but I don't know if I can have her sleep in my bed with my nightmares I might hurt her. She's already been hurt so much.

"Ana, I don't want you to leave but I have nightmares, I am scared I am going to hurt you."

She gently touches my face and says "Christian, I trust that you would never hurt me intentionally. Please don't worry just try and close your eyes and get some rest. I will be here tomorrow when you wake up"

I kiss the top of her head and tell her "sweet dreams" my Goddess. And for the first time in my life I feel at peace.


	9. THE AFTERMATH

THE AFTERMATH

CPOV

I wake up from one of the best nights of sleep that I have ever had. I take a look to my right and notice my Goddess is sitting up by the headboard with her Ipad and listening to either music or a book. She has her eyes closed, a huge smile on her face and is biting her lip so hard I am surprised it's not bleeding. Although last night everything I had ever hoped to hide in my life was revealed I feel like a weight has been lifted. All the self loathing because of the lies that woman told me. All the time I spent staying away from the people who love and care about me. I pushed them away and they still came back for more. I am going to try and make it up to them. And this beautiful creature who promised me she would be here when I woke is here. God only knows how long she's been awake. I gently rub her leg to let her know I am awake. She smiles and blushes and pulls out her earphones.

"Good Morning Sunshine. Did you sleep well"

"I think it's more like Good Afternoon and yes it was the best night's sleep I have ever had. How long have you been awake? You must be starving, it's after Noon."

Ana giggles "I have been up for a few hours but Grace came by and offered me breakfast in bed. I wanted to be here when you woke."

"I am sorry for ruining your birthday celebration."

"Christian don't be ridiculous. I had the best birthday. And my new friend got to hear how much his family values him."

"Friend? Not even best friend?"

"Well you might have to battle that out with Katie. How about you are my Best Male Friend. Does that work for you?"

I smile and tell her I will take anything I can get.

"Christian, can you guide me to the shower, Mia has left me some clothes"

I get out of the bed and pick her up bridle style. She squeals and begs me not to drop her. I bring her to the shower turn on the water and place a towel for her by the door. I tell her to holler for me when she's done and I will help her get ready. Friend, I have never had a friend before. But I want more with my Goddess. So much more. I don't want to push her. I am not even sure that I am even ready for a relationship with her but I hope one day she wants more.

APOV

I can't believe all that happen last night. My heart hurts for Christian. But he's a survivor. He has people around him that love and cherish him. His family will always be there for him. It makes me miss Ray and Margaret. I felt like Christian all those years ago. And they took me in and loved me more than I had ever thought possible. I wish I had more time or at least one last opportunity to tell them how much I valued them. I am starting to believe that they guided me back in to Grace's life. If I never reconnected with her I would never met Christian. He has truly been a godsend for me. He has given me back so many joys that my blindness has robbed from me. I lost it yesterday when he presented me with Joey. He's my friend. But I think I want more. I feel so safe when I am with him. He was so cute last night trying not to fall asleep because he feared he would have a nightmare and hurt me. What he doesn't know is that I suffer from nightmares as well. Oddly enough we both slept the entire night. I finish in the shower and Christian calls for me if I am decent and ready for him to help me. I wrap myself in the towel and wait by the shower door. He makes his way into the bathroom and picks me up once again and sets me down on the counter of the sink. He proceeds to brush my hair and starts to dry it.

"Would you like me to braid your hair?"

"Billionaire CEO can braid hair? Is there something you are not telling me Christian" I giggle

"When I lived with my birth mother she was always so high or so battered that I use to brush her hair and braid it."

He proceeds to tell me about his life from when he was born until he was adopted by the Grey's. My tears start to fall

"Have a look at my back."

He pulls on the towel and he gasps. "Oh my God Ana, we have the same marks. I have them on my back and front. That is why I couldn't bare to be touched. I always felt the burn when anyone touched me."

"I have them on my back, front, legs and buttocks."

Christian pulls me into a hug and just holds me. My knight and shining armour who wants to be my friend. The thought makes me a little sad.

"Christian, I want to touch your face. I want to try and picture you in my mind."

"Touch away" I start on his forehead and try and feel every line. I move to his ears, back to his cheeks, down the front of his nose. I guide my finger across his chin and then back across his lips.

"So how ugly am I" I frown because part of me thinks Christian believes that he's ugly on the inside.

"Do you want to know what my birthday wish was? I wished that if I could only see one thing for the rest of my life, I would want it to be of your face. I want the image in my head of the person who in less than a week given me my life back. I had abandoned all hope that there were good people left in this world. I had toyed with the idea that I would be better off dead. And I accepted the idea that if I did infact survive I would never truly be living. You Mr. Grey have given me hope. And I will forever be indebted to you which means we will forever be best friends."

CPOV

My parents are waiting for us in the library. I am grateful that Elliot has taken Katherine away for the day. As we enter the library I see that my parents look like they didn't sleep last night. I am sure that my revelation shocked them both to the core. I seat Ana on the couch and go up to my mother and kiss her gently on her forehead. I so want to make the pain go away. I guide her to sit next to me and hold her hand. With my other hand I reach for Ana's hand. I feel like I can face anything. I have not one but two beautiful Angels with even more beautiful souls on my side. We make small talk but I know that eventually we would have to talk about the heavy stuff.

"Son, you said that Welch and Taylor know about this. How did that come about? I want to know everything, I am going to ruin that woman"

"Two years ago when I closed the deal that put me on the map, I had a meeting with her. I told her that if she didn't leave town I would go to police and report her for the rape. I basically ran her out of town. She knew that I had the means to ruin her life. I promised that if she stayed out of Seattle I would keep her secret. She left town and I felt liberated. But I never felt free. I knew that the statue of limitation would run out on my 21st birthday. So last year I had Welch hire someone to monitor her activities. I wanted to know her every move. I was consumed with the reports of her doing the same things to other boys and girls, I even had Welch contact his buddy on the police force and he said because of the way we obtained the information had been illegal we couldn't really do anything about it. We needed for people to come forward. So Welch began to collect all the information. A couple of months ago he found video's of her"

"Christian were there videos of you?" The look on my mother's face is one of horror. I look down to the ground and nod my head in confirmation. She starts to cry. My father has just about finished off a bottle of scotch.

"Welch has deleted all video's and photos of me. I am not sure how but he managed to get into her safety deposit box at Seattle National Bank to ensure that she didn't have any other copies. I do believe that any evidence linked to me has been incinerated. I do have a list of victims that are willing to come forward to ensure that she is prosecuted. Some of them, well some of them believe that they wanted it. But there are dozens that want her to pay for her crimes. Taylor has contacts all over the world and let's just say in the next week or so Elena Lincoln will never see the light of day outside of her jail cell."

"Christian please let these young men and women know that I will be willing to assist with any legal services pro bono in obtaining damages from that evil witch."

"Thank you Dad. I will let them know. Now if you both don't mind I just want to spend the rest of the day forgetting that part of my life. I want you to both to know I love you and thank you for your support. I am going to say thank you to the both of you every day for the rest of my life for adopting me and giving me Elliot and Mia. And for the first time in 17 years I give my mother the hug that she has always wanted.


	10. CONFESSIONS

CONFESSIONS

 _ **Wow, reviews really do inspire me to keep going and this is why I wrote 3 chapters in one day. I would like to say anyone wanting answers regarding plot, feel free to PM me, I don't want to ruin the story for those who don't want to know but I am more than happy to share my outline with those in private. I have to admit when I find stories I often look at the last chapter to make sure it's a story I want to read, I know I am a freak I just don't want to read, cheating stories, stories of death etc. Enjoy.**_

APOV – 3 months later

In the last three months so much has changed. Katie has moved to Portland to study journalism at Washington State University. I miss her so much and she will be home in a couple of weeks. We talk almost daily but it's sometimes not enough. Christian hired me as a receptionist on his floor and with that came an apartment at Escala on the floor below his. He hired me a tutor so I can take online courses so that if I ever want to go back to school I won't be that far behind. Sawyer is my full time CPO, a necessity when you are hanging with Christian Grey.

Elena Lincoln was arrested shortly after my birthday. As she was pleading not guilty one of her victims shot and killed her in the courtroom. Christian and I went to Aspen for the weekend to get away from it all. The entire Grey family was relieved that he could finally close the chapter on that part of his life. Grace introduced Christian and I to Dr. Flynn. We have both being going to therapy to help us overcome our issues. I made a friend who works at the local coffee shop, Jennifer. She reminds me a little of Kate. On Thursday nights we have Pizza and Movie night with Christian.

I am not sure why I even have an apartment at Escala, because the majority of time I sleep at Christian's. We have both discovered that when we share a bed neither of us have nightmares. There is a comfort that he brings me which I can't even begin to explain. In the last three months our relationship has not progressed to anything further than friends. We are best friends and at this point I am not sure I even want to jeopardize my friendship with Christian by admitting I have feelings for him. If I am honest with myself I love him. Well he knows I love him, but I am in love with him. He is the most thoughtful, kind and beautiful person I have ever known. I have been having talking to Flynn about my feelings for Christian along with my fears of losing his friendship if I were to confess that I want him more than a friend. I have also been experiencing flashes of light every now and then. I could swear one day I saw Christian's face flash before me but I have kept it a secret from Christian and have only shared it with Flynn. His belief is that once I let go of my fear my eyesight will return.

This morning my world was rocked. Jennifer stopped by to talk to me about Christian. She has developed feelings for him and wants to spend movie night with him alone. Christian is hosting movie night tonight and she asked me to come up with an excuse not to go tonight. Jennifer doesn't know that most nights Christian and I sleep together. I smiled and told her no problem but inside I was screaming, no. Christian came to pick me up for work and I told him I wasn't feeling well and would like to take a sick day. The one thing I cannot do is lie to Christian.

"Ana what's wrong? There is something more that you are not telling me"

"Christian I just want to stay home under my covers I am not feeling well."

He places his lips on my forehead.

"Ana you don't have a fever, you don't even look flushed, however you do look sad. Please let me in and tell me what's wrong"

"Christian I just want a day to myself to be left alone. Can you please go to work and leave me alone."

I feel bad for pushing him away but Jennifer is really nice and Christian has shown no romantic interest in me and he seems to get along with her so who am I to get in their way. How is he ever to date if he's always hanging with me. The thought of him dating Jennifer, or anyone is depressing. I crawl under my covers and cry for the rest of the day. Christian being Christian has sent Grace over to check on me.

"Ana darling please tell me what's going on. Christian is frantic with worry and he knows it's more than you are letting on."

"Do you remember my friend Jennifer. She wants to date Christian. She asked me not show up for movie night tonight so she can spend the night alone with him. She thinks he's too attentive to me because he's always making sure that I have everything I need and that he feels uncomfortable to pursue her because of me. Grace, I love him and he doesn't feel the same. But our friendship is holding him back from finding love in his life. And I don't want his devotion to me as his friend to miss out on something that could bring him joy."

I am having my first panic attack in so long. Grace is telling me to breath. To think of my happy place but every happy place has to do with Christian which makes me cry even more.

"Have you expressed your feelings to Christian?"

"No I can't I don't want to lose my best friend. He doesn't feel the same way. He treats me like a best friend. I know he cares about me but he is not in love in me."

"Ana please talk to him. Please trust me and talk to him."

CPOV

I am not sure what is going on with Ana but I don't believe she is physically feeling sick. She is hiding something from me. I sent mother over to see her and she told me to go and talk to Ana. I could barely concentrate on anything today. My thoughts were consumed with Ana. I texted Gail and requested Chicken Noodle soup and Mac and Cheese. I know Ana needs some comfort food. I go to my apartment to take a shower and change before heading out to Ana's.

Taylor announces that Jennifer is here to see me.

"Hello Jennifer what's up."

"It's movie night Christian. I went to go pick up Ana but she said she wasn't feeling well and that I should come up here myself." Why would I want to do movie night without Ana? And Ana would never tell her to come here by herself. She knows how private I am with my life. She must know I only tolerate Jennifer for her sake and that I have no interest in being friends with her.

"Oh I am sorry I thought once you knew Ana wasn't feeling well that movie night would be cancelled."

"Christian you and I can spend one night without Ana. What is it with you two anyways? I like you Christian and I think we can be mutually beneficial to each other. Even Ana approves I told her today that I wanted to spend time with you alone." She winks, licks her lips and walks closer to me.

It's all becoming clear to me. I shake my head and tell Jennifer she needs to leave.

"Christian what's wrong with you? You have never been photographed with a woman. Are you gay?"

I chuckle, shake my head in disbelief and call for Taylor.

"Taylor, please see Ms. Morrison out. And make sure you change the elevator codes."

"Yes Sir"

I send a text to Welch to do a full background check on Jennifer Morrison. I am thinking she got close to Ana to get close to me.

Gail has packed dinner and I head out to see Ana. I think it's the first time that I have smiled all day today. I let myself in and I can hear voices coming from Ana's bedroom.

"Ana he got his goon to escort me out of his apartment. He basically said why would he want to watch a movie with me if you weren't there. Did you say something to him? Did you tell him that I asked you to stay away? Did you set me up?"

"What, no Jennifer. Christian knows me. So when he came by he knew that I wasn't telling him the truth by telling him I was sick. I should of never of lied to him."

"Ana do you have feelings for him? Are you in love with him? Cause you know you have no chance to be with him. He pity's you."

"Get out Ms. Morrison. Get out and never come back. How fucking dare you tell Ana why I am with her."

"You may be able to kick me out of your apartment but you can't kick me out of Ana's."

Joey is cuddled with Ana on her bed. My Ana is crying and it's making my heart hurt. I send Sawyer a text to come to Ana's place to make sure Ms. Morrison is escorted of the premises.

"Sawyer, please make sure you speak with reception downstairs that Ms. Morrison has no more access to Escala."

I go to Ana's bathroom and get a wet wash cloth. I sit on her bed and begin to wipe her face. She's still crying.

"Christian I am sorry I lied to you. Jennifer wanted to spend time with you alone. I don't want you deny yourself a relationship because you feel sorry for me."

I take her face into my hands. "I want you to listen to me. Are you listening?" She nods a yes "I don't do anything that I don't want to do. I am where I want to be. I am who I want to be with. I. Want. To. Be. With. You."

I lean in and kiss my Goddess. This is where I want to be.


	11. CONFESSIONS OF THE HEART

CONFESSIONS OF THE HEART

APOV

Joey is cuddled next to me on my bed. I am crying at all the hurtful things Jennifer has said to me. I really thought she was my friend. Was she using me to get closer to Christian? We were both together when we met Jennifer and then the few times I was there with Sawyer she kept talking to me telling me we should hang out. I miss Katie so much I thought it would be nice to have a female friend. Christian called Sawyer to remove her from my apartment.

I feel the bed dip as Christian sits next to me and starts wiping my face and forehead with a wet wash cloth. This simple gesture has me crying even more.

"Christian I am sorry I lied to you. Jennifer wanted to spend time with you alone. I don't want you deny yourself a relationship because you feel sorry for me."

He takes my face into his hands and my heart starts beating fast. "I want you to listen to me. Are you listening?" I nod yes "I don't do anything that I don't want to do. I am where I want to be. I am who I want to be with. I. Want. To. Be. With. You."

The next thing I know is Christian is kissing me. It's soft and sensual. He glides his tongue along my lower lip and I open my mouth. I feel like I am having a heart attack. My heart is pounding so fast. I imagined this moment for the past few months but I don't think I was ever expecting it to be this consuming. I feel the room spinning. As he pulls away and places his lips on my forehead, I take my fingers to touch my lips.

"Christian" Before I even get a chance to say anything he starts with one of his panicked monologues.

"Before you say anything please let me say this. I am sorry. I didn't mean to kiss you. Well I did want to kiss you. But not like this. I have wanted to kiss you the moment I walked into my mother's office and saw you seated behind that desk. I have been so scared, scared that you don't want me, scared that if we did try and fail it would ruin our friendship. When I first started seeing Flynn he told me I should let you know how I feel but I felt that I shouldn't. That I didn't deserve you. You are beautiful, kind, you have heart of gold, oh my god I could go on for hours. You deserve the best. I felt dark and unworthy. And then Flynn said something"

 _ **CPOV flashback**_

" _Christian what is going on today. You seem out of sorts, more than usual that is. Does this have anything to do with Ms. Steele?"_

" _It has everything to do with my Ana. I can't concentrate anymore. I miss her even though she works right outside my door. I hate going out of town for meetings. Hell, I hate even going to the conference room for a meeting. I want her around me all the time. She makes me feel, normal. She makes me want to be better. She makes me want to have a life"_

" _If you can make a list of the things you think Anastasia deserves to have in life what would it be"_

" _I want her to feel safe. I want her to feel loved. I want her to smile. I want her to be happy. I want her to be happy with me."_

" _Christian is Ana safe?"_

" _Ofcourse she is John. You are so overpaid. You know that I have a CPO for her. She will always be safe"_

" _Does Ana smile, is she happy?"_

" _She smiles all the time. Simple things make her smile. If I bring her flowers after she smells them she smiles. When I feel like reading I will read out loud so Ana can experience it and she smiles. When I go all Mr. Saftey on her, as she calls it, she frowns but then she smiles. She smiles when Joey is with her. And Ana has so much love in her life. My parents adore Ana. Elliot thinks of her as another little sister and Mia, god Mia you can't keep her away from Ana"_

 _I stand up and start to pace. Ana has all the things I want her to have in life. And I can give her those things. Including my love. I can give Ana my love. And then I start to panic._

" _But what if she doesn't feel the same John and I fuck up our friendship. I can't live without Ana in my life and I will have her any way I can."_

" _Christian go talk to Ana, I think you will be pleasantly surprised with the outcome."_

 _End of flashback_

"Ana I want to give you all those things. I think I can. I know I am still so messed up but I want you, I want to be with you. But in the end I want you to be happy. That is all I want. And I would be thrilled if you were happy with me. I am not going to lie, the thought of you being with someone else hurts. But I promise my wish for you is happiness. I am sorry I interrupted you I just had to get it out. What is it that you were going to say."

She giggles and my heart sinks. Is she finding my declaration funny?

"Christian, I was going to say more, kiss me some more" Smile, blush. God she's so beautiful.

"Ms. Steele, *kiss* you *kiss* are *kiss* a* GODDESS *kiss* You *kiss* are *kiss* mine. *Kiss*

"Yes yours Christian, only ever yours."


	12. THE LONG WEEKEND

THE LONG WEEKEND

APOV- FRIDAY

I wake up feeling hot. Christian has his whole body wrapped around mine. My hand goes to my lips. They feel swollen. Last night after Christian's confessional we made out for hours. I had seconds where I could see things. I saw his eyes. His beautiful grey eyes. In that moment I saw love. I still have not told anyone other than Flynn about the brief moments where I can see. The truth is I am scared. I don't want to give him false hope. To say Christian was relieved that I want us to be more than friends is an understatement. But I wanted to tell him about all my insecurities regarding our relationship. And I wanted him to not brush them off but have an honest conversation.

"Christian, does me being blind bother you? Do you wish I wasn't. I mean I know you wish that I can see but you know there is a chance that I might never see again. Is this something that you can live with? Are you ashamed of me? I am not independent I don't know if I ever will be. You're a Billionaire, Greek God, even Kate calls you and Adonis and I can't even style my own hair. Put on makeup. I feel like I don't belong in your world. There are so many women out there who are better suited for you. Maybe Jennifer is right and you pity me so your feelings are skewed."

"Anastasia, we are going to talk about this now and it will be the last time it is ever mentioned. I am not ashamed of you. Do I want you to get your sight back of course I want that for you. I don't give a shit that you can't style your hair to perfection or apply the correct amount of makeup. I want you to be able to see Buckingham Palace when I take you to London. I want you to able to see the Eiffel Tower when I take you to Paris. I want you to be able to look into my eyes and see my soul when I tell you that you Anastasia Rose Steele are the very best thing in my life. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. You give me hope, hope for more. A life filled with light, love, laughter, happiness. And if you don't get your eye sight back, then I will still take you to London and Paris and I will be your eyes. I will describe everything to the littlest detail. And when I tell you I love you I will place your hand on my heart so you can feel that it beats for you and only you." And he did exactly that. Christian declared today was the start of a long weekend. No matter how much I argued with him he said he was the CEO and we could both take the day off. He has a surprise for me and Joey. I could just stay in bed all day and make out with my man. Yes, I Ana have a man.

"Penny for your thoughts." Christian is kissing my neck and nibbling on my ear and I think he just licked me.

"Mr. Grey I am hot and I need to pee. Those are my only thoughts at this moment."

He plants a wet kiss on my lips and picks me up out the bed to bring me into the bathroom. Strange, I didn't hear him leave.

"Christian"

"yah baby, you need something"

"umm, yes I need you to get out of the bathroom so I can go." He lets out a laugh, comes and gives me a kiss and says he will start breakfast.

After getting showered and dressed I walk out to the kitchen area. Christian places my tea and breakfast in front of me and says he is going to run upstairs to shower and change because he still has a surprise for me.

"What should I wear."

"Anything my love. I will be back in half an hour to pick you up. Joey, take care of Ana for me while I am gone." He licks me again which makes me giggle. I think Christian might be a little jealous of Joey and the thought makes me laugh.

I loved my surprise. We spent the day out on The Grace. Ray use to take me fishing so being on a boat is something I love. But I don't think The Grace is like a fishing boat. Christian had me wrapped in blankets as we sailed around the sound. It was a little chilly but Christian's body always gives off so much heat I just made him cuddle with me the whole time. We ended up having dinner at a bar located near the Marina. As we were heading out Taylor informed Christian that there were reporters surrounding the SUV waiting to get the money shot of Christian Grey and his lady friend.

"Christian why don't you leave with Taylor and I will leave with Sawyer and meet you at Escala"

"No way baby, I am not hiding you from anyone. I love you Ana and I don't care who knows it."

As we exit the restaurant Christian puts one arm around my waist and pulls me close to him. He tells me not to say anything to the media.

CPOV

I hate these fuckers. They really have nothing better to do. Why would who I am dating make front page news just boggles my mind. Taylor and Sawyer manage to keep the crowd away from us. And then the questions start.

"Mr Grey, who is the woman on your arm?"

"Mr. Grey, are you two dating?"  
"Mr. Grey, is spending time with a blind woman part of your community service." Who the fuck does this guy think he is. I can feel Taylor come up close to me.

"What's your name and who do you work for?"

"Hyde, Jack Hyde, Kavanaugh Media."

Dumb fuck. I think to myself not for long. "This beautiful woman is my girlfriend."

I send Elliot a text to let him know what this Hyde fucker said about Ana. I know he's hot heavy with Katherine and by tomorrow morning she will make sure her father fires the asshole. Hell she might even hang him by his balls.

Once we get in the SUV Ana is shaking "Ana are you ok? Do you need me to get you something?"

She shakes her head no. I take off her seat belt and pull her into my lap. She buries her head in the crook of my neck.

"Baby I am sorry." I start rubbing circles on her back and she starts to calm down. She falls asleep in my arms. Once we arrive at Escala I carry her out of the car and into my bedroom, undress her and put her in one of my shirts. She has so many scars on her body. I kiss every single one of them. I haven't told Ana but I have Welch looking into Stephen Morton, husband number 3. He's the main suspect in the murder of Ana's mother. But he disappeared the night Ana was brought into the hospital. He's the one who gave Ana her scars. The night she told me about her childhood when I went to the bathroom I started vomiting. I let Welch and Taylor know that I want this guy found. I don't think I am going to get any sleep tonight. The site of those scars on my beautiful Goddess wont allow my brain to shut down. So I bring my laptop in the bedroom and get some work done stealing glances at my beautiful girl. My phone beeps and I notice a text message from Katherine that makes me smile.

 **That fucker has been fired. He won't even get a job cleaning toilets. Give Steele a kiss for me. See you soon *k**

APOV – SATURDAY

Christian has arranged for Mia and I to go shopping for our New Years Eve dresses. I don't know if I should kiss him or kill him. Don't get me wrong, I love Mia Grey. We have become really close and she really is a wonderful person. But there is one thing you should never do with Mia and that is shop. I think Sawyer even hates me today. Christian has increased security because of what happen outside the restaurant last night.

"Omg Ana look at this article in the Seattle Nooz. Sorry Ana, I will read it to you" Mia at times has some blonde moments.

 _ **Hearts are breaking worldwide. 21 year old Billionaire Christian Grey is officially off the market. Who is the beauty by his side? Grey named one of People's sexiest man alive confirmed that the woman on his arm is in fact his girlfriend. We are asking anyone with information regarding who this beauty is contact us at the Nooz.**_

Great that's what I need for the whole world to wonder what Christian is doing with someone like me.

"You're celebrity Ana. Do you realize you are the envy of so many women. There is another alert"

CPOV

 _ **Breaking news, the woman who has captured the eye of Christian Grey has been identified a 18 year old Anastasia Rose Steele. Ms. Steele has had her hardships during her short life. Her father was killed in Iraq the day after she was born. At the age of 8 her mother was murdered. The case remains unsolved. She was adopted by Raymond and Margaret Steele who died in what police ruled a murder-suicide last summer. Ms. Steele discovered the bodies. It is rumoured that when she woke up in the hospital after finding the Steele's she had lost her vision. We are still looking for more on this beautiful young woman. Email gossip**_

Fuck. What the fuck. There are only a few people that have this kind of information on Ana and I am willing to bet my fortune that Jennifer has something to do with this. My phone starts ringing and I notice it's Katherine.

"Grey"

"Christian who the fuck told that trashy publication about Ana? Has she heard about it? Is she there? I am coming back to Seattle today."

"I'm working on finding out who did this. I have an idea but I promise they will pay"

"I am going to surprise Ana so don't say I am coming back. We should be at your place around 7 tonight"

Ana and Mia return from a day of shopping. Sawyer, Ryan and Reynolds look like they are going to keel over.

"Sawyer any issues today. Did anyone approach Ms. Steele. Did she hear about being identified in the Nooz"

"No Sir. Ms. Grey did read the first article that was published to her but I pulled her aside and told her not to read anymore to Ms. Steele."

I go to see my girl who is face planted on the bed shoes and all softly snoring. I take off her shoes and then crawl up beside her and hold her close. My girl mumbles no more Mia. I kiss her and tell her no more.

"I love you baby"


	13. THE KAVANAUGH INQUISITION

THE KAVANAUGH INQUISITION

APOV- SATURDAY NIGHT

"Katie, what a surprise, I missed you so much. I am so glad you are back"

She pulls me into a hug and holds me tight.

"I miss you Steele. You look amazing. How are things with you and moneybags?"

"Katie, Christian is a dream come true. He's amazing. He's so kind and thoughtful and caring and I love him." I hear Kate gasp "He wants to take care of me. I think he loves me Katie."

"Ana, I think Christian loved you from the moment he met you. I told you that night when you met him there was that look in his eyes. And Elliot says he has never seen Christian as happy as he has been in the last three months"

"So you and Elliot, how is that going"

"It's hard Ana, being so far away. Elliot is great. He comes down to Portland as much as he can. But when he's not there I miss him. I miss you. I miss Seattle. That's why I decided to transfer to Seattle University next semester. "

I squeal , my best friend is coming home. "Katie, I can ask Christian but why don't you move in with me into Escala. I am sure he won't mind and I am sure you will be at Elliot's more than you will be here."

"Christian already asked me to move in downstairs with you. He figured you would be thrilled. He really does love you. I had a long talk about his intentions with you. He promised me he would take care of you." I smile and give Katie another hug. "So have you and the Adonis done the deed. Spill it Steele. I bet he's hung like a horse."

"Kate, oh my god, stop please." My face feels like it's on fire.

"Ana, you sleep in the same bed every night. You are adults, adults have sex."

"We haven't talked about it yet. I mean I want to, I want to be with Christian, I want to touch him all over. And when he touches me, my body feels like it's on fire. When he's not around I miss his touch. But what if I am not good at it."

"Ana, practice makes perfect. You know for you to enjoy yourself your first time, it might not happen. I sure as hell didn't. My first time was awful. It lasted less than two minutes. But Christian loves you and you Steele have got it bad. Sex morphs into something far more passionate when you're in love. Monday I am going to arrange an appointment with my doctor. We need to sort out birth control. And tonight you are going to start by giving him a blow job. I am going to grab a banana and teach you how"

I put my hands over my mouth. She cannot be serious. But it's no filter, no shame Katie. I smile thinking about Christian and wanting to give myself to him. We spent the rest of the night eating and laughing. Elliot is a lot of fun. When they were leaving Elliot picked me and starting spinning me around the room.

"Banana, thank you for coming into our lives. I have never seen Christian so happy. He deserves to be happy. And thank you for introducing me to Kate."

Christian and I are lying in bed. He is actually sleeping but I haven't been able to fall asleep. When he kissed me goodnight I saw his eyes again and that vision is engraved in my brain. I have this desire to just touch him. So I start moving my hand down his arm. I move my hand to his chest.

I softly call out to him hoping he wakes "Christian" He wakes instantly.

"Hey baby, you ok? How come you are not sleeping?" He pulls me closer to him to snuggle.

"Christian, I want to touch you." He chuckles and says "Baby, I won't stop you"

He lies flat on his back and pulls me so I am sitting on his stomach. I start by touching his hair and moving my hands to his face. His skin feels soft. I move my hands to his arms. I can feel how fit Christian is. His arms are so defined. I slide my hands across his chest and bend down and start kissing his chest. Christian is breathing a little faster than when I started. His hands are on my thighs and his running them up and down. The atmosphere is causing heat between my legs. I rub myself against Christian's stomach hoping he doesn't realize why. He whispers my name. I reach back and gently brush my hands across his boxers feeling his erection. Holy Crap he's huge.

I roll off to Christian's side and I begin to pull of his boxers.

"Ana, we don't have to do this. I can wait until you are ready. There is no rush. I am not going anywhere. I don't want you doing anything you're not ready for."

"I think you're right I am not ready for sex but I want to try this. This feels right"

He helps me pull of his boxers and I gently reach for his cock. It's big and it's throbbing. I think Christian's body twitched when I touched him. I lean down and take a deep breath. I gently slide my tongue across the top of his cock. I start to slowly lick him from the base of his shaft to the tip, up and down while gently massaging his balls. Christian is moaning in pleasure and it gives me the confidence I need to keep going. I take as much of Christian in my mouth as I can without chocking and proceed to bob up and down as per Kate's instructions. Christian has grabbed a hold of my head and is gently guiding me. He warns me that he is going to come but I don't move. Truth is I want to taste him. His body jerks as he releases his orgasm and I proudly swallow every last drop. He pulls me towards him and smashes his lips to mine.

"Christian how was that, was it ok"

CPOV

"Ana, that was incredible. Where did you learn to do that?"

"Kate and a banana" I raise an eyebrow and somehow I am not surprised. I have never seen Elliot so happy. Katherine must be skilled in the bedroom.

"Well remind me to get Katherine a very nice Christmas present"

She laughs "Seriously Christian. I have never even been kissed before. This is all so new. All these feelings I have when I am with you. They're a little overwhelming. I just want to please you. I want to satisfy you and I am scared that I won't."

What do I say to her? How do I tell her I have the same anxieties? I want her so badly but I am terrified that I will disappoint her. I take a deep breath and decide to be honest with her. She will not judge me. She loves me.

"Ana, I don't know what I like or want. I have never been with anyone. After what happen with Lincoln I just couldn't" And tears start to flow and I am speechless feeling like I am gasping for air.

"I am sorry Christian I just thought." And now my angel is crying.

"ssh it's ok baby. We will figure this out together. There is no-one else I would rather be with. You are it for me. I love you"

"I love you Christian, forever."


	14. THE HOLIDAYS

THE HOLIDAYS

CPOV

It's Christmas Eve and I am at the office trying to wrap things up before we leave for Aspen in a couple of days. I just had my last meeting and now my Goddess and I can escape for a couple of weeks. I walk out of my office to steal a peak at my beautiful girl. She is on the phone but puts her head up and smiles like she can sense me. I bought a whole line of jewels at Cartier for my girl. She deserves the best. Andrea looks in my direction and I can see a smile on her face. Ana being in my life has been good for the entire staff at GEH. I think I even heard someone say she must of pulled the stick out of my ass.

The press interest in Ana seems to have died down a bit. Once there was the release of who she was they seem to have lost interest in her. Sure there are articles of my past lovers making statements and other bullshit tactics to try and squeeze a dollar out of me but I am not having any of it. I have advised legal to go after every single bullshit allegation and sue their ass for everything they got. All the money will be donated to various charities in my girl's name. Welch has informed me that they have tracked down Stephen Morton. Not only is he wanted for questioning regarding the murder of Ana's mother, a warrant was issued for his arrest. He is accused of raping his 10 year old step daughter. The thought sends chills down my back. The fear that Ana lived in. Welch is working with the FBI in a sting operation to make sure the fucker doesn't get away. Taylor knows that if this fucker ever tried to get near Ana they are to shoot first, ask questions later. Taylor and Gail are quite taken with Ana. They treat her like a daughter and I am glad she's got them in her life.

"Andrea, let's call it day. I will see you after the New Year. But before you go I wanted to give you something for well Ana says, putting up with my temper tantrums." I blush and look down toward my shoes.

"Mr. Grey, the bonus was very generous I didn't expect anything else."

"Andrea the bonus was from GEH,that was your reward for all your hard work throughout the year. This is a gift from Ana and myself to you and your husband. Open it"

I have gone to stand next to Ana and I lace my fingers together with hers.

"Christian how the hell did you wrap it. What's taking her so long?"

"Andrea is looking at the package. She's trying to figure out how best to open it. My guess is so that she doesn't rip the paper." Ana yells "Andrea just rip it open"

"Wow, Wow I can't believe it. Thank you so much Mr. Grey, Ana, One week in Fiji Wow, Greg is going to be so excited." She shakes my hand and goes to give Ana a hug. Both girls are giggling and crying. I am pretty sure they are tears of joy.

APOV

Christmas Eve at Bellevue was everything you would expect. An excessive amount of food and lots of talking about what everyone wants to do in Aspen. From skiing to snowboarding to shopping to bar hopping everyone seems really excited for our upcoming trip. I am going to give Christian his present tonight. I am nervous but I am ready. Christian is holed up in his office with Taylor. I had to recruit Gail and Taylor in my plan to surprise my man.

"Hey baby where is Joey. I can't find him anywhere."

"He's with Sawyer. Sawyer is feeling kind of lonely. I am going to take a bath"

"Ok I will be there soon, Taylor has some security issues he wants to run through."

I head off to the bedroom to start getting his gift ready. I have showered and changed and am now waiting for Christian to come.

The door to the room opens and I can hear Christian gasp.

CPOV

Security issues dealt with I can spend the rest of the night with my Goddess. It's becoming more and more difficult to keep my hands to myself when I am with her. But I don't want to push Ana into anything she's not ready for. I love her and I will wait for her. But my dick just doesn't seem to be as understanding. I open the door to our bedroom and I gasp, there lying on the bed is my Goddess in one of the sexiest negligees I have ever seen. There are candles and flowers throughout the whole room. It almost looks like a garden. There is even music playing in the background. I walk over to the bed, sit down and take my angel's hands.

"Hello beautiful, what's all this."

"It's part of your Christmas gift." Ana hands me an envelope and tells me to open it. I tear open the envelope and see it's the Ana's medical record. She is now on birth control. I take her hands and kiss them.

"Baby are you sure you want this?"

"Christian there is only one thing in my life that I am sure about. And that's what I feel for you. I love you with everything I have. I will love you for the rest of my life. There is nothing that I want more than to be with you. To give myself, my love and my body to you. I want to feel you inside of me." I pull Ana off the bed and ask her to dance with me. As I hold her close to me I say "Do you know how much I love you? Do you know how happy you make me? I am nothing without you. I am going to make you feel so good tonight."

Ana is biting on her lip. I tug at her lip and place my lips on them. Our tongues slowly start to dance. I slowly start to trail kisses on her nose, her ears, her neck. My hands are holding her hands. My Angel is shivering.

"Baby anytime you want to you stop just tell me. We don't have to do anything you don't want to. You can change your mind at anytime"

"Christian I want you, please."

I slowly start to unwrap my present. God she's so beautiful. My mouth makes my way to her nipple. I start to suck her nipple and her moans are enough to have my cock at full attention. I strip out of my clothes as fast as I can and slowly take her panties off. I gently lie her down on the bed and start to kiss the bottom of her feet. I gently plant kisses and love bites on her toes making my Goddess squirm. I make my way up until my face is buried. I slip my tongue in between her folds, I lick her from hole to hole. Ana places her hands on my head and starts tugging at my hair. I slide two fingers in, she's already so wet. I start rubbing her clit and sucking her nipples as I pump my fingers inside of her. Ana is so close to I can feel her tighten around my fingers. I encourage her to let go. She is panting and she finally cums while screaming my name. Her body is shaking coming down from her orgasm, I hold on tight to her.

"Baby how was that for your first orgasm."

"Christian, please"

"Please what baby?"

"Please, I want you inside of me." I smile and smash my lips to hers.

"Angel your wish is my command." I position myself lean down and gently kiss her lips. In one swift move I bury myself inside Ana.

I see a single tear fall from Ana's eyes. "Baby you ok? God you're so tight?"

"Yes I am fine, please Christian move."

I start moving and Ana starts meeting me thrust for thrust. I pick up the pace and I know I am not going to last long. I can feel Ana tighten around my cock. I feel like I am going to explode. I need to wait for Ana to cum, please baby help me out here. I will her to cum and once again she screams my name and I feel a vice like grip on my cock. I pump in her a couple of more times before I explode inside her. I can barely catch my breath. I place my forehead on Ana's as I am still buried inside her. I gently pull out of my Goddess and she winces.

"Ana, thank you, I love you."

"Christian, please let's do that again."

"Merry Christmas baby."

 **Hardest thing about this whole process was the doing this last chapter. I have struggled all day. I have read so much fanfiction as well as the FSOG trilogy so many times, i thought how hard could it be. Oh boy, was I wrong. So my apologies to those who are not turned on by this. Lol I will try to and get a couple of more chapters completed this weekend. Thanks for all the feedback I appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly.**


	15. CHRISTMAS DREAMS

**I wanted to make everyone aware that I am having issues when publishing chapters. If I upload more than one chapter a day, the fanfic site, doesn't update my story on the timeline. Does anyone know how to fix this? Please PM me. Hope you enjoy this chapter. And thanks for all the new followers, story favourites and reviews.**

CHRISTMAS DREAMS

CPOV

It's 5am and I need to get up and out of bed to place all the gifts I got for Ana under the tree. I am looking at my beautiful Goddess who is lying next to me with smile on her face. She looks so peaceful. I want to wake her up and make love to her again but she's probably tired as we only got to sleep a couple of hours ago. I give her a quick kiss and make my way out to my office.

It takes me half an hour to set everything under the tree. I make hot chocolates for us and pull out a tray of Christmas cookies Gail baked yesterday. Everything is set for this morning. I head back to the bedroom when by heart stops beating. Ana is curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed crying.

"Baby what's wrong why are you crying?"

"I had a dream" She is so out of control I can barely understand what she is trying to say.

"You mean you had a nightmare"

"No, no it was a dream, waking up was the nightmare." And then she loses it. My beautiful Angel who was sleeping peacefully less than an hour ago is having a full on panic attack and her cries are loud enough to have Taylor at the bedroom door.

"Taylor, get me a paper bag, she's a having a panic attack"

I pull her toward me "Baby just breathe, I am here for you. I will take care of you. You are safe, I love you so much. Please baby come back to me. Come on Ana, Anastasia, breathe. You are safe here with me."

Taylor comes back with the bag but she seems to have calmed down. I am rocking her gently and whispering I love you in her ear. She eventually falls back asleep. I decide to put off my Christmas surprise and let her sleep. I lay beside her trying not to move so that I don't wake her. I don't know how long I have been lying here but I start to wonder. Was last night too soon for her? Did I hurt her? I should of insisted that we wait. What's wrong with me? Why do I always hurt the people who love me? The people I love?

"Christian, stop it, you didn't do anything."

Huh, was I talking out loud.

"Yesterday was the best day of my life. Scratch that Mr. Grey, September 8th was the best day of my life." I smile and kiss her forehead, the day I walked into Grace's office and met Ana was the best day of her life. Her declaration brings tears to my eyes. God how I love this woman.

"Baby what happen, I woke up you were sleeping and smiling and I came back and you were hysterical and crying."

"I have something to tell you. I have been keeping something from you. Christian, relax, it's not bad. I just didn't want you to overreact."

"Me overreact, you clearly have me confused with someone else" We both laugh and my Goddess has a smile on her face once again.

"For the last couple of months I have been having moments, where for less than a second I can see flashes of things. One night you kissed me and I could of sworn I saw your eyes. But it was for a brief second so I thought maybe I was imagining it. Maybe I didn't really see anything but it all seemed so real. I have spoken to Flynn about it because I only have these moments when I am with you. Flynn says it's because I feel safe with you." Her confession makes me smile and I pull her into a very gentle kiss

"Last night was so incredible, so beautiful Christian, for the first time in my life I felt like I belonged somewhere. I felt safe. I felt loved unconditionally. I felt desired. You made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I dreamed of you last night. I could see you Christian. My dream was so vivid. I was just looking at you, memorizing ever inch of your face and you were so beautiful. I could see how happy I was in the way you looked at me. And then I woke up. And I still didn't realize that I was dreaming. I opened my eyes and there was darkness. And I reached for you and you weren't there so I thought that the last few months were just a dream. And I was alone." And my Angel is crying again.

APOV

"Baby I am so sorry, I was getting your surprise ready. I am so sorry I left you"

"Please promise you will never leave me."

"Never baby, I only started living when I met you and I don't know how to live without you."

Christian has his arms wrapped around me and gently planting kisses on my face. God I love this man so much. I don't think I would ever survive without him in my life.

"Come baby, we need to get ready. No more tears today. It's Christmas and Santa brought you lots of gifts. Let's go take a shower." He carries me into the bathroom and starts to take off my clothes. I wrap my arms around my chest, I am so self conscious of the scars on my body.

"Baby you are to never hide from me. You are the most beautiful woman on this planet."

He leads me into the shower and begins to wash my hair. I reach for his face and he leans into my touch. He is perfection. What did I ever do to deserve him? I am so lucky to have found him.

"Christian please I want you. I need to feel you inside of me"

He picks me up and tells me to wrap my legs around him. He gently enters me we find our rhythm. I feel so complete.

"I love you Mr. Grey"

"I love you more Ms. Steele"

We are sitting in front of the tree and I have already opened at least a dozen gifts. Christian really has outdone himself. Some of them were small but very thoughtful. He got me clothes, lots of clothes. He got me 365 pairs of panties. When I asked him why so many his response almost made me pee myself.

"Ana, after last night, I am more than certain I will be ripping off your panties whenever I get the chance." That's my man.

Then there was the custom jewellery from Cartier. Christian had them design a line for me. It's called the Love Anastasia line. How romantic is that.

There was one final legal size envelope. I wondered what was in there. I couldn't even process all the gifts I had been given what could possibly be in this envelope.

"Baby, in this envelope is your future. I know there are so many things you want to accomplish in your life so many dreams you want to realize. And I know that circumstances have put a lot of your dreams on hold, but I want to make this dream of yours happen. You are now the owner of Seattle Independent Publishing. It's a small publishing house with about 40 employees. We are going to move the office over to Grey House. When you are ready you will shadow the current CEO and learn everything you need to know."

I am speechless. He bought me a company. Has he lost his mind? I think I should call Flynn and make him an appointment.

"Christian, are you crazy? I don't know the first thing about running a business."

"I am going to be your teacher. You don't have to worry about a thing, when I am done with you will know everything there is to know about running your own business."

I am laughing and crying at the same time. This man is so wonderful but certifiably nuts.

"Christian you have more money than common sense."

"Come baby, we need to head out the family is waiting and we will be in trouble if we are late"


	16. INSECURITIES

INSECURITIES

CPOV- January 2016

Spending the holidays with my family was amazing. Everyone got along and I don't ever remember there being a time where everyone was so happy. Ana and Katherine were welcomed with open arms. My mother adores them both. Mia has declared she has two new sisters and Elliot is almost as happy as I am.

Today is our first day back at Grey House and truth be told I am a little sad. I really enjoyed spending time with Ana without the stress of work. But as Ana would say, back to reality.

I have scheduled a session with Flynn. When Ana confessed that she's having moments that she can see it scared me. I feel like such a shit for even having these feelings. But what if she regains her eyesight and doesn't need me anymore? The fear has kept me awake many nights just staring at my Goddess. I can't imagine my life or any life worth having without her in it.

"Christian, Happy New Year. How are things going?"

"Great, fantastic never been better. Ana is amazing. I love her with every fibre of my being. It's simple. I am in love. And it scares the fuck out of me. The thought that I may lose her"

"I am not sure I am following you. If everything is great why do think you are going to lose her?"

"I'm such a horrible person. I'm scared that if and when she regains her eyesight she will not need me. She'll leave me. She will realize that she can do better than me. She's so innocent and pure. I feel like I am tainting her"

"Have you talked to Ana about your fears?"

"Fuck no. Why would I do that? What kind of person wants the woman they love to be unhappy? This is why she deserves better. Anyone else would be praying that she gets her eyesight back. They would be happy. I'm a selfish prick. I am worried how it will affect me. Instead of how happy it would make her."

"Christian, your not being selfish. You have a genuine fear of abandonment. The fear is real and it stems from your childhood. Is Ana unhappy with you?"

"No, she tells me she's very happy."

"So why would her regaining her eye sight make her want to leave you"

"Cause she will be able to see my scars and maybe she will think what everyone else thought when they were beating me, that I deserved it. That I am not worthy of love"

"Ana has scars, did she deserve them?"

"You know she didn't."

I put my head in my hands to try and stave off the tears that are threatening to fall.

"Christian you didn't do anything to deserve your mothers pimp for burning you. You didn't deserve for Elena Lincoln to beat and rape you. You have an abundance of love from your parents, your siblings your staff and Ana. If you want to move forward and past your fear you need to let go of the past. You need to forgive all those who have harmed you. You need to believe that you are worthy of love. You are a brilliant young man, charismatic, successful, generous, the list goes on and on. But you have to see what others see in you."

"I don't know how."

"Talk about your fears with the people who love you, including Ana. Because I know for a fact that she loves you. Our session is done for today but I want to see you again this week. Preferably after you have spoken to Ana."

I leave Flynn's office not knowing how I should feel. I what to believe what he's saying but I just can't reconcile it to what I am feeling. The ride back to Grey House has me thinking about one thing and one thing only, seeing my beautiful Ana.

As I ride up to the 20th floor I walk out of the elevator to chaos. There are firefighters, paramedics and police officers. I scan the room looking for my Ana and panic when I can't find her.

I yell to Andrea "where's Ana?" But before she can answer me I spot her lying on the stretcher being looked at by a paramedic. I rush to her side and grab for her hand. She has a gash on her forehead and they are giving her oxygen.

"What the hell happen here and why didn't anyone call me"

Ros comes to my side and begins to tell me about a disgruntled employee who she fired. As Greg Foster was being escorted out of the building he grabbed the vase that was on Ana's desk and threw it at her. I kiss Ana's hand and go to find the fucker. I am seeing red. I find him sitting on my couch getting his injuries looked at. I am more than certain his injuries have something to do with Sawyers fist in his face. I lunge toward the dumb fuck and have Taylor and two police officers pull me off of him. I did get one good shot in. He tells the police he wants me charged with assault. Good luck with that fucker. I donate so much money to police department they would dare even try and arrest me. The reporter incident was different it was caught on camera and the media made it go viral. But this fucker attacked an innocent woman.

I am pulled out of my thoughts by Taylor telling me Ana is asking for me.

I go back to my Goddess who is crying.

"Baby I am so sorry. I am going to ride with you to the hospital.

"Please don't leave me Christian."

"Never baby".

"Taylor, Sawyer I am going to ride with Ana in the ambulance you guys meet me there. Make sure you bring Joey."

The ride to the hospital is silent. My girl was hurt today because of me. I promised to protect her and I failed.

"Christian, stop blaming yourself. You had no control over this. This is not your fault"

I place my head in the crook of her neck and cry. How does she always find a way to read my thoughts? She's always thinking of me.

"I love you Christian and I am so glad you are here with me"

"I love you more baby"

When we arrived at the hospital Ana was taken to get a series of tests and the doctor said I couldn't go with her. I am pacing in the waiting room and by this time my entire family has arrived. They all look like they have been crying.

"Mother she's been gone for a while please go see what's taking so long"

She kisses me on the cheek and goes to see what is going on with Ana.

She returns a short time later and tells us that Ana has a concussion and they are giving her stitches. She needs to stay overnight for observation. I head to the nurses desk to make sure she is put in the best private suite they have available.

As they settle Ana in her room I wait outside while the family stays with Ana. I need to calm down. I don't want to be angry around Ana. She doesn't need it. Once everyone has left I take a deep breath and walk into Ana's room. She's on her side and she's silently crying.

"Christian". The way she says my name is like Angel's speaking to me.

"Baby I am here. I am not going anywhere. Try and get some sleep"

She pulls the covers back and scoots to the side of the bed.

"I will sleep better if you hold me"

"Baby your wish is my command." I get into bed and pull her close to me. She is facing me and places her head in my chest. I reach for her ass and give it a gentle squeeze and that has my girl giggling. A small bed definitely has its advantages.


	17. HEARTS, FLOWERS AND TATTS

HEARTS, FLOWERS AND TATTS

CPOV

It's the week before Valentine's Day. I am so excited it is the first time I will be celebrating it and I might be a little more excited than Ana. Obviously nothing ever goes as planned because in my life it seems that there is always a calm before the storm. I have not told Ana anything regarding Stephen Morton and the FBI sting that Welch had a part in. I didn't want her to be scared but the FBI now wants to talk to Ana so I can't avoid the inevitable conversation. Truth be told, I know she will not be happy with me for keeping this from her, but I would still do it again if it means keeping Ana safe. I come out of my office and go in search of Ana.

"There you are baby, you know how jealous I am right now." My Goddess is curled up on the couch in the great room listening to music and cuddling with Joey.

"There is room on the other side for you Mr. Grey. And I do have two hands, I can rub your belly too."

I plant a rough kiss and tell her "Baby I would rather you rub something else" She smacks my arm pretending she's offended. But I know my girl, she's turned into a insatiable sex kitten. Hey I am not complaining, but who would of thought. I pull her into my lap and it's now time for a serious discussion. I am not sure how she is going to react and I kind of feel like a fish out of water.

"Ana there is something I need to talk to you about." She tightens her grip on my hands.

APOV

Why is Christian so serious? It must be something big. The last couple of weeks Christian has preoccupied. I thought it was something to do with GEH but now I am thinking maybe not.

"Christian what is it you are starting to make me nervous" He gives me a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Stephen Morton has been arrested." I think I have stopped breathing. That monster terrorized me throughout my childhood. But why would Christian know that he has been arrested?

"When you told me about your past, I had Welch do some digging and he was able to assist the FBI in arresting that scumbag. There was a warrant out for his arrest; he's wanted for raping his 10 year old step daughter. He's also a person of interest in Carla's death." Well that's no surprise. I always knew he had killed my mother. That poor child, I was her, he just didn't go that far. God only knows what he would of done if I was older. I feel so much anger toward Christian, I just need to get away from him for a little while to think and calm down. I get up and he tightens his hold.

"Baby where are you going we need to finish this conversation."

"A conversation is communication between two people. This is not a conversation this is you telling me what you did. How long did it take after I asked you NOT to get involved did you go ahead and get involved? I trusted you, more than I have trusted anyone in my life. I told you I don't ever want to be controlled by anyone. And now I need to get away from you because I feel like I am suffocating."

"Ana please there is more that you need to know. I never meant to hurt you. I did this for you so that you will be safe."

"You did this for you. It's what you do. You have to be in control of everyone and everything. I am not having any of it Christian. Now please get me Sawyer I want to go back to my apartment for tonight. I am so angry with you I don't even want to be in the same room as you."

"Please don't leave. Just go lie down in our bedroom and I promise I will give you the space you need."

I pick up my phone and call Luke. "Luke please come and take me down to my apartment."

"Ana please don't do this. I love you. I can't live without you. Can I come over tonight? I won't be able to sleep without you by my side."

And my Christian is gone replaced by this frightened little boy. My heart is aching to reach out and hold him but I can't. I never want to go back to where someone was controlling my life. I cannot live like that. But I don't want to break the only man I have ever loved.

"Sawyer, take Ms. Steele to her place and stay there with her please"

He sounds so sad but I can't give in. He needs to realize that he hurt me by disregarding my feelings. I take Joey's leash and walk with Luke toward the elevator. I know he's not far behind me. When I get in the elevator and the door closes I start to cry. Thankfully Luke says nothing. I get into my apartment and I go straight to my bedroom crawl underneath he covers and snuggle with Joey.

CPOV

I am sitting on the floor by the elevator. I can't move. I feel paralyzed. Ana left me. She walked out on me. She was so mad but I know she's probably more hurt. Why can't she see that I did it for her? I love her and I know I won't survive without her. I hear the elevator doors open and I am hoping it's my Ana coming back but to my disappointment it's only Elliot.

"Hey little bro, what's going on. What are you doing on the floor? Are you sick" Elliot's voice is laced with concern.

"Ana left me"

"Come on get up off the floor. Let's go sit down in the great room." He offers me his hand to help me up. I wouldn't take it normally but I feel sick to my stomach with the thought of having lost my Ana. I proceed to tell Elliot everything that happened.

"Damnit Christian, why didn't you talk to her when it was all happening? I don't know everything but from what Kate says, that creep really fucked Ana up. I am sure that she will forgive you just give her some space. She will figure out you did it because you love her and want her to be safe. But you have to respect boundaries. You can't go making decisions about other people's lives without consulting them."

"I did it to help her, to help keep her safe. He's off the streets now, she will never have to worry about him again."

"Understood, and I am sure once Banana calms down she will see it that way as well. But right now you have forced her to deal with something maybe she isn't ready to deal with. Maybe bringing this all back to the forefront whether he's in jail or not is scary for her because she has to deal with the feelings and memories of a period in her life she would probably rather forget. You know for someone who is so bright, you can be so dense at times. And I know you have never had a relationship before but you need to communicate and not bully her." Who would of thought Elliot Grey, biggest man whore in all of Seattle understands women.

"Elliot I need her back. I can't lose her. I feel like I can't breathe without her."

He tells me to give her time

*Five days later*

I haven't seen or heard from Ana. I think I might actually be going crazy. Last night I went over there to force her to talk to me but Katherine wouldn't let me in. It resulted in a huge fight and Elliot walked me back up to my place. I have sent flowers and cards begging for forgiveness and nothing. She's gone radio silent on me. I asked Katherine and Elliot to be with her when the FBI went over to talk to her because she still doesn't know that Morton is a person of interest in the deaths of The Steele's. Aside from my attempts to talk to Ana I have not left my apartment. I can't even stay in my bedroom. The room smells like her. So I am trying to sleep in the guestroom but it's not working. Gail has been trying to get me to eat but I have no appetite. I feel sick to my stomach. I need Ana back with me.

APOV

I have been crying for days. I miss Christian but I am not ready to forgive him. After the meeting with the FBI, I just want to go and lie down with him. I haven't slept since I walked out of his place and I highly doubt he has been sleeping either. Last night I heard him and Kate yelling and it took everything in me to stop from going to him but in the end Elliot managed to diffuse the situation and take Christian back to his apartment. The FBI have filled me in on everything. Seems that sick monster is a person of interest in the death of Ray and Margaret. I didn't need to ask why he would go after the Steele's, he didn't even know them. I realize that it has something to do with me. They think that he's after something that I have of his. The only thing I took with me the night I was taken to the hospital was my Teddy. We didn't even go back for any clothes. I tell the police that Teddy is probably in the storage but I have no other information because it was the neighbors who packed up The Steele residence after their deaths. Elliot and Kate have been really great and I know it must be hard for them to be stuck in the middle of this but I honestly don't know how to turn off my feelings of hurt and betrayal. I don't want to be with someone that I can't trust. I don't want to second guess him. I know technically he didn't lie to me but he did keep information regarding my life from me.

"Banana, how long are you going to make Christian suffer? He hasn't left his apartment in 5 days, he hasn't eaten and I am pretty sure he hasn't showered. He has destroyed almost every room in there. I get it, he fucked up but he didn't do it to hurt you, it was the exact opposite he did it to protect you. He thought with that scum bucket in jail you would be able to move on. He loves you Ana but you have to remember that this is his first relationship ever and he will fuck it up. God I am constantly on Katie's shit list and well let's just say I have had my share of relations ships. Please go talk to him. I am scared he's going to break." I nod and Elliot gives me a kiss on my cheek.

I know deep down Christian thought he would be helping me move on by having Morton arrested. But it's all so messed up. If Morton is responsible for the deaths of Ray and Margaret then it was because of me that they died. And that's not Christian's fault. How am I going to live with that fact? And I miss him, I miss his touch. I miss his kisses. I miss his scent. I miss him being inside of me. I go tell Kate and Elliot that I will be going back to Christian's and won't be returning unless he's decided that he doesn't want me anymore. I love him and I want to be with him. It's a simple but it's the truth.

Luke walks me in to his apartment and it seems too quiet.

"Welcome back Ms. Steele."

"Thanks Taylor. Where is Christian? How is he?"

"Not good, the last time I checked on him he was in his office sitting on the floor. Ms. Steele, he's a good man. He never meant to hurt you. He just use to doing things his way. It happens when you have been alone and don't have anyone to answer to."

"I know, can you please take me to him and Luke can you keep Joey with you tonight."

"Sure no problem"

We walk towards the office and I have butterflies. I missed my man so much. Taylor opens the door for me and I hear Christian yelling to get out.

"Sir, Ms. Steele is here."

"Ana" He sounds breathless, I can feel that he is now standing close to me.

"Please can I just hold you?" I nod my head yes and he crushes his body into me. He has buried his face into my neck and I can feel his tears.

"Baby I am so sorry I swear I never meant to hurt you."

"sssh, I am sorry too. We will talk about this tomorrow. You need to go shower and then come meet me in bed because I haven't slept since the day I left and I just need you to hold me. But you don't smell like my pretty boy." I scrunch up my nose. He crushes his lips to mine, picks me up bridle style and runs into the bedroom. He gently places me on the bed, hands me his t-shirt and tells me he will be out soon. I think he must have taken the fastest shower ever. He climbs into bed and pulls me close to him.

"I love you Ana, I love you so much"

"I love you more"

"Not possible baby. Sweet dream and make sure you dream of me."

I wake up feeling hot. Christian is still sleeping and has completely wrapped himself around me. I don't even know what time it is we have slept for hours. But my stomach is growling and I need to use the bathroom. I try to move from his hold and he just pulls me closer.

"I am never letting you go. We are going to stay like this forever."

"I'm sorry I woke you." He is planting kisses all over my face. I can feel his erection on my hip. His hands start roaming my body.

"Christian I need to pee and we need to eat. I am starving. Rain check midnight tonight?" Christian chuckles.

"Why midnight baby."

"It's a surprise"

"I'm going to cash that in later."

We are sitting by the breakfast bar, Gail has made a huge spread of all my favorite breakfast foods. I didn't realize how hungry I was. I don't think I can eat anymore. Christian picks up my hands and he sucks on each and every finger. My panties are instantly drenched. But I have to hold off until tonight for my Valentine's surprise.

"Christian I am sorry for running. I know I promised that I wouldn't but I was scared. I can't ever live with someone that wants to control me. I need you to promise me you will always talk to me. And if I say No that you will respect my decisions. Truth be told I am glad that you went looking for that monster. He's off the streets now and he can't hurt anyone anymore. But I don't know how to move on from the fact that I may be the reason The Steele's were murdered."

He pulls me into a hug and tells me he will always talk to me moving forward with things that concern me. And I believe him. It's time to move on.

"Baby lets go shower."

"No can do. You have to wait until midnight to cash in your prize. And we go shower well let's just say that I will not be able to keep my hands off of you. So go take a shower and don't touch yourself. I want all of your pleasure tonight." He bites my neck and I squeal. He swats my behind and he heads off to shower. I hope he likes my surprise. I don't know if he will be angry, I hope not.

We spend the rest of the day just hanging out. Christian has a conference call so I decide to go and take a long hot bath. Once I am done I put on the sexy underwear that Kate helped me pick out. She got a pair to, crotchless panties. I think the Grey boy's are going to love them. I laugh out loud to myself.

I told Christian he is not to enter the bedroom a moment before midnight or I was not having sex with him. I am more than certain he won't do anything to screw that up. It's been 6 days and he's probably even hornier than I am. My phone beeps to let me know I have 5 minutes before my man will be storming into this bedroom for his surprise. I am going to let him find it. That should be fun.

CPOV

I've been trying to keep myself occupied for more than an hour now but I am now pacing. I wonder what my surprise is. I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. There will never be a present that will be better than my Ana. Thank fuck she has forgiven me. I don't know if I could of survived not being with her any longer. I know I am never going to screw that up again. When my girl says something I need to respect that. Doesn't mean that I cannot try and persuade her to see it from my perspective. It's now 11:55pm and I pick up a bottle of Bollinger along with two glasses and head to the bedroom. When I open the door my Goddess is lying on the bed her knees are up with a huge smile on her face. What the fuck is she wearing? My dick is going to explode in my pants. I walk over to the nightstand and place the Bollinger and glasses down. I plant a kiss on her lips, they're so soft. I missed these lips. I crawl in between her legs and spread them. Crotchless panties I think I just came in my pants.

"Omg baby my dick loves these." She laughs. "Thanks for my present baby I love it."

"There is more"

"More?"

"Yes Christian the panties were an add on. I had to come back because I couldn't return my original present. You will get it soon enough"

My girl is talking in riddles but I don't care, my dick is throbbing and I am in pain. I bury my face in between her legs and smell her. I slide my tongue in between her folds and her moans are enough to set me off.

I have ripped her panties off and gently pull her up into a sitting position so I can take off her top. She raises her arms and after I remove her top she lies back down.

"Christian please I need you inside of me, now fast and hard. We can do foreplay afterwards." Ah my little vixen wants me to fuck her, not make love. Well her wish is my command. I flip her over on her stomach pull her knees up and enter her from behind. I start pounding into her hoping her release will come quick because I don't know how long I can hold off. But my girl is keeping up and grinding herself into me. And I don't know what comes over me but I smack her behind and she lets go. Three more thrusts and I am cumming like a freight train. I collapsed on top of my girl and Ana is pulling me closer into her. She straddles me and starts riding me. We have 5 days to make up for I don't think either of us will be sleeping tonight. I am looking at my beautiful girl and watch her tits bounce up and down. I hold her hips down and sit up. Under her breast bone there is a tattoo. My girl knows that I have seen it. I run my finger over the area. There are two butterflies on blue one and one grey one. I look over to the right and see my name written in beautiful lettering. My chest tightens my girl branded herself. She's mine, all mine and this proves that this is what she wants. She wants me. I start planting kisses all around the area and she kisses the top of my head.

"Happy Valentine's Day, I love you."

 **OK THIS CHAPTER TURNED OUT WAY LONGER THAN I EXPECTED. NOT SURE HOW THAT HAPPEN. I THOUGHT ABOUT SPLITTING IT UP BUT COULDN'T DECIDE WHERE. SO I JUST WENT WITH IT. I AM ADVANCING THE STORY BY THREE YEARS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER BUT NO WORRIES, YOU WILL SEE WHAT CHRISTIAN DID FOR THEIR FIRST VALENTINE'S TOGETHER IN A FLASHBACK. THANKS TO ALL THE NEW FOLLOWERS, REVIEWS (GOOD AND BAD) AND FOR THE ENCOURAGEMENT I HAVE RECEIVED THROUGH PM.**


	18. GRADUATION

GRADUATION – 3 YEARS LATER

CPOV

Ana and Katherine are graduating from Seattle University and I couldn't be any more proud of her. In 21 years she has gone through so much but my girl is resilient. I am doing the commencement speech as GEH is a huge benefactor of the University. I only agreed to it because I would be handing Ana her degree. After a short get away Ana will start working at Grey Publishing as an Editor. I bought her the company on our first Christmas together but she insists on working her way to the top. Katherine and I walk on to the stage and are escorted to our seats. My relationship with Katherine has always been tense. Her and Elliot are living together and if my brother's happy then I will tolerate her. I scan the auditorium and notice the entire Grey and Kavanaugh family are seated together. But I am looking for my Angel. I see that she's being escorted to her seat. I see my girl who is wearing a beautiful chiffon grey halter dress. She's an absolute Goddess. I don't know what I have done to deserve her in my life and I thank my lucky starts at least a dozen times a day that she has stuck with me. The last three years have not been easy sailing, a lot of crap has hit the fan. But somehow we end up on top, loving each other more than I ever thought possible. I remember the day we committed to each as if it were yesterday. It was our first Valentine's together and Ana had gotten her butterfly tattoo with my name written beautifully just under her breastbone. She said it was to keep me close to her heart for an eternity. I knew in that moment that I would be spending the rest of my life making this woman happy. I am still looking at my girl who now has a scowl on her face. Something has pissed her off. I have seen that face too many times, usually it's me making her scowl. Katherine gently nudges me and tries to stifle a laugh. It seems that I wasn't paying attention when it was my turn to go up and give my speech.

APOV

I have been so excited for this day. I can't believe that I have actually graduated something three years ago I thought was an impossible dream. But I did it and I had a lot of help along the way. Christian was my life support. Although he could throw some tantrums that would make a five year old blush my love for him today is much more mature than it was when I first met him. We both have grown up alot and our relationship although trying at times, is much stronger because of it. There was the Morton trial that I had to be a part of. The District Attorney wanted to make sure that he was never going to see the light of day outside of a jail cell so they needed my testimony. Christian was adamant that I shouldn't do it. But I had to, I never wanted to feel responsible if he got out one day and hurt someone else. The FBI found my Teddy in the storage locker. Inside of Teddy was a usb drive containing thousands of child pornography photos and videos. During the trial it was discovered that Carla had found video's and was going to turn him in to the police. His plan was to kill us both that night but that was never meant to be. He had been looking for me for years when by chance he saw Ray and me at the local hardware store one Saturday afternoon. That was the day the fate of the Steele's was sealed. I still have what Flynn calls survivor guilt. The Grey's and the Kavanaugh's have become my family. They have been so supportive of me throughout all of this. But Christian has been my rock. No matter what is going on he will drop everything for me if I need him. When they sentenced the monster everyone was in attendance. He was found guilty on all the charges, three first degree murder, two attempted murder, 12 convictions of assault, child endangerment, distribution of pornography. Needless to say he will die in that jail cell. Taylor tells me that if they ever put him in general population he will more likely be killed as fellow inmates are not fans of child rapists. Kate is giving her valedictorian speech and she is owning the room. And then I hear what I have been having to endure for the last three years. And in this moment all my insecurities begin to reappear.

"God what I would love to do with Grey. He's so sexy. I bet he has a big dick. Look how amazing he looks in that suit. Fuck he can tie me up with that tie and beat me into submission. I would be his sex slave." Most of the students know of mine and Kate's association with the Grey brothers. I have been in so many newspapers on Christian's arm but they have never seen any PDA's from us because Christian thought that it would be too much of a security risk and the threats would be even more prevalent in our lives. I lean over and say "Sorry ladies, he's gay." Great, why the hell did I just say that. It's not that Christian will be pissed he actually thinks it's funny. But they are ruining my moment here and I just wanted them to shut the hell up. And then a moment of clarity, I feel something on my hand. I close my eyes, I lift my head and listen to my man on stage. I remember when I realized that he was it for me.

 _Flashback Valentine's Day 2016_

 _I woke up feeling hot. Christian and I had been separated for 5 days and we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We fucked, we made love, he claimed my ass, we did all sorts of things for the first time. We couldn't get enough of each other. And when he saw my tattoo that I had done for him he completely lost it. His first thought was to kill in Christian's words "the fucker who had the balls to touch my girl" I managed to calm him down and tell him that I had a female tattoo artist. He then went on to say how thoughtful it was and if he didn't have touch issues he would get one too._

" _Christian, you don't have any issues with touch and your penis. You can get my name written on that. My man." God bless him, he actually pulled out the ipad and started researching it. I managed to convince him that I was joking. As I open my eyes I can't believe it. I can see the beautiful ocean blue colors that the bedroom is painted in. I close my eyes and re-open them and nope, I can still see. I slowly shift my body so that I can finally see the man who owns my heart and it literally stops beating. I am speechless. People were not exaggerating that he is an Adonis. He is even more beautiful than in my dreams. I stared at him for what seemed like hours. I stared and touched his face, his jaw, his lips, his ears, his nose, God he was so beautiful. I pulled up the covers to see his lower half and gasped at how big his dick was even flaccid. His size actually scared me. How the hell did that fit inside of me? I look up toward his chest and I see them. The scars that he has been staring at for years, the scars that change my man into a scared young boy, the scars that made him believe he was not worthy of love. I move to kiss each every imperfection on my perfect man. Christian stirs from his deep sleep. I don't want him to wake yet, I just want to look at him. I want to stare at him. But it's too late. He's awake._

" _Hey there beautiful, it's still early and I thought that after last night's sex capades that you would be sleeping for days." He starts kissing my face and he feels my tears. He gets up and starts to panic._

" _What's going on why are you crying" I pull his face with my hands and stare into his eyes._

" _I can see you, you are so beautiful. Tell me I am not dreaming Christian please tell me we are both awake and I can see you?" I can see his eyes start to well up but he looks worried, scared. I now can see my lost little boy._

" _Christian, why are you not happier, I can see again."_

" _Baby I am so happy for you, I am just... scared. Scared you won't need me, scared you won't want me, scared you will see the real me. I am a selfish prick, I know I am sorry."_

" _Christian, I never needed you because I couldn't see. I need you because you hold my heart in your hands. It doesn't beat without you. I love each and every shade of you. Please believe that. I want to see you make love to me."_

 _He slowly enters me holding my face in his hands and looks deep into my eyes. I love this man with all my heart and soul._

" _Babe, we got to go, I have plans for you and the rest of this week. We will let everyone know the good news when we get back. You are all packed we just need to shower and go or we will be late."_

" _Where we going Christian?" He taps his nose and says it's a surprise. Ah playful fifty has come out._

 _We end up on the GEH jet and Christian will still not tell me what's going on, but we did join the mile high club. We still have a couple of hours left before we land to destination unknown but I am having a hard time falling asleep. I am afraid I will wake up and be blind again. The pilot makes an announcement that we will be landing in twenty minutes and that we need to fasten our seatbelts. We make our way out of the bedroom and he still will not tell me where we are going. He holds my hand during the landing and once the doors open I am greeted with a Welcome to London. I start jumping up and down screaming and jump into his arms. I give him a big wet kiss and tell him how much I love him._

 _We drive off to the hotel to leave our bags and change our clothes. Christian has an itinerary and he's a stickler for being on time. He has picked out a dress he wants me to wear. He takes hold of my hand and we head out into the streets of London. There is a car waiting for us and he still will not let me know what's going on. And then the car pulls up to the Garden Square in Bloomsbury, home to so many literary hero's. I have a perma-smile on my face I don't think I can be any happier. We are walking the through the Garden's holding hands and Christian keeps steeling glances at me. I guess it's different now because before I could feel him doing it, but now I can see him. We walk up to this beautiful path._

" _Christian look, someone is getting is getting married today. Maybe we can stay and watch the wedding" He gives me his shy smile takes both my hands and turns to face me._

 _I gasp when he drops to one knee, "My beautiful Angel, I fell in love with you the moment I met you. There are no words to describe how you have changed my life. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and you loving me. Anastasia Rose Steele you are a Goddess, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife. Marry me baby."_

The crowd in the auditorium is going crazy, Christian is getting a standing ovation. I look over and feel so proud of him, he truly is the most remarkable person I have ever met in my life. It's time to hand out the degrees so we line up in the order we were given. I turn to look on stage and smile at my man who just winked at me. Then I hear from the Victoria Secret model standing behind me.

"Omg did you see that Christian Grey just winked at me" I giggle to myself boy is she in for some heartbreak. And then it's my turn for my name to be called.

"Anastasia Rose Grey" I shake hands with the Dean and the Chancellor and I look toward my Christian. I pick up the pace and rush toward him, I jump into his arms he spins me around and gives me a long sensual kiss. You could hear the collective gasps from everyone in the auditorium. Christian and I are both laughing, well that's one way to the let the world know we're together. Today wasn't planned but it just seemed right. I am tired of hiding. Although I am not sure that this was the best place to let everyone in our secret. The entire auditorium is now staring at me.

When the ceremony finished we joined our families who were genuinely happy for us. Of course Kate knew, I couldn't keep something as big as a marriage from her but I had made her promise not to tell Elliot and she kept her promise. Grace seemed a little upset, my guess is she wanted to see her child wed. Christian promised her that we would have another ceremony for the family. Her frown quickly disappeared. I can do that for Grace she did save my life 13 years ago. Her devotion to her family is admirable. I take a snapshot of this moment because being Mrs. Christian Grey and with the world knowing it, I am more than certain I will on one hell of a ride.

 **I HAD A HELL OF TIME UPLOADING THIS CHAPTER MY COMPUTER DECIDED IT WAS GOING TO DO A TWO HOUR UPDATE. ENJOY. THANKS AGAIN FOR THE NEW FOLLOWS, FAVORITES AND REVIEWS. SO NEXT FEW CHAPTERS MORE DRAMA FOR MR. AND MRS. GREY. I DO WANT TO DO AN ACTUAL WEDDING CEREMONY. AND I WILL INTRODUCE MORE SHADY CHARACTERS. GOOD NIGHT XOXOXO**


	19. FIRST DAY ON THE JOB

FIRST DAY ON THE JOB

APOV

I am so nervous my real job as a professional. I don't know what type of reception I will get from my co-workers knowing that I am Mrs. Grey. I don't want them to treat me any differently but I think they will. I told Christian Sawyer was taking me to Grey House, alone. He completely flipped out.

"Ana are ashamed of me?"

"Oh God no Christian." I enunciate every word slowly and clearly. Why would he ever think that?

"I just don't want to be treated differently because I am your wife."

"Babe, they are going to treat you differently. You own the company." Christian gifted me Grey Publishing for graduation.

"But they don't know I own the company they think you do." God this man is so frustrating. I eventually told him I was going alone or I was going to walk to work. He didn't follow me out, he knows better to give me my space when I am pissed.

I meet with Mr. Roach who has me review my employment contract. He then shows me to my office. It's by no means anything near as nice as Christians but it's cozy. I can see myself reading manuscripts in here. I walk in my office has a beautiful arrangement of Wildflowers. There is another arrangement of 6 roses all of different colors. I pull the card that is attached.

 _ **My Goddess, My Ana, My Life**_

 _ **The Wildflowers are for your fiery spirit that keeps me on my toes.**_

 _ **The Lavender Rose is for love at first sight. That happen to me baby.**_

 _ **The Orange Rose is for desire and passion. I have that for you every single moment of every day.**_

 _ **The Yellow Rose is for Joy. The joy you have brought to my life.**_

 _ **The Pink Rose shows admiration. You are special and I am in awe of you.**_

 _ **The Red Rose symbolizes your beauty and perfection. And that I LOVE YOU!**_

 _ **The White Rose reminds me of how pure, innocent and charming you are.**_

 _ **The significance of 6 Roses is a need to love and cherish you for the rest of our lives. I will never stop loving you.**_

 _ **Your Fifty, Always xoxoxo**_

I am not sure why I am so surprised. Maybe it's the simplicity or the thought he put in this gift. I pick up the phone

"Hi"

"I got your flowers, they're breath taking."

"Not as breath taking as you baby. I am sorry for this morning. I know I over reacted."

"No Christian I am sorry, you're right we're married and if people don't like it then tough. I love you and I plan on showing you just how much when I get home tonight."

"I can just come there."

"Oh no you can't don't you have to rule the universe or something, Sir?"

Christian chuckles, God how I love it when he laughs.

"yes baby something like that."

"Message me when you are ready to leave. I will meet you downstairs in the lobby."

"You want to be seen with me?" He sounds almost hopeful.

"There is no-one that I want to spend the rest of my days with or been seen with, it's only you. It will only ever be you."

"You are mine, Ana."

"And you are mine Christian, I love you to infinity."

"I love you to googolplex. Later's baby." I chuckle, did he just make up a word. I have to remember to look that up.

The day goes by in a flash. I have been so busy getting acquainted with policies and procedures and just learning everyone's name. I haven't even had time to pee. I am in the bathroom stall and I hear it.

"Did you see Mrs. Grey. Mousy little thing. What on earth does a sex god like Christian Grey see in her."

"Actually she's very pretty. I like her. I met her in the lunchroom. She's not snobby, I thought she would be. She even had her lunch in a brown paper bag."

"You're kidding me right. She's a gold digger. She has no social skills, she should not be with Christian Grey. And I am getting transferred to be his new PA when Andrea goes on maternity leave and my guess is it will take me less than a week to be fucking him on his desk." The woman gasps.

"Courtney they look like they are in love just leave them alone."

"Whatever, see you later."

I step out of the bathroom and Lori, the girl I met in the lunchroom looks like she's seen a ghost.

"Thank you for sticking up for me."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Grey, ummm Ana, I don't know what's gotten into Courtney."

"It's not your fault don't worry about it. But please do me a favour can you not let Courtney know I am on to her game." She winks at me and smiles, I think I have my first friend. I wash my hands and tell her I will see her later.

I head to my office, 5 missed calls from Christian, jeez I am sure he will be here soon. I grab my purse and wait by the elevator. As soon as it opens, Christian and Taylor are there.

"Baby everything ok, I called you a few times and I was worried."

"I went to the bathroom and didn't take my phone." And then I hear that voice.

"Oh Mr. Grey, so nice to see you. I am looking forward to working for you personally when Andrea goes on Mat leave. I am sure that you can teach me alot." I growl and Christian raises an eyebrow to me. I think he notices that I am about to poke her eyeballs out. Her breast, god they're big, are almost busting out of her shirt. And then just like that my man is all over her.

Ms. James, I am not sure what you think I can teach you, you're a PA, you will be responsible for scheduling my appointments. And when I have not appointments I will be spending time with my lovely wife. I will remind Andrea to send you the dress code memo because you will not be allowed on my floor dressed like that. I am not even sure why you are wearing something like this at GEH in the first place." Ahh that takes the smile off of her face. She looks like she wants to crawl into a hole and die.

"My apologies Mr. Grey, I spilled my coffee on my other blouse and this is the only one I had with me."

As we get in the elevator Christian places a call.

"Ros, make sure you have someone email GEH dress code to the entire staff. I don't like what I am seeing around here. I think everyone needs to be reminded to dress professionally." Yeah, Courtney doesn't have a chance. I chuckle out loud.

"Penny for your thoughts."

"Watch that woman Christian, she has plans to be fucking you on your desk within a week of working for you. I heard her in the bathroom talking to someone."

"Ana are you serious." I nod my head. "You know she doesn't stand a chance. You know it will only ever be you."

"You have to admit she's very pretty. She looks like a model. She has a body to die for."

"So? You just described millions of women. Including yourself. Why would I ever need for anyone else when I have my Goddess." I kiss him hard on the lips, this man is so going to get fucked tonight.

"Christian, you are mine."

"Yes baby, all yours."

 _ **So sorry it took me forever to update. Life happens. And then life keeps happening. I had the week from hell and doesn't look like it's going to get any better for at least a couple of weeks. I am hopeful that I can continue to post at least two chapters a week. Perhaps more, if I am feeling inspired.**_


	20. BABYGATE

BABYGATE

CPOV

Ana has been a full time editor for a month but for the last couple of weeks she has not been herself. I have tried questioning her but the one thing about my beautiful, stubborn wife is that there is no forcing her into doing anything she doesn't want to do. That includes divulging any thoughts that may be distressing. Ana hasn't had a panic attack in several months. My fear is that if she keeps everything bottled up it may trigger a reaction.

"Taylor, has Sawyer said anything regarding Ana, she seems to be a little off lately."

"No Sir, she has been eating lunch at her desk and doesn't really interact with any of the staff members."

"Have Sawyer be super vigilant because something is going on with her and I don't want any surprises."

My new PA Courtney James is a real piece of work. I have asked Ros to find me a replacement ASAP as I cannot even stand looking at her. She stares at me with those puppy dog eyes. Everything on this woman is fake. Has she seen my Ana? I am even considering opening a daycare at GEH so that Andrea can come back early. I really miss her. I don't have many people that I am close to but Andrea is one of a kind. She has always been professional even when I am having one of my temper tantrums.

"Ms. James, can you order lunch for me and Mrs. Grey, have it delivered by Noon."

"Yes Sir." I roll my eyes

"Ms. James, I believe I have asked you to call me Mr. Grey. Stop with the Sir."

I slam the door of my office and send my Goddess a text.

 _ **Your presence is requested at Noon, on the 20**_ _ **th**_ _ **floor in my office xoxo**_

 _ **Sorry babe, I have a lunch meeting with Boyce Fox, trying to seal the deal on securing his novel. Raincheck?. Love you xoxo**_

What the fuck is going on? She's having a lunch meeting with a man? And why am I just hearing about this now? I contact Welch as I want a full background check done on Boyce Fox. Has Ana lost her mind? I click on google and type in his name. He is an author and has several books that have made the New York Time's Best Seller List. I skim his bio, he's 35, Born and raised in Georgia. He looks like an actor not an author. No, no, no, Ana is not going to lunch with this fucker. But if I tell her no she can't go then she will definitely be all pissed at me. I let Taylor know to send Ryan and Reynolds to back up Sawyer. And I want to know where they are having lunch.

"Taylor, I want an update every minute of what is going on at that lunch."

"Sir, I don't think you have anything to worry about, Mrs. Grey is only interested in you, Sir."

"Taylor, it's not Ana I am worried about, it's that fucker Fox."

I start to pace my office. I don't know what I was thinking. Why did I buy Ana Grey Publishing? I could of had her just stay home. She could do volunteer work. Accompany me to out of town business meetings. I put my head in my hands and start to concentrate on my breathing. I think I am starting to have a panic attack. Taylor approaches me and starts talking to me to calm me. I concentrate on his voice. I lie down on my couch and eventually sleep finds me.

APOV

I don't know why this author insisted on meeting me at the Fairmount Hotel for lunch. He said he had other appointments and would be leaving Seattle soon. So if I wanted to negotiate the contract I needed to go to him. I started reading his manuscript a couple of weeks ago. I am sitting on the fence as to whether or not I want to go ahead and publish it. There are some things in there that resemble my life story. Truth be told, it felt like I wrote the story. I have never met Boyce Fox and I want to meet with him so I can make my decision. Every phone call, every email with this man has left me on edge. I know Christian has noticed and I don't want to worry him. I guess by not saying anything he is worrying just the same. Christian needs to let me spread my wings. If he wants me to be successful he has to trust my instincts. I thought the moment I sent that text message that I was meeting Boyce Fox he would go all Fifty on me and forbid me to meet with him. But he did nothing. As a matter of fact he didn't even respond. I have a feeling that he's probably hurt and I will have a lot of explaining to do tonight. I know I can get my fifty feeling all happy again, I hope. I remember my conversation with Kate the last time fifty and I had a blowout that I refer to as babygate.

 _ **flashback**_

" _ **Ana, what is wrong with you? Why are you always pushing Christian? You know that man loves you. Everything he does, he does for you. He would die for you."**_

" _ **I am scared Kate"**_

" _ **Scared of what? Ana I have never seen a man more in love."**_

" _ **He started talking about me not going to get my birth control shot. He started talking about trying to have children. Plural Kate. Not one, he wants a soccer team. I don't think I will ever be ready to have a child. What if I end up like my mother and hate my child?**_

" _ **You will never be like her"**_

" _ **You don't know that Kate. You can't guarantee that I won't turn out like her. Everyone that knew her said she was so excited to be a mother when she was pregnant. Then I came and she hated me for ruining her life. I couldn't even tell Christian the reason why. So of course he assumes I just don't want to have his children. I hurt him Kate. And I don't know, maybe this is a defense mechanism for me. Why is he with me anyways? He's so smart, kind, beautiful, what does he see in me. There are millions of women that would fall to his feet, comply to his every whim. And here I am always challenging him. I am scared all the time he's going to one day realize that I am not worth it."**_ Kate holds me as I cry uncontrollably.

 **End of flashback**

I have been seated and told that "my date" would be with me shortly. What the hell, date? Did she not see the blinding ring on my left finger? No-one seems to ever miss it. Mind you only the women that are trying to get Christian's attention seem to ignore it.

"Hello Ms. Grey, so glad you can make it on short notice. I ordered our meal in advance, I hope you like what I have planned for you today" Ok NOT liking this guy at all. My insides are screaming and I need Purell to clean the hand he just kissed.

"Hello Mr. Fox, it's actually Mrs. Christian Grey, but you can call me Ana." He shoots me a look. Stick that up your arse. He damn well knows that I am married. I quickly glance at Luke. Luke Sawyer, my CPO, my friend. I spend just as much time with Luke as I do Christian. I think sometimes Luke wants to kill me. He says I don't take my safety seriously enough. So we came up with a plan. Almost like a 'code look' when I am feeling uncomfortable in a situation. He said this will allow him to give me more freedom but that I needed to be honest in each and every situation and he would trust my instincts and give me some space. The next thing I see is Ryan and Reynolds at the table next to us. I try not to chuckle. So Christian didn't respond to my text but he sent two more CPO's to watch my lunch meeting. God I love my over protective fifty.

"When I was reading your manuscript I got the feeling it was more of an autobiography rather than fiction."

"Have some champagne Ana."

"No thank you, I don't drink."

"This is Bollinger Rose, the best out there. Let's have a celebratory drink. We can make a toast to our new relationship."

"First off, I said that I don't drink. Secondly, Grey Publishing has not made you and offer and thirdly, we have no relationship. A relationship implies a connection. Thus far, we have no connection." I am using my best Christian Grey glare, he taught it to me so that when I do negotiations with authors I can show them that they can't intimidate me. It doesn't seem to be working on Fox.

"Ana, I always get what I want. And I don't know why, but I want you. And you I shall have." Sawyer, Ryan and Reynolds are surrounding my table. I stand up grab my purse.

"I guess you have figured out by now that Grey Publishing will not be offering you a contract. I am sure that you are more than capable of picking up the tab for this lunch that didn't happen."

"Are you crazy bitch all I have to do is go to Roach and sign the offer." Luke has him by the neck. I look at him and tell him to let go of him. He glares at me but eventually lets Fox go.

With three CPO's surrounding me it's easy to have courage.

"I am the craziest bitch you are ever going to meet. Not only can I guarantee that GP will not be publishing your manuscript, I will let any company out there know that if they pick it up I will buy their company."

"You don't have that kind of power, Orphan Annie." And everything goes black.


	21. GHOSTS FROM THE PAST

GHOSTS FROM THE PAST

 _ **SEATTLE NOOZ Late breaking news, Mrs. Christian Grey was spotted at the Fairmount Hotel with non other than New York Time's Best Selling Author, Boyce Fox. Sources say that they got very cozy during lunch even enjoying a bottle of Bollinger Rose. Mrs. Grey's security team interrupted the rendezvous and she ended up fainting. Her security team promptly whisked her to Seattle Hospital. We are stationed outside and there is still no sign of Christian Grey. Trouble in paradise? Ladies hold your breath, the sexiest billionaire on the planet may soon be on the market. We are taking bets as to when divorce papers will be filed and how much of Grey's networth will decrease. We will post more as information becomes available.**_

CPOV

"Welch, get that shit taken down, now." Who the fuck do these people think they are? Do they know who they are messing with? I am going to crush that gossip rag once and for all.

"Ros, do whatever you can to buy the Nooz. Get Kavanaugh Media involved."

I am pacing the hallway outside of Ana's room. Sawyer explained everything that went down at the Fairmount. Why would Ana react like that? For the most part Sawyer said she wasn't intimidated by Fox. I have to admit when Taylor assigned Luke Sawyer to Ana I was hesitant. He's a good looking guy. I refused to have him watch Ana. Finally Taylor told me that if Sawyer would be interested in anyone it wouldn't be Ana, it would be me. Light bulb moment. I am glad that Ana has him, I trust him with her life. And Ana is more receptive to security because she likes Sawyer. I am not crazy that she has formed a friendship with him, I am grateful that she allows him to do his job. My mother has come by and I force her to go see what is going on with Ana.

"Christian darling, Ana is still asleep. There is nothing physically wrong with her. They think that her panic attack caused her body to shut down. Obviously something happen at that lunch that scared her. Do you have any additional information that can help us."

"No mother, from what Sawyer said she didn't even have anything to drink. She was there less than 10 minutes before she got up to leave. And then he called her Orphan Annie." My mother gasps and puts her hand to her mouth.

"Mother do you know anything, why that would affect Ana like that."

I remember when Ana was brought in to the hospital when she was 8. When we asked her what her name was she said Orphan Annie." None of this makes any sense. Welch's report on Fox, although preliminary shows that a Boyce Fox does not actually exist. There are no birth records, school records, nothing. Welch's opinion is that Boyce Fox is not his real name. He promised me that he wouldn't sleep until he figured out his real identity. I am always blown away by the loyalty my staff shows especially toward Ana. I think they actually like her more than me. Once the medical staff leave Ana's room the doctor comes towards me.

"Mr. Grey, I am Dr. Fisher, We have run all types of tests on your wife and we can't find anything physically wrong with her. She is currently still asleep. I want to see her when she wakes so i can examine her further. I have given your mother my pager number, please make sure you page me when she wakes." I thank Dr. Fisher and make my way into my Ana's room.

She's lying on the bed. She has all these machines attached to her to monitor her heart rate. She has and IV to keep her hydrated. But she still looks like my Goddess. The little V that forms in between her eyes is there. Even unconscious my Ana is worried about something. Who is this fucker and what does it have to do with Ana. I remove my shoes and my jacket and crawl into the small bed with my Ana. I know that if I don't she will have nightmares. I am careful not to wake her so I lie on my side as still as possible just staring at her.

APOV

Where am I? What is wrong with me? The last thing I remember is being at the Fairmount with Boyce Fox. Where is Christian? I miss him. And then I hear the voice of my beautiful fifty.

"Ana please wake up. I promise my love that I will always protect you. No-one will every hurt you. I love you and miss you so much. I need you like I need air to breath. My life is empty without you. I am nothing without you." And then my fifty recites his wedding vows to me.

"I Christian Grey, solemnly swear to love, honour and cherish you. I promise to keep your nightmares away. I promise to love you in good times and in bad times, in sickness and in health. I promise to tell you that I love you first thing in the morning and tell you that I can't imagine my life without you before we lay our heads down at night to sleep. I promise to let you know everyday how grateful I am that I have you in my life." And then I hear his sobs. My fifty is broken. I want to reach out and touch him but my body is not reacting to my wishes. Through Christians sobs he says

"Baby you're crying, please don't cry. But I am so happy that you can hear me. Sleep my sweet Angel. I will not leave your side. I will be here when you wake."

I wake up feeling warm. Christian is wrapped around me like a vine. I don't mind. I actually crave his touch. Nurse Nora is glaring at me and I beg her not to wake him. He doesn't sleep as much as he should. He's always working or doing things with me or for me. My man needs his rest. I use the death glare that Christian has helped me master and she ends up leaving the room. Christian is going to lose his mind when I tell him that I have had a bad feeling regarding Fox. The look on his face shows worry even though I am perfectly fine, why do I let this man worry about me. I decide that I am going to make an effort to be more careful when it comes to my safety. Definitely no more lunch meetings when it's just me and the author. I gently plant a kiss on Christian's nose and he instantly wakes.

CPOV

"Baby, you are awake." He gently kisses my lips and then tucks his head in the crook of my neck and I can feel his tears.

"I am fine Christian."

"You scared me half to death. What happen yesterday? What did that fucker do to you?"

"He didn't do anything yesterday."

"Ana, his real name is not Boyce Fox. Welch has vowed not to sleep until he finds out who he is. He disappeared yesterday while security was attending to you."

"Jacob Morton, his name is Jacob Morton. He's that monsters nephew. He lived with us for about a year. He use to terrorize me. Tell me all the things he would to me when I became a woman. Anyways, a couple of weeks ago his manuscript landed on my desk. The moment I read it I thought that it was a mirror image of my life. Even though my instincts screamed for me to steer clear of him I made arrangements to meet with him, discuss the possibility of publishing his work." I instantly get up. She purposely put herself in danger again. I have to get out of here. I feel like I can't breathe.

"Christian please listen to me. Please don't leave me. I am sorry I know I should of said something to you. But I had Luke, Ryan and Reynolds with me." I can barely control my anger and scream

"ONLY AFTER YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE MEETING HIM FOR LUNCH. HE COULD OF HURT YOU. HE COULD OF KILLED YOU. I CANT LIVE IN FEAR ALL THE TIME OF LOSING YOU ANA. I WONT DO IT. SAVE YOUR TEARS ANASTASIA." I storm out of the room. I need to get out of here. I text Welch Fox's real name. Taylor is right behind me. I exit the hospital to camera's flashing and questions flying.

"Is Mrs. Grey having an affair with Boyce Fox?" I lunge for the fucker but Taylor grabs me before my fist can connect with his jaw. I take off running. I need to clear my mind. I keep running for what feels like hours. I end up at Escala. Taylor is right behind me. I head into the elevator and Taylor heads to the service elevator.

TPOV

What a clusterfuck the past few days have been. Grey has lost his fucking mind. Mrs. Grey's disregard for her safety is going to give that man a stroke. I head out of the service elevator and go in search of Grey to make sure that he won't do anything crazy. I hear Gail calling my name. Grey is lying on the floor in the fetal position crying his eyes out rocking back and forth. Gail is trying to rub his back but he's screaming for her not to touch him. I am not sure what to do. Panic attacks I can handle but complete fucking meltdowns, I am at a loss. I decide to call Flynn and get him hear ASAP. I also am going to send Dr. Grey a message, maybe she can give him a sedative to calm him down.

APOV

I am in my bed crying. I haven't stopped since Christian walked out on me. I think I did it. I pushed him too far. He's fed up with me. I have been praying that he will come back to me and then I hear the door open. I start to howl all over again when I see that it is Grace.

"Sweet girl what is the matter?"

"Christian left me, it's over, he's done with me." I say in a whisper hoping that if I don't hear it maybe it wouldn't be true.

"Ana, start from the beginning please I highly doubt Christian has left you."

I proceed to tell Grace about the events that led up to my collapse.

"I don't deserve him Grace. He's too good for me. Look at me. I am nothing special. I only bring him grief. Last week Christian wanted me to stop taking my birth control. He wants a baby Grace. I don't think I can ever give him one. I don't want to take that dream away from him. All I ever do is take from Christian. He deserves someone who can keep him happy. He deserves to be a father, he would be a great father. I can't be a mother Grace. What if I hate my child like my mother hated me. Why did she hate me Grace?" And the floodgates open and once again I am crying uncontrollably."

"Ana, I am going to make arrangements for you to see a therapist, she's a good friend of mine. You need to get help with this. You can't close your eyes and hope it goes away. As for Christian being done with you, I am certain he will be here tonight watching you sleep. Just give him some time sweet girl." She holds me tight but is interrupted by a page. There is panic in her face.

"Grace is everything ok with Christian?"

"Yes, I have to go Ana but I will be back later. You have alot of security outside you will be safe." She kisses me on the forehead and leaves.

GPOV

I didn't want Ana to panic but when I got that text message from Taylor telling me that Christian was having what seemed like a nervous breakdown I had to get out of there. Thankfully all of Christian's close security takes really good care of him. Taylor has already called Dr. Flynn. My poor little boy, so lost when he feels like he's out of control. He must of been so scared when Ana was brought into the hospital. I race up to his place and as the elevator doors open, there is my baby boy, lying on the floor crying and rocking himself back and forth. He won't let anyone near him. I get on the floor and call out his name.

"I won't hurt you Christian, please baby boy, let me help you."

"Mommy, please don't let them hurt me, please mommy." I start to cry, it reminds me of the day I met Christian when he was brought into emergency. My little boy was lost and scared. He has that same look in his eyes.

 _ **SEATTLE NOOZ- LATE BREAKING NEWS. CEO BILLIONAIRE CHRISTIAN GREY HAS CHECKED INTO A REHAB FACILITY. SOURCES SAY THAT GREY WAS SO DISTRAUGHT WITH HIS WIFE'S DALLIANCE WITH BOYCE FOX, HE HAD A NERVOUSE BREAKDOWN. MEAHWHILE, MRS. GREY HAS NOT BEEN SEEN SINCE LEAVING SEATTLE HOSPITAL. SHE HAS BEEN STAYING WITH BEST FRIEND KATE KAVANAUGH OF KAVANAUGH MEDIA. WE WILL KEEP YOU POSTED AS MORE NEWS BECOMES AVAILABLE. IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION PLEASE EMAIL GOSSIP NOOZ. COM**_


	22. HEALING HEARTS

HEALING HEARTS

FPOV

It's been a week after Christian's epic meltdown. The media has parked themselves in front of all things Grey 24/7. I had to get Christian and Ana out of here. I made the decision to take them both to Aspen along with a therapist for Ana. They need individual therapy as well as couple's therapy. Christian is actually responding much better with the therapy. Ana seems to be having a hard time with it. Her self-esteem is basically sabotaging any happy life she will ever have. Today is the first day we are having a couple's therapy session. Christian and Ana have barely spoken but faithfully every night they sleep in the same bed. Seems that neither of them can sleep without each other. Connie, Ana's therapist is going to co-facilitate this session with me. We need them to both feel safe in order for them to open up.

"Christian, Ana, thank you for joining us today. I want to start off by saying that today's session has no agenda. We will cater to what you two feel needs addressing. So who wants to start?"

APOV

This week has been hell. I have been holed up in this beautiful house in Aspen, basically a hostage with not one but two therapists. But I won't leave, I can't leave. I was responsible for Christian's breakdown. I broke my fifty. I will never forgive myself. I want so badly for things to go back to the way they were but both Flynn and Connie think that if we keep ignoring our issues we will continue to hurt each other. I would never hurt my man, I love him more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. My life would have no meaning without him. But maybe I should let him go. Maybe I am not good for him.

"I will never be enough for Christian." He gasps and is about to say something but Connie stops him.

"Why do you think that Ana?" Flynn asks

"Look at me. And then look at him." I knot my hands together and look down to the ground.

"He's intelligent, sexy, kind, generous, loyal, honest, a billionaire. A real Adonis. Forbes rated him sexiest business man to ever live." What I would give for Christian to come and hold me.

"I am just Ana. I am smart, definitely not sexy, I don't lie but I also don't tell the truth. All I do is take from Christian and one day he will realize that I am not worth the effort and leave me."

CPOV

What the hell is Ana saying? How can she think so poorly of herself? I go to speak and am stopped by Connie. Not so sure I like this woman. I just want to go wrap my arms around my Ana. I feel like this session is more damaging than healing. Thankfully Flynn speaks.

"Christian can you please tell Ana why you love her and why you want to be with her?"

"You're my Goddess. Not only for your outer beauty but for your inner beauty. Why can't you see what everyone else sees? You make me laugh like no-one ever has. My life before you was all about GEH and it was lonely. Yes I have had many women throwing themselves at me. But none of them captured my heart like you did. When I am away from for even half a second, my heart aches because it misses you. You're my best friend, my lover, my wife, my life. Nothing will ever replace you." I move over towards Ana ignoring Connie's suggestion that I stay where I am. I pick her up and place her in my lap. I gently run my hand up and down her arm.

"I felt so alone that night you left my hospital room. I thought I had lost you. You were so angry with me. I was so scared. I wake up every day scared that you will tell me to leave that we're done. I am tired of being scared. I have been scared my whole life." I wipe the tears from her beautiful face and plant a kiss on her forehead.

"You're right baby, I was really angry. But more at the situation and that things were out of my control. I wouldn't survive without you and the thought of someone trying to hurt you made me snap. I need you to take the threats seriously. Being with me makes you a target. And I hate that I bring that in your life. But you need to let me and the security team protect you. It's like you have a death wish. Do you trust me to protect you Ana?"

"Absolutely there is no-one that I trust more than you. I am sorry Christian. I promise moving forward I will follow security protocol. I will not give Luke and Taylor or you a hard time." I smile and squeeze her arm.

"Ana, you still have to be your own person. You cannot make a promise like that." Flynn interjects before I have a chance to floor the bitch.

"With all due respect Connie, you cannot begin to imagine the number of threats that Christian and Ana receive on a daily basis. Taylor, how many came in yesterday?"

"5, 4 of them were not really concerning but we are still looking into the 5th one." I think she's left speechless.

"Ms. Wagner, I am the wealthiest man in Seattle. I am involved in a lot of hostile takeovers. There are a lot of people who want what I have. And that includes Ana. They know she's my weakness and that makes her a target. I can't change that aspect of my life. So yes it is necessary that she follows security protocol. My entire family has security detail. Hell even Flynn and his family have a CPO. It will not stop Ana from living her life."

"You and Ana are codependent. It is not healthy. You have made it so you can't even sleep without being together." And then my beautiful Goddess finds her voice.

"Connie, Christian and I couldn't sleep before we got together. We both had the same issues with nightmares. You're making it seem dirty. I love Christian and I know that having a life with Christian means having a life with CPO's, security meetings, people knowing my every move. It's for my safety. I came to that realization last week when I ended up in the hospital. I am done for today. I am tired and hungry and just want to relax and take a bath, read a book and not overthink." My baby is hungry so we will address that need first. I take her into the kitchen and pull out the mac and cheese I had Gail make.

"I don't like her Christian. It's like she wants us apart. Why can't we share Flynn? I trust him and I think that it would help if he knew what I was feeling before we do the couple's therapy again."

"I will talk to John. I am sure that he won't mind taking you on. And I think you're right, she doesn't seem to see the end result is that we will be together. This is just a bump in the road." And for the first time in a week I take her in my arms and kiss her letting her know how much I have missed her. My tongue seeks permission to enter her mouth and she grants it. I remember that she's hungry so I pull away with the promise that there will be more later on.

We spent another week in Aspen and things have been going really well. John took Ana as his patient and he seems to be helping her. I have been a little distracted has there has been no sighting of Boyce Fox/Jacob Morton. No credit card activity, no cell phone calls, nothing. He's gone off the grid. Taylor and Sawyer have assured me that Ana is safe. I have a surprise for her. Tonight we are going out on date. I have even hired a hair stylist and makeup artist to come to the house to pamper Ana. Nothing but the best for my Goddess. She giggled like a school girl and has been trying to get it out of me since yesterday. I even woke up to my girl riding me. I put on a tux, I want this night to be special. She deserves special every minute of the day.

APOV

I look in the mirror and don't even recognize the person looking back. I realize why Christian did this. He wanted me to feel beautiful. And for the first time in my life I believe it. I smile at my reflection. I know that I have a lot of work to do to finally put those demons to rest. But I am going to do it with fifty by my side. And then I see him, he's in a beautiful black tux. He's so handsome. I mentioned to him that I liked his stubble so he's unshaven. He takes me by the hands and makes me twirl around.

"Anastasia, my god you are beautiful."

"You're not to shabby yourself." Christian grabs my face and begins to kiss me. I run my nose along his jaw. He smells so good. I tell him we better go or we might not make it to my surprise.

Christian took me to Maroon Bells, two peaks in the Elk Mountains. He has arranged for a private driver to bring us up the mountains. We will be having a picnic.

"Christian darling this is breath taking. Thank you so much." This moment is so overwhelming. He's so good to me. For so many years of my life I was guarded everyone I came into contact with hurt me. I never thought when I was brought into that hospital at 8 years of age near death that my life would turn out this way.

"Mrs. Grey, will you dance with me?"

"It would be my pleasure sure."

We had the most magical night. On the ride back to the house I have fallen asleep. I awoke as Christian was carrying me into the house.

"Christian I can walk."

"I got you baby." He carries me into the bathroom places me down on the chair. I close my eyes and hear him moving stuff around. I next feel a cool cream on my face. He's wiping away my makeup.

"Ahh, there's my girl I fell in love with. You looked beautiful tonight but you are my Goddess without all this stuff on." Swoon. Is this man for real? He picks me up and carries me to the bed.

"I am going to make love to you all night. I love you Anastasia Grey. I will always love you. You hold my heart in your hands. Baby you are mine, all mine."

"Only yours Christian."

 **Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favorites. I am really having a lot of fun doing this. I have another story idea in my head and once I map it out I will start posting it. I love being creative with different backgrounds for these two characters. Bless EL James who created them.**


	23. DECISIONS

_**I just wanted to say that based on the traffic a lot more people read chapter 22 and skipped right over 21. I think this happens when I upload more than one chapter a day. If I post more than one chapter a day I will let you know.**_

DECISIONS

CPOV

It's been a couple of months since Aspen and things have been going really great. Both Ana and I have individual weekly sessions with Flynn and a joint session to make sure that we are both on the same page. We both realized that this is the first relationship for either of us and it will take work. My money can't take away all the years of emotional and physical abuse both Ana and I suffered as children. Ultimately we are both afraid of the same thing, losing each other. We both made a promise in Aspen that we would never leave. I have several out of town business meetings coming up and I have asked Ana to join me. Being an editor she can pretty much work from anywhere. Our 4 year wedding anniversary is coming up and I have a huge surprise for Ana. I hope she's as excited as I am about it. I am sitting in my office alone eating lunch. I invited Ana but she said if I wanted her to join me on my business trip she would need to schedule meetings this week. I remember the session with Flynn where I thought I had lost my Ana.

 _ **flashback**_

" _ **Christian, Ana so tell me how are things going?" We both smiled and said wonderful. Because truthfully things were wonderful. And then there was silence. Both Ana and I looked at the ground not knowing what we were going to say next. I had a few sessions with Flynn about something I wanted to talk to Ana about but didn't know how to approach it. I guess here goes nothing.**_

" _ **I want to talk about children and discuss having them one day." Ana looks like a deer caught in the headlights. And then her stunned look turns to anger.**_

" _ **I thought we already discussed this Christian. I am not cut out to be a mother. Is having children a deal breaker?"**_

" _ **What do you mean Ana?"**_

" _ **Us, you and me, if we don't have children is that a deal breaker for you? Will you want out? Will you want to be with someone who can give you children? Cause if you do then there is nothing left for us to talk about." She gets up and I begin to panic.**_

" _ **Ana where are you going? The session is not over yet. You promised me you would never leave."**_

" _ **You promised me that I WAS ENOUGH! I can't give you what you want. I don't want to deny you your right to be a father. Make a decision do you want a baby or me. If you want a baby I will let you go." I sat in Flynn's office stunned. She was so angry and cold. I didn't even know the Ana I just experienced. I knew she scared but I didn't really understand the depths of her fear.**_

 _ **Ana didn't come home that night . I had no idea where she went. She didn't use any of her credit cards and turned off her phone. I called anyone I could think and no-one had heard from her. I had Welch break into the street cams to see where she went. It was about 4am when we figured out she was at the Fairmount. She used cash to rent a room under her maiden name. I made my way over to the door. I could hear her crying standing outside the room. I knew that I had to keep my anger in check. I knocked on the door and the crying stopped.**_

" _ **Anastasia, I know you are in there, please open the door."**_

 _ **My Goddess is gone, standing in front of me is a broken 8 year old little girl. Scared and lost. She leaves me standing at the door to go back to lying on the bed and crying. I walk over to the bed, take off my shoes and lie next to her. Her back to my front, I wrap my arms around her and hold her as she cries. I whisper in her ear.**_

" _ **I choose you."**_

 _ **End of Flashback**_

My door flings open and I am brought out of my memory.

"Hey babe, I was just thinking about you. Everything ok?" She has a scowl on her face.

"When does Andrea get back? I hate that woman out there. She told me you didn't want to be disturbed. I swear Christian I just want to poke her eyeballs out." I get up and go to my door.

"Ms. James, I believe that when I tell you I don't want to be disturbed you would know it doesn't include my wife."

"I will make a note of that." I make a mental note to see what it will take to get Andrea back.

I walk over to my Goddess and wrap my arms around her and kiss her forehead.

"So what do I owe the pleasure of your presence? I thought you were too busy for me today babe." I put on a full on pout, I know my Ana can't resist.

"I decided that having lunch with my beautiful husband was more important than anything else."

We eat lunch talking about everything Ana wants to do in New York. She looks like a kid in a candy store, she's so excited. Her excitement is infectious. I am a little worried there still has been no sighting of Jacob Morton. I don't understand how someone can disappear without a trace. I am pulled out of my thoughts as Ana straddles me.

"Babe, as much as I want you always to be on top of me, don't you have a meeting in 5 minutes."

Ana jumps from my lap runs to the door, runs back to me and tells me she will finish what she started later tonight. With a kiss and wink my Goddess runs out the door. I made the right decision. I want children but I want Ana more. I can live with that.

APOV

It's 5am and we are on our way to the airport. I am really excited to go to New York. I have never been there. I have asked Christian to book a ballet and Opera show. Christian surprised me when we were leaving for the airport without any of my luggage. He had a whole wardrobe for the trip delivered to his New York apartment.

"Hey babe, isn't the airport the other way."

"Yes, but I have a surprise first."

"Do you mind if I blindfold you." I shake my head no. He looks so excited about something I don't want to ruin this moment for him.

As we come to a stop he exits the car. He comes and opens my door and he takes my hand. We walk for about 5 minutes and it smells like nature. He then pulls me down to the ground on his lap. He takes off the blindfold and I am sitting in a meadow full of wildflowers with the sun rising.

"Christian, thank you it's beautiful. You brought me here to watch the sunrise. You're such a romantic."

He chuckles and kisses me on my lips. He helps me up and we walk towards a house.

"Whose house is this?"

"It's yours baby. I bought it for you, well for us. But it's in your name." I look from him to the house back to him. I can't control my tears.

 _ **Flashback**_

" _ **Hey babe, do you like living at Escala?"**_

" _ **I love it here Christian. I never thought I would. I always dreamed of having a house with a meadow overlooking the sound."**_

 _ **End of flashback**_

"What do you think?"

I start to cry. I look down shake my head and jump into his arms.

"I think you are the most perfect human being on the face of the earth. We had a five minute conversation months ago about a house in the sound and you made it come true. I love you so much Christian. You are the best thing that has ever happen to me. I go to bed at night and thank the gods above that he brought you into my life."

"Ditto babe"

I know in this moment that my surprise for him is going to floor him. I am going to give it to him in New York City. I can't wait to see his expression.

 _ **New York trip and Ana's surprise will be up in the next chapter. (you won't have to wait too long)**_

 _ **Thanks for the reviews good and bad and all the follows and favorites.**_


	24. DREAMS DO COME TRUE

**Three chapters in 12 hours lots of pm's have inspired me to keep going. Thanks again for all the support.**

DREAMS DO COME TRUE

CPOV

On the flight to New York City Ana would not stop talking. I had a lot of prep work for my meetings so I had the security team listen to her. She has a whole itinerary of things to do while I am at work. She has let me plan our time together. I glanced over to Sawyer who has rolled his eyes so many times I am surprised that they haven't popped out of his head.

"Luke Sawyer, if you roll your eyes at me one more time I am going to take you over my knee. I want you to show some enthusiasm. This is my first time in New York City and I want you to be excited. You got it?" I try and stifle my laugh but am not successful.

"Taylor, you better order to Luke to change his attitude. I want to enjoy my time in New York City." She points her finger at Saywer and says, "You got it buddy." Luke looks down to the ground so he doesn't burst out laughing and mumbles I got it. My Goddess walks over to me climbs into my lap and starts kissing my neck. I have to ask Flynn about multiple personality disorder.

"Baby why don't you go lie down we still have a ways to go."

"Only if you come with me." She reaches for my cock and squeezes. Jesus, my sex kitten has awaken. Not sure what has gotten into Ana in the past few days. She was always ready and willing but lately she has started taking charge. And who am I to complain. Screw the prep work. I pull her up and drag her to the bedroom. She instantly drops to her knees and starts to undo my pants. My cock is buried deep in her throat. "Ana, stop, I am going to cum." She looks up at me with those baby blues and continues to deep throat me. It doesn't take me long before I am shooting my load down her throat. Like a champ she swallows it all. She even licks me clean. As she's stroking my cock for round two I grab her under her arms and pull her to the bed.

"Get on all fours and hold on to the headboard babe." She quickly complies. I enter her from behind and she moans which makes my cock twitch with excitement.

"Christian, harder please."

"You want it rough baby." She nods her head yes. I start pounding into her not giving her a chance to even catch her breath. I pinch her nipples, she screams more. I feel like her pussy is squeezing the life out of me. She's so close.

"Don't cum Anastasia, I don't want you to come just yet. I am not done with you."

"Please Christian, I can't hold off any longer." My baby is about to explode.

"Cum for me Anastasia." She screams my name I am surprised the security team hasn't come through the door. Ana falls asleep instantly. I get dressed and head back out to get as much work as I can get done before she wants me for round 3.

The last couple of days in New York have been amazing. Ana has been sightseeing all day with Sawyer, Ryan and Reynolds. Security is always a nightmare when out in public especially in New York City where we feel like we are out of our element. I think they are actually enjoying themselves. Our nights have been filled with romantic dinners, star gazing in Central park and a horse and carriage ride.

Tonight we are going to the Met and then back to our place to have dinner on the balcony. I bought Ana a Royal Blue Ball gown along with a beautiful diamond encrusted headband. I think she almost fainted thinking about the price. It's the eve before our anniversary and my baby is going to get spoiled.

"Christian, I feel like a princess. Thank you for all of this. But mostly thank you for you."

"Baby you look so beautiful, but not like a princess but a Queen. My Queen. But you want to know something, you look most beautiful first thing in the morning when those baby blues open and you flutter your eyelashes at me. That is beauty at its best."

She kisses me hard and bites my lower lip. My sex kitten has turned into a lioness.

"Christian we said no gifts, between the House, which I love by the way, and the clothes and the stunning jewellery enough is enough. You know I only want you. Nothing else matters to me. I hope you know that."

"I do know that baby and that is why it makes me even happier to give you everything."

We decide to stay on the balcony to watch the stars until Midnight strikes so we can officially celebrate our fourth year wedding anniversary. I never imagined being married let alone four years. But I also never imagined meeting anyone like Ana. She has truly made me the man I am today. We dance to John Legend's All of Me under the stars. My phone beeps to alert us that it is one minute to midnight. We are going to do the countdown.

"10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 HAPPY ANNIVERSARY" I life my beautiful Ana up off the ground and gently kiss her. She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me even closer to her.

"Christian, I love you with all that I am. I have something for you." I don't know why but I feel so shy. She didn't have to get me anything. But I have to say I am sure it will be something she put a lot of thought into.

APOV

Christian is carefully unwrapping the gift I gave him. My stomach has butterflies. I am so excited to see his reaction. I saw this when I was walking around before we came to New York City. When I have alot on my mind I either end up in the gym or end up walking for hours. This gift actually put everything in perspective for me. It was a lightbulb moment. He looks confused, he stares down at the package and then up at me. He pulls out the white baby sleeper that says **MY DADDY LOVES ME.**

He looks at me and back to the sleeper and he has tears in his eyes.

"Ana, you want to have a baby." I shake my head no and he looks confused.

 _ **Flashback**_

 _ **I walk into Dr. Greene's office to get my shot. I am sitting in the waiting room with what seems like dozens of happy pregnant women. I think to myself what would any of these women give to be pregnant with The Christian Grey's baby. I chuckle at the thought. The receptionist calls my name and I enter the office.**_

" _ **Hello Mrs. Grey, how are you feeling?"**_

" _ **Great, I am going to New York so I need to get the shot."**_

" _ **Mrs. Grey, I can't give you the shot you are pregnant."**_

" _ **Ana, please call me Ana, You're wrong, it's a mistake. I can't be pregnant."**_

" _ **Unfortunately birth control is not 100% effective."**_

" _ **I don't want it." I think I shocked the doctor.**_

" _ **I can't have it. I want it out. I want to terminate the pregnancy."**_

" _ **Calm down Ana. Let's go do an ultrasound so we can see how far along you and how much time you have to decide if you do want to go ahead with termination." I can barely breathe as I lie on the bed. She is doing a transvaginal ultrasound and she confirms I am 4-5 weeks pregnant. I turn to look at the screen and it looks like a little blip. I turn away and cry.**_

" _ **Go home and talk to your husband. You still have a few weeks to make your decision. How about I book you an appointment two weeks from today and you can let me know what you decide." Oh my god, Christian. He's going to hate me. How can I ever look at him again. I exit Dr. Greene's office and start running. Luke is right behind me calling out my name. He finally catches up to me and asks me what is wrong.**_

" _ **I just want to walk Luke. Please don't report this to Taylor I don't want to worry Christian."**_

 _ **We walked around Seattle for hours. I sat in Starbucks drinking Hot Chocolate. I swear I am seeing pregnant women everywhere. How can I have this baby? I will be a horrible mother. I get up and start walking again and I pass this little boutique where I spot the sleeper.**_

 _ **End of flashback**_

"Ana, you're pregnant." He says in barely a whisper as he places his hands on my face.

"Please don't hate me. I am so sorry. I am so sorry for even thinking of terminating the pregnancy."

He pulls me on to his lap and holds me tight.

"Ana, I can never hate you. I know you were scared and I am sorry that you had to go through that by yourself."

CPOV

My insides are screaming inside, we are having a baby. I don't want to scare Ana, I know she's terrified and I am going to spend every day of this pregnancy being there for her and assuring her that she will be the best mother ever.

"Christian, I'm scared. What if I am not good enough? What if I end up like my mother, hating this child. I already feel horrible that I wanted to terminate it. Promise me, you have to promise me that if you sense anything that makes you question my abilities you will call me on it." My Ana is sobbing hysterically.

"Look at me Ana. I will always be there for you and the baby. And I will help you. I will get you help. Whatever you need to make this easy for you. You will not fail. We will not fail. Do understand me."

She smiles and giggles. I place my lips on her stomach and plant a soft kiss.

"Hey baby blip, I am your Daddy. I can't wait to meet you. And you're right, your Daddy does love you."

I pick up Ana and spin her around.

"Thank you Ana, I love you so much. Thank you for this gift."


	25. PICTURE PERFECT

PICTURE PERFECT

APOV

It's been two weeks since we returned from New York City and what can I say about Christian. He's a dream husband. He's been so patient with me. I have had my fair share of crying fits. He suggested increasing my sessions with Flynn to twice a week to try and deal with all these emotions. I have to say I have not been experiencing any morning sickness although I have been hornier than ever. I can't get enough of Christian. Christian has already set up the nursery. The house will not be ready by the time blip arrives so we will live at Escala for a couple of months. No-one knows that we are pregnant, the books say we should wait until we are twelve weeks. Christian has been reading everything and anything on pregnancy. I smile at the thought of my CEO and how excited he is for blip.

"Hey babe, the books say no raw sushi. I can't believe all the food restrictions. This book is amazing. It has all sorts of important information." I smile and bite my lip.

"Christian, I think that you should have been pregnant. You definitely would know all the do's and don'ts." He picks me up and slides me down his body.

"I did read that pregnant women are even hornier in their second trimester. And if you get any hornier I think my dick might fall off." I raise my eyebrow at him

"Are you complaining Mr. Grey."

"Absolutely not." He kisses me with such passion it makes me wet. God what this man can do to me.

"Christian if we don't leave we will be late."

Today is our appointment with Dr. Greene and Christian has rearranged his schedule to come with me.

I have changed into the hospital gown and we are waiting for the doctor to come in.

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Grey. How are you two doing today? Any issue's with your pregnancy so far?"

"No actually I have been feeling really good."

"Ok let's see how far along you are." Christian is beside me holding my hand with a big smile on his face. I think I can hear his heart beating a mile a minute. The doctor places some cold gel on my stomach and I squeeze Christian's hand. His eyes have not left the monitor to the left of me. I am looking at my fifty and I can see the moment he sees blip. He actually gasps.

"Well it looks like you are 10 weeks. Let me turn the sound on so you can hear the heartbeat."

I am still looking at Christian I can't look at the screen. Christian looks at me with worry and bends down to kiss my forehead. I feel so guilty why can't I be excited like him. I don't want to ruin this for him. I turn my head toward the screen but close my eyes. The doctor asks if we want a picture I nod my head yes. The tears are still falling.

"Ana, have you made a decision regarding the pregnancy."

My eyes are still closed and I tell her that we are going to keep the baby.

She turns off the machine and asks me to look at her.

"Being scared is normal. Most women that come into my office are scared. Don't be so hard on yourself. Get dressed and meet me in my office."

Dr. Greene leaves the office and Christian helps me from the bed. He has cleaned up the gel off my stomach. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my head.

"Can I let you in on a little secret. I am scared too Ana. But you know what helps me with that fear."

"No, what?"

"You" I look at him confused. I have not been helpful in this whole process.

"Since the day we met, you have helped me overcome so many of my fears. My fear of touch, my fear of intimacy, my fear of falling in love. You have made me a better person. You have made me want to be a better man, husband and now father. I am here for you. Whatever you are thinking you can talk to me you know that right?"

"I feel so guilty. I want to be excited but I am just scared. I am tired of being scared all the time. I just want to be normal Christian. Why couldn't my mother love me?"

"I don't know babe, but that was her loss. You are so loved. You have parents with Grace and Carrick, you have sisters with Mia and Kate and Elliot is the annoying older brother. And the thing that makes it more special is that they don't have to love you because you are related, they choose to love you."

We are back at Escala Christian runs me a bath. I told him I wanted to take my bath alone. He looked so sad but left. I am standing in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror. My body is already changing. I gently run my hand along my stomach.

CPOV

I stand outside the bathroom hoping Ana doesn't have a breakdown. She's been so emotional lately and I feel like I am failing her because I can't help her. I head to my study when Taylor approaches me.

"Sir, Jacob Morton aka Boyce Fox is back in Seattle. We have security detail on him 24/7. He will not get to Mrs. Grey."

"Thanks Taylor. Can you make sure Ana doesn't hear about this. She doesn't need the added stress."

I sit at my desk and look at the picture from the ultrasound. I have to get a frame. Once everyone knows I am going to put it on my desk at work. Baby Grey. Mine and Ana's baby. I am so excited but I was being truthful with Ana because truth be told I am scared shitless. My genetic makeup doesn't make me any better than Ana. But I know that we are going to be ok. Ana is the most kind, thoughtful, loyal and loving person I know. Next to Grace she could really be nominated for sainthood. I just wished she saw herself how everyone else sees her. I don't know how long I was staring at the picture before I heard my door open. My Goddess is standing there with my tshirt on. She walks over to me and climbs on my lap. I place my hands on her stomach and start trailing kisses down her arm.

"Theodore Raymond Grey." What is she talking about.

"What's that baby."

"I want to name the baby Theordore Raymond Grey. I owe that to Ray he and Maggie took me in and loved me. "

"I hope you have a girl's name in mind. I am not sure our daughter would appreciate us naming her that." For the first time I have hope that my Ana is coming around.

"Blip's a boy Christian. I can't explain it. I just feel it. I will be very surprised if the doctor tells us otherwise." She places her hands on top of mine.

"I am not going to be scared anymore. It's not fair to you or blip. You know I will never hurt this baby right?"

"Ana, I know that." She holds me tight.

"Thank you Christian for being so wonderful. I really am the luckiest girl alive."


	26. TEDDY

TEDDY

CPOV  
Ana's instincts were right. The doctor confirmed blip is a boy. I was so overwhelmed I was actually hyperventilating. Ana is doing much better. I am not so sure she's as excited as I am but she's really trying. We told our family when Ana was 12 weeks pregnant. Mother is overjoyed. I spoke to her about Ana's insecurities and she has been sure to call Ana once a day or drop by at work or Escala. I think Grace is having a positive influence on Ana.  
The news of the pregnancy has sent the paparazzi into a frenzy. They are all trying to get the first picture of Ana and her baby bump. They have nicknamed Ana the First Lady of Seattle. There are even pools on the date the baby will be born.  
We are sticking with Theodore Raymond Grey but are not telling anyone until after he is born. All of the sudden my office door swings open. It's my Goddess and she's crying but they don't look like sad tears. She looks happy.  
"Baby what's the matter. Everything ok?"  
"Yes. Everything is perfect." She grabbed my hands and placed them on her stomach.  
"Teddy. Daddy wants you to come out and play" and I can feel him kick.  
"He moved Christian. And he moved because of the sound of my voice. I let Kate and Elliot try it and Teddy didn't do anything. Then I said how's my baby boy doing and he kicked me again." Ana is now laughing and crying at the same time.  
"Do you think he will respond to me?" I hope so I don't want to be disappointed.

APOV  
Christian looks so happy but he also looks a little hurt. He's the one that has wanted Teddy from before he was even conceived. I really hope that Teddy makes a move. I close my eyes and say a silent prayer. Please Teddy acknowledge your daddy. He gets on his knees places both hands on my belly gives my belly a kiss and says  
"Teddy your daddy loves you so much and can't wait to meet you." Nothing. My heart breaks for Christian. Christian stands and kisses me on the lips. I hold him tightly. I know he's disappointed. Christian has a meeting that he needs to go to. As I gather my bag he bends down to give my belly a kiss and says "teddy, daddy will see you and mommy at home later." Kick. The look on Christians face was priceless. Thank you teddy. I just want him to be happy. He deserves happiness. He's the most selfless person I know.

I am at 30 weeks and Christian had an emergency meeting in Portland. He took Taylor and Charlie Tango. Gail is going with me to my doctors appointment.

In the doctors office she hands me paperwork that needs to be filled out prior to Teddy's arrival. She explains what each form is for and I willingly sign them.

"Ana, I think you should discuss them with Mr. Grey. I am not sure he would want you signing that form. If it comes down to it I am sure he would want you to be saved."

I know Gail is right and I am sure Christian is going to go bat shit crazy when he finds out. But I have to do this. This proves to me that I am no way like the woman who gave birth to me. It shows me that I love Teddy more than I love my own life. On our way out of the hospital I grab onto Luke.

"Ana what's wrong?"

"Someone is Watching me Luke. Please let's get out of here."

Am I crazy to be this happy? Every time I let my guard down something comes in ruins it. Realistically someone is always watching me whether it's the security team or paparazzi. But this get different. This felt evil.

I look at the clock and frown it's past 5 and I have not heard from Christian since he landed on Portland.

"Gail, have you heard from Taylor?"

"No Ana but I am sure they are fine."

I go and take a bath. When I enter the great room the entire Grey family and Kate are there. They look like they have been crying.

By the look on their faces I know that something has happen to Christian."

I start screaming his name begging for someone to tell me what is going on. And then I hear the last thing I remember.

"Charlie Tango is missing".


	27. DESPERATION

**Hello Everyone I planned on having this chapter up last night. I have been having computer issues and the last chapter I actually did via IPHONE. Not the easiest way to write a chapter. I really enjoy the reviews good and bad, it helps me see if I am communicating my message in the correct way. Anyways, I hope you all like this one.**

DESPERATION

GPOV

It's been five hours since Christian and Taylor have been missing. Ana was hysterical and her blood pressure was dangerously high. I had to sedate her. She has been sleeping ever since but I know that soon the sedative will wear off and we are no closer to finding Christian. Gail is sitting with Ana in her bedroom so if she wakes she will not be alone. Carrick is calling all his law enforcement buddies to assist with the search and rescue. Kate is using all the Kavanaugh media contacts to make sure that the story stays current and civilians will keep an eye out and report anything they may have seen. Mia is hanging onto to Elliot for dear life. Carrick has just come into the great room and looks upset. They have called off the search for tonight. It's too dark and they will resume in the morning.

"Carrick they have to find my baby boy. He can't stay out there all night. Please do something."

"Christian's security team have put together a search team and they will be searching through the night. Welch has not been able to locate the black box but he's still trying to map out the last places both Christian's and Taylor's cell phone had any activity. They have a radius mapped out. It's just a matter of time before they find them." Sawyer walks into the room

"Mrs. Grey, I promise by sunrise we will have located Mr. Grey and Taylor. I give you my word."

I nod and pray that this boy is right. I don't know what I would do without my Christian. I go and sit in his office behind his desk. I see the sonogram picture of Teddy and am reminded of the day I met my precious son.

 _ **Flashback**_

" _ **Grace, go home you have been here for sixteen hours. You cannot possible function without any sleep."**_

" _ **I can't go anywhere they're bringing in a four year old boy, possible abuse. The reports are he might night make it through the night. Severe beatings and is suffering from severe malnutrition." Thankfully my instincts told me to wait for them to bring him in. I could hear his screams before I saw him. He was wrapped in a blanket and was wearing only a dirty diaper. From a distance he didn't look like he was older than two. He was clutching a toy car and crying for his mommy. I asked everyone to leave the room as he was shaking from fear. Once they left I slowly approached him and pulled up a chair to sit in front of him.**_

" _ **My name is Grace, can you tell me what your name is?"**_

 _ **Nothing, he said nothing. He looked down to the toy car in his hand but at least he stopped shaking and crying.**_

" _ **Would you like to take a bath?" He shook his head no.**_

" _ **Are you sure there are boats you can play with in the bathtub?" He looked up at me with those grey eyes in wonder. I stood up and put out my hand and he just stared at it.**_

" _ **I promise grey eyes, I will not hurt you." He put is tiny hand in mine and we walked over to the bathroom. I handed him the boat and started filling the tub with water.**_

" _ **Ok time to take the boat sailing. Let's get you in the tub captain." As he turned towards the tub he placed the boat in the water. He took off the blanket and pulled down his diaper and began to get in. I almost gasped at the site of him. He couldn't of weighed more than twenty pounds. He had bones sticking out from everywhere. He had scars all over his back and fresh burn marks that were infected.**_

 _ **When I looked at his chest he had similar scars. As I wet a washcloth and started to wash him he pulled away from me.**_

" _ **Ok grey eyes, here is the cloth you wash yourself." He proceeded to wash himself as I had shown him. When he got to his chest he winced as the cloth brushed on his burns. I texted the nurse's station to bring some anti-biotic cream and also order some mac n cheese, French fries and chocolate milk. He stayed in the bath for an hour. He didn't want to get out. He was having so much fun with the boat.**_

" _ **My husband has a boat. One day I will take you sailing with my family. Would you like that?" He nodded yes.**_

" _ **Ok time to get out we need to get dressed and you need to eat." I realized that he would allow me to touch him everywhere except his chest and back. I handed him the ointment and showed him how to put it on the scars so that they will heal properly. He couldn't reach his back so I had to hear him wail as I put the cream on his wounds. It broke my heart.**_

 _ **The food was brought to the room and I watched him eat everything in front of him.**_

" _ **Slow down baby boy, you're going to get a tummy ache." After being clean and full he finally fell asleep. It was almost sunrise and I got into my car and drove straight to my parent's house. My father was always the voice of reason for me. I walked into the house and directly went to my father's office. I poured myself the biggest glass of whisky, sat in the chair and drank.**_

 _ **My father came into his office turned on the light and walked over to sit next to me.**_

" _ **Gracie, darling, what brings you over here at this time? Is everything ok with Carrick and Elliot?"**_

 _ **He wiped away the tears that were falling from my eyes. I relive the events of the night put my head in my daddy's lap and cry like I have never cried before.**_

" _ **So when am I going to meet my newest grandson?" I looked up at him and hugged him so tight, it knocked the wind out of him. How did he know that I wanted to keep grey eyes."**_

" _ **I love you Daddy. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for always supporting me."**_

" _ **I love you too Gracie, now get going and go get my grandson and bring him home."**_

 _ **On the way back to the hospital I contacted the lawyer who helped with Elliot's adoption. I explained the situation and he explained the process. He told me it might be more difficult than it was with Elliot because he had actually been placed up for adoption. We don't know if the baby boy has any family members out there. I argue with him and tell him that if he has any family members they are not worthy to raise him based on the condition he is in right now.**_

 _ **I stopped and picked up an array of breakfast foods. I wanted to meet up with the social worker to let them know I was interested in adopting him. When I get back to the hospital I meet with the head of my department and let him know of my plans.**_

" _ **Grace, this is very noble of you but you can't go adopting every kid that comes in here."**_

" _ **I feel a connection to him. I don't know how to explain it. I just want him as my son." We review the police records and see that he was with the body of his dead mother for at least four days before he was discovered. Two months later he became Christian Trevelyn Grey.**_

 _ **End of flashback**_

I love all my children but my relationship with Christian is different. We have a special bond. I can't lose grey eyes. I place my head on his desk and cry.

APOV

I feel groggy. Where am I? What time is it? Charlie Tango is missing. My Christian is missing. Gail is sitting by the bed as I start wailing.

"Ana please calm down, your blood pressure is too high and you have to think about the baby."

"Christian, Taylor?" I whisper. Gail says nothing she looks to the ground and I can see tears fall from her eyes. OMG they're dead. My love is dead. I can't live without him. God why do you hate me? Why? Why would you let me find him just to take him away from me?

"Ana, I am going to get Dr. Grey. Please try and stay calm."

As Gail leaves the room I get out of my bed and go into my closet where I keep my lockbox. I pull out my revolver. Ray taught me how to shoot. I walk out on to the balcony. I have nothing to live for. I lost the love of my life. As I place the gun to my head I use my other hand to rub my belly. I'm sorry blip, I can't go on without him. I need him. We will all be together soon. You, me and your daddy. And then I feel Teddy kick. What am I doing? I slide down and sit on the floor rock my body back and forth. I am so confused. How can I do this to Teddy? But how can I live without Christian? I am not cut out to raise Teddy on my own. And then everything happens in slow motion. The balcony doors open and I think I hear Christian call out my name.

"Ana baby, everything will be ok. I am not hurt baby. Please baby just give me the gun. I promise you that everything will be fine. I am here and I am alive. Come on Ana, look at me." I am clutching the gun with one hand and I am afraid to open my eyes for fear that I am dreaming. As I look up I see Christian. My Christian. He looks tired and dirty, but he's my Christian, my love, my life and he's alive.

"Ana, please give me the gun." I look down to my hands and I pass him the gun. He pulls me into his lap and holds me tight. "I am sorry I scared you baby. Taylor and I are both fine. Just tired and hungry baby that's it. Not even a scratch on either of us."

I place my head in his chest and start to wail. He just holds me tighter.

"Baby look at me, you need to calm down. You don't want to get sick and this is not good for our Teddy." Our baby boy that five minutes ago I was going to end his life. How can he even look at me right now?


	28. THE PLAN

_**THIS WAS A LOT HARDER TO WRITE WITH FLYNN. I AM IN NO WAY EVEN CLOSE TO BEING A THERAPIST. I PROBABLY NEED ONE ;) ANYWAYS, THANKS AGAIN FOR ALL THE NEW FOLLOWERS AND THE REVIEWS ETC.**_

THE PLAN

CPOV

Ana has fallen asleep in my arms. I don't ever want to see that look of desperation on her face again. I was scared shitless when I saw the gun in her hand. I place her gently on the bed and ask Mia to sit with her in case she wakes up. I walk into the great room and Elliot has already poured me a glass of whiskey. I down the glass in one gulp and he refills my glass. Kate has been crying, never thought I would see the day the ice queen cry. She's the first to speak.

"Ana needs help. You can't help her, she needs to go somewhere where she will be safe from herself." And she starts to cry again. I refrain from ripping her head off because Kate is truly upset and really only wants what's best for Ana. And then Flynn speaks

"Christian, Ana needs to be taken to the hospital where they will put her on a 72 hour hold. She will be evaluated and then released if she doesn't pose a danger to herself or the child."

"No, Ana is not leaving her home. I will hire round the clock nurses, doctors, fuck Flynn I will even pay you a fortune to move in here and take care of Ana, but I am not putting her in a room and being banned from seeing her. That's not what she needs right now. She needs to know that she's loved and that I will not ever abandon her."

"Christian she had a gun to her head." Kate screams and I close my eyes to rid myself of the image of my Ana standing on that balcony with that gun.

"Look I know you are all scared, hell I am scared as well. But I think that it will be more harmful to Ana if we put her in a facility. I need for her to stay calm. Her emotions are all over the place because of the pregnancy." After downing my second glass of whiskey I decide I should start drinking water, the last thing Ana needs is for me to be drunk. I summon Taylor, Gail and Sawyer to the great room. All the people that Ana loves and trusts are in this room.

"Ana is going to need all of us for the next little while. Taylor, I need you to hire additional security as I want someone to be watching her 24/7. I am going to work from home as much as I can. My first priority is getting Ana healthy." As everyone prepares to leave I look over to my mother and she looks like crap. I walk over to her and pull her into a hug. I didn't stop to consider how my missing would of affected her. She was the first Angel that walked into my life. She's crying into my chest and I am rubbing circles on her back.

"Grey eyes I thought I would never see you again." I remember the first time in the hospital that she called me that and tears threaten to escape from my eyes. I hug my mother tighter.

"You haven't called me that since I was a little boy. I am not sure that I can ever thank you enough for being there that day. " She pulls away from me and places her hands on my face.

"Son, you never have to thank me. Just knowing you and loving you has changed my life. I knew the moment I saw you that you were meant to be my son."

"I love you mother."

I walk into the bedroom and Ana is still asleep. I sit in the chair and stare at my girl. She has both hands on her belly. I pull out my phone and take a picture of her. She stirs and calls out my name.

"I am right here baby." She opens her eyes and looks at me and then looks away. She is crying again. No doubt her guilt regarding tonight's events are causing havoc on her piece of mind. I need her to stay calm. For both her and Teddy.

"Baby, come, let's take a bath." She shakes her head no.

"Shower, I want you to shower with me." I carry her into the bathroom and put her down in front of the shower. We both strip off our clothes and enter the shower. Ana still can't look me in the eyes. She buries her face in my chest and has her arms wrapped around my waist. She is running the tips of her fingers up and down my whole body. She's clinging to me for dear life.

"I am sorry I scared you baby." Her body shakes as she cries even more.

"Please don't hate me." I pull her chin up for her to look at me but she closes her eyes.

"Ana look at me." She opens her eyes.

"I could never hate you. Do you understand me."

"What I almost did, when I asked Gail she started crying, I thought." And she buries her face in my chest again and starts crying.

"sshh, It's ok baby, I know what you thought. I am here, I am not going anywhere for a very long time. I love you so much."

"Are you going to have me committed?" I can hear the fear in her voice.

"Never baby. You are going to stay right here. I am going to get you the best care. But you need to start healing. Not just going through the motions of seeing Flynn." I cup her face with my hands and there are tears in my eyes.

"I was so scared when I saw you on that balcony. I don't ever, I can't ever feel that way again. You need to promise me, promise me to share everything you are feeling, good and bad. Share it with me or Flynn or mother or even Kate. Promise me Ana, I need to hear it."

"What if I am crazy? Have you ever thought of that? I am scared Christian, so scared. I want to be better. I need to be better. Teddy will be here in three months he doesn't deserve to have a crazy mother. You don't deserve a crazy wife."

"You are never to refer to yourself like that again. Do you understand me? You are not crazy Ana. You're sad and confused and you have had a lot of crap to deal with. And we are going to help you. All of us are going to help you get better. " I kiss her on the forehead and she seems to have calmed down a bit.

APOV

It's been a week since the Charlie Tango incident and I am under house arrest. I have people watching me all day. I have been having all day therapy sessions with Flynn that leave me too exhausted to even spend any time with Christian. And I think he prefers it that way. Today Christian is joining in on the therapy session. I am anxious and I don't know how this is going to go. I need some answers. We walk into Christian's office and Flynn is already there.

I sit on the couch and Christian takes the seat next to me.

"So, Ana these past few days I feel like you have been holding back. I agreed to not having you placed in a facility as long as you were co-operating in therapy. I don't feel like you are being fully honest with me." I look down to the ground and I feel lost. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and feel my life flash before me. I am scared of the answer but I need to know, I can't continue to live like this, with so much fear.

"What's the point in all of this? Christian hates me and I don't even blame him. I hate myself."

"Ana, what are you talking about? I don't hate you, I love you."

"Christian, you haven't touched me in a week. You haven't kissed me, like really kiss me. It's pretty obvious to me that you don't want me anymore." Christian is about to respond but Flynn stops him.

"Ana, imagine your life without Christian in it?"

I close my eyes and shake my head, "I can't."

"Just try. What would life be like without Christian in it?"

"Sad, lonely, scared." I grip onto Christian's hand.

"And how are you feeling now?"

"The same."

"Ana I want you to understand everything that happen to you as a child is not your fault. You had no control over it. It was nothing that you did or said that made them abuse you. You know about Christian's childhood, did he do anything to deserve the abuse he suffered as a child from his mother's pimp and then as a teenager from Elena Lincoln?"

"Of course not, he was an innocent child."

"You were just an innocent child as well. Why can you have compassion for Christian and not for yourself?"

"I don't know?" Cause I really don't know.

"Christian, why are with Ana." I look at him and he smiles at me. His little boy smile. I then turn away and look at our hands that are laced together. He pulls my chin up so that I can look at him.

"Ana, you are intelligent, beautiful, compassionate, loving, kind, generous, funny. You make me want more in my life, a life with you, my family and now our family including this baby. You're my best friend, you have no judgment when it comes to me and my feelings no matter how crazy they are. You put up with my crazy ideas, you ask me everyday how my day at work was, you listen to my boring business meetings with interest. And never once, have I ever doubted how much you love me. And I hope that you never doubt how much I love you baby. I would do anything for you. You must know that. I was scared to touch you. When I saw you on that balcony I felt responsible. You were there because I was missing. And I hated myself for causing you so much pain. I felt like me, my life had broken you. I didn't know how to deal with it." I straddle him not caring that Flynn is in the room and kiss a tear that has fallen from his face. I look deep into his eyes.

"You have never hurt me. Do you even know how wonderful you are? You have been the light in my life since we met. Even when I couldn't see you were like a beacon. Just touching you always calms me. And you have been so patient with me with everything. You are the first man I have ever loved and will be the last. I promise you I will get better. I want to get better. I want to be everything you deserve and more." He places his lips on mine and kisses me. I pull away muttering something about Flynn being in the room.

"So I have an activity for the both of you. For the whole week every day you will come up with something that you love about each other. And for the whole day you will reinforce it with each other. For example Ana if Christian says he loves that you can make him laugh. Every opportunity you have you need to make him laugh." We both nod that we understand. We walk Flynn to the exit and Christian picks me up and kisses me.

"Come on, let's go get dressed, we are going to go out tonight."

"I would rather you undress me and take me to bed." I wink at him

"Later, I promise, but you and Teddy need to eat."

"I love you Anastasia Rose Grey."

"I know you do. You show me every second of every day. And I love you with every fiber of my being. Thank you for sticking by me."

"There is no place I would rather be."


	29. BONDING

BONDING

CPOV

The last eight weeks have been great. Ana has been doing remarkably well. She even started going back to the office at Grey Publishing a few weeks ago. Flynn thought it would be good for her to resume normal daily activities. Today at 38 weeks pregnant Ana will be officially going on maternity leave. The staff at GEH are having a baby shower for her. Although I am uncomfortable with Ana forming friendships, she is the boss, I take great pride that people genuinely care for her and want to do this for her. I remember when Hannah came to my office to tell me about their plan. I insisted on no gifts, we surely don't need them, and she had already told me that they had collected a sizeable fund. I suggested they donate it to a charity either Coping Together or Seattle Hospital on behalf of Ana. Hannah was thrilled with the idea. I think my wife has an inkling that there will be a party for her today. I find her in her walk-in closet sitting on the floor with dozens of outfits off their hangers.

I kneel down beside her. "Hey baby, we need to get going, how come you are not dressed?"

"Nothing fits me anymore. I am huge. Look at my ankles, they're like elephant ankles." And then I make the worst mistake of my life. I laughed. She punched me in the arm, hard. Tears threaten to fall from her eyes.

"Oww baby. I am sorry. I swear you have the most beautiful ankles ever. Do you want me to pick you something to wear?" She nods her head yes.

I grab a beautiful blue dress, the color of her eyes. "Here baby, put this on this will look great on you."

Thirty minutes later we are walking hand in hand into Grey House. I drop her off on her floor and give her a big kiss in front of everyone. I think Ana is even stunned at the PDA.

"Mr. Grey, I don't think the stuffy CEO would appreciate the staff sucking face in the office."

"On the contrary Mrs. Grey, I am sure the CEO would love to be sucking face with you every minute of every day." She giggles and pushes me toward the elevator.

"Go to work bossman. I will let you know when I am done for the day. I love you."

"I love you to babe."

I walk into my office and try to get started on my day. I want to get as much done before Teddy arrives so I can spend as much time with them once he is born. I look to the sonogram picture on my desk and smile. Two more weeks and I will be father. I can hardly believe it. I am reminded about the last time I spoke with Elliot. We had lunch the other day to go over some designs for the new house.

"I can't wait to meet my nephew Christian. I am so excited and Kate and I are honoured that you and Ana asked us to be his Godparents. Thank you for that you don't know how much it means to the both of us."

"There is no-one else we would of thought of Elliot." I take a deep breath and decide to talk to him.

"Elliot I am scared. I am excited but I am scared shitless. I have trying to put on a brave front for Ana's sake but I think I might actually be more terrified than her at this point."

"Bro, I think it's natural to be scared. But look at you. You are a master at anything you put your hands on. You are a brilliant man. There is nothing that you can't do once you put your mind to it. You don't even realize the odds you defied by becoming the youngest billionaire in the country. Most of the time I am in awe of you not because of the money, but when you walk into a room full of people you take control of that room. Someone once said to me if I resented being The Christian Grey's older, less successful brother. You know what I said? FUCK NO, Christian is the best person I know. And no-one, I mean no-one deserves the best life has to offer than you little bro. I am so proud of you. And so honoured to be The Christian Grey's brother. I have even gotten laid because I am related to you." I let out a hearty laugh. My clown of a brother, he's the polar opposite of me.

"Funny, I have always wanted to be you Elliot." He chokes on his beer. I chuckle and take a bite out of my burger.

"No I am not kidding. You were so carefree when we were younger. You were always happy. You were always having fun. You were surrounded by so many people who wanted to be your friend. I had people who befriended me to get close to you. You never gave our parent's any grief. I wanted what you had. I wanted to be happy. And now that I am happy I am scared of losing that happiness. So many people out there want to take it away from me. We get so many threats a day in the end I wonder if it's all worth it."

"Christian, you can have it all, the wife, the children, the family, GEH. The sky's the limit buddy. With you everything is possible. But you need to go with your heart. But don't do anything out of fear. If you do that one day you will regret it."

"Explain to me why I pay Flynn a shitload of money, I should just be talking to you. This lunch is cheap compared to his fees."

"Speaking of Flynn how is it going with Ana? Kate seems to think that she is getting better. Ana has been talking to her about some of the issues she has in therapy. Kate hasn't said what they talked about but she seems to think Ana is going in the right direction as she is opening up to her more than ever."

"Flynn is encouraging her to talk to the people that love her. It's part of her therapy. She's definitely in a better head space than she was weeks ago. She's more excited about the baby than ever before. We even visited her mother's grave a few weeks ago. She wanted to say some things to her. It seems to have helped with her healing."

"I am glad everything is coming together for you two. Now hurry up and get that kid out, I heard if you have sex it can start contractions. Hey bro is it true, are women hornier when they are pregnant. I mean I can't imagine Kate wanting more sex."

I throw money on the table and let Elliot know that our pow wow is now over.

Andrea pulls me out of my thoughts. Yes Andrea finally came back to work for me.

"Mr. Grey, it's time for you to go to the party." She smiles a sad smile.

I walk to the elevator and turn to look at Andrea.

"Ms. Parker, are you coming?"

"Mr. Grey I can't I need to answer the phones, Olivia called in sick today."

"Nonsense, forward the phones to reception. Everything will be fine for a couple of hours. And Ana would kill me if you weren't there." Her smile can bright up a room. Ana calls Andrea my work wife. My Goddess is jealous but Andrea has never given her any reason to be and they have become the best of friends. Plus Ana will rely on Andrea's experience with a new baby.

I stop off on Ana's floor as Andrea head's down to the cafeteria. I exit he elevator and go to knock on Ana's door.

"Come in." My Goddess is so beautiful.

"Mr. Grey, I hope you are here for a quickie." Oh no, I am going to have to turn her down as there are hundreds of people in the cafeteria waiting for our arrival.

APOV

"Actually babe, I came to take you to lunch."

"You can start with dessert. Lock the door babe." I wink at him and start to pull up my dress. I think I see Christian close his eyes.

"Ana we can't, not here. Later babe."

"I get it, it's because I am FAT. You don't want to fuck me because I am fat."

"What, no, no babe, I love that there is more of you."

"Christian I need you please."

"Ana we have five minutes, you cum and then we got to go. Understand?" I giggle at how bad that actually sounds. But I don't care. I just want to feel him inside of me. He walks over to my chair pulls down his pants and sits down.

"Come here baby you on top. This way it will be more comfortable for you." I walk toward my thoughtful fifty and climb on his lap. I start to ride him nice and slow.

"Babe we have to go, pick up the speed, I told you five minutes."

"Christian stop rushing me, you are going to prolong my orgasm." I love to see my fifty sweat. I know he's here to take me to my baby shower. I inadvertently saw an email about it. I decide to put him out his misery and cum in record time.

"Thanks baby I need that so much." Christian cleans himself up and comes over to clean me up. He then picks me up and carries me to the elevator.

"No more distractions babe."

As we walk into the cafeteria everyone yells surprise. I put on my poker face and act all surprised.

Christian whispers in my ear with a smirk on his face. "You knew about this didn't you?" My fifty knows me so well. I smile at him and go to mingle with the staff.

Hannah silences everyone in the room and beings to speak.

"Ana, Mr. Grey, we are all so excited to be here today to celebrate this momentous event in your lives. Thank you Mr. Grey for helping us pull this off and keeping it a secret from Ana. Ana, from the moment we met I thought of you as friend. I have to admit a lot of us were intimidated when we heard Mrs. Grey was coming to work here but you quickly became Ana to everyone and you were instantly accepted. We have collected for a baby gift and we decided to donate it to Seattle Hospital in your honour."

Hannah has tears in her eyes she comes up to me and gives me a hug. I am crying, these people feel like my family. They have showed me more love than my biological family ever did. Go figure people who don't have any obligation to care for me, do. I hear the chants of speech so I ask Christian to speak on my behalf.

"First off, I would like to give thanks to Ms. Hannah Davis and Ms. Andrea Parker for organizing this. Ana and I are truly touched with the generous donation to Seattle Hospital that has been there for both of us in the past. I always thought GEH was the best thing in my life, but that little woman over there changed all that. She is definitely the best thing in my life. I love you baby. Everyone have fun, you officially have the rest of the day off." There are cheers from everyone. He walks over to me and shakes a few hands along the way. He comes over and plants a big kiss on me.


	30. Not An Update

Hello all. I wanted to say that I had every intention of adding a chapter today however my mother had surgery and after 12 hours and a very successful outcome I am physically and mentally exhausted

I have over 200 story alerts on fanfic. I am really finding it upsetting with the amount of bashing that goes on usually by guest reviewers who don't like the direction of the story or the character development.

I use fanfic reading and writing to escape the crap of everyday life. I have to say thank you to all the positive feedback through reviews and private messages. I have been one of the lucky ones who doesn't get annihilated by reviewers. And there are thousands of stories

that are So much better than mine. Iwant to put out a thank you to all of you who write

stories to my liking and to my disliking. It takes a lot of courage. Please don't get discouraged by the reviews. 99% of your followers appreciate it.

Will update tomorrow. Good Night. Xoxo


	31. D-DAY

**Sorry for the delay in this chapter. It has been a mentally draining week. Thanks for all the well wishes.**

 **I hope to be on track with regular updates.**

D-DAY

APOV  
Today is my official due date. For the last three days I have not been able to sleep. When I close my eyes for even a moment I have horrible nightmares. The nightmares are not like any I have had before. They are of Teddy's birth. And something always goes horribly wrong. Christian has set up 24 hour watch so that I am never alone. He has hardly slept so tonight Grace forced him to go and get some sleep.  
"Son, you will be of no use to Ana and your new baby boy if you are exhausted. Please go sleep and I will stay with Ana."  
Christian nods in agreement and comes over to me and places a gentle kiss on my lips.  
"I will just be in the room next door baby. Please try and get some sleep." He places his mouth to my belly and says "baby boy be good for your mommy. We are so excited to meet you baby grey." He kisses my belly a dozen times. As I giggle he kisses me on my forehead and says "I love you baby more than you will ever know. Thank you for this wonderful life. Thank you for our baby. Thank you for loving me."  
"Your welcome Mr. Grey but you must know I didn't have a choice. You were simply to charming for me to resist." I bite my lip and I hear Christian growl.  
"Enough you two, Christian guest room, Ana go to sleep." We both mumble yes ma'am.

I am awoken from screams coming from Christian's room. Grace must of went to try and calm him down but it doesn't seem to be working. It is having the opposite effect on him. I jump out of bed and run to pull Christian out of his hell. Grace is beside herself crying as he's thrashing in his bed and banging his head against the headboard.  
"Ana, stay back he might hurt you."  
I know in this moment Grace is scared and she means well but I can't stand here and watch my love hurt himself. I call out his name and start running my hands up his leg. I crawl into bed beside him and put my hands on his and squeeze his hands while calling his name.  
"Christian you're having a nightmare. Baby wake up. It's me your Goddess. Please come back to me baby." His body freezes. His eyes shoot open. My fifty looks lost and terrified. I lie more on my side and take his hands and place them on my bump. He slowly starts rubbing my belly in small circular motions.  
"Ana, baby. I am sorry did I wake you?" I shake my head and bring my lips to his. He is completely soaked from his nightmare. How anyone could of ever done that to a child, I know that both Christian and I will never let anything bad happen to Teddy. I get off the bed and put my hand out so Christian knows to follow me. Him sleeping in another room just doesn't work for either of us.

Grace looks like she went to hell and back. Seeing her son like that was probably really painful for her. It must of brought back so many horrid memories of when she first met him. I know throughout the years they had to endure his many screams at night.

"Grace, Christian needs a shower. And then after the shower he's going to lie down with me. You should go get some sleep." She nods, she seems like she's in a catatonic state.

"Mom, sorry I scared you, I am fine, it's been a long time since I have had a nightmare."

He goes to hug Grace and she starts to cry. He kisses her forehead and heads to the shower.

"Ana, you don't know how grateful I am that you are in Christian's life. So many nights we saw him suffer and nothing we did would ever bring him out of that hell. I don't know how but thank you darling girl, thank you for taking care of my baby boy." She hugs me and starts sobbing.

Christian slides into bed with me and is rubbing my back. I lean into his touch.

"Christian, are you ok? You were banging your head pretty hard."

"I'm fine Ana, I am sorry I scared you. You know you shouldn't try and wake me when I am like that. What if I hurt you and Teddy." Christian places his head on my back.

"Christian you would never hurt me or Teddy. So today is the day."

"I hope so baby. Are you scared?"

"Scared, excited, anxious, I have so many emotions going on. I love him already Christian. I was scared that I couldn't love him, but I am not scared of that anymore. I have visions of him looking like you."

CPOV

I notice Ana's arms have marks on them. Little small like bruises. Some are faded, some are fresh.

"Baby, what are these marks on your arms? Did I hurt you?" My heart is pounding; the thought of me hurting Ana is too much for me to take. And then I hear her giggle. She's battered and she's giggling?

"Christian, you didn't do this, I did. When I think about my life I pinch myself to make sure that I am not dreaming." Is she crazy?

"Babe, please stop doing that. I promise your life is real and it's not going anywhere. Please pinch me the next time you want to know if you are dreaming." She lets out a hearty laugh and tells me she will hold me to that.

We talk for hours, she tells me how Kate is insisting on being in the delivery room with her. I tell her about all the research I have been doing in regards to the benefits of private school versus homeschooling.

"Christian, I want Teddy to have a normal childhood. I know it's hard with security and reporters and what you do for a living but I still don't want him missing out things because of this life we live. I want him to have friends and sleepovers. I want him to have to do chores. I guess we never discussed how we wanted to parent Teddy. I know he's going to be spoiled, just look around us but I want him to be grateful for everything and not take any of it for granted."

"Ana, Teddy is going to be different and there is nothing we can do to change that. His trust fund is already worth more than some people will make in ten lifetimes." I see Ana's eyes bulge out of her head. I have to stop myself from laughing; I really don't think Ana fully comprehends the meaning of billionaire.

"And Teddy isn't going to be spoiled, but he is going to be privileged. We can't change that. Unless you want to give this all up and move to a forest and live in a tent, Teddy is not going to want for anything in life." And then I feel a wetness in the bed.

"Ana baby, I think you peed yourself." She smacks my arm so hard. "Don't worry babe, I won't tell anyone."

"Christian, my water broke, Teddy is ready." What? Is she kidding? Now as in right now? I jump out of bed and run to grab Ana's overnight bag. I text Taylor and Sawyer "Showtime", that was our code word for Ana is in labour. I swear they just like to make up code words for the hell of it. As I am rushing out of the room I hear my angel's voice.

"Christian, aren't you forgetting me." And she's laughing at me. "Sorry babe, I just got so excited. Come, I will help you change." I clean her up and put a nice beautiful maxi dress on her. She's so stunning. My cock is twitching. Down boy, six weeks, we have to wait six weeks. It's going to be a long six weeks.

"This is it babe." I hold her hand and she gives me a big smile as we walk out of our bedroom.

"Christian, you might want to put pants on." And my Goddess is laughing at me again.

GPOV

We are on our way to the hospital. I can't believe today I am going to be a grandmother. Ana and Christian are smiling but I can see the fear on both their faces. Christian hides it better than Ana. I know that they will make great parents. They are so kind and loving. I know that they will never do anything to harm this baby. Yes they both had questionable childhoods, but I truly believe that both Christian and Ana's mothers loved them, in the only way they knew how to love. Christian is starting to panic. He's moving his leg up and down, Ana places her hand on his knee and he stops. I still cannot believe the effect they have on each other. A simple touch can relieve so much anxiety.

We have been here for hours. Ana is exhausted and Christian is beside himself with worry. He has already yelled at most of the staff and even some patients thinking they were staff. I have apologized to a lot of people for his behavior.

"Christian Grey you will behave yourself and stop treating these people like your staff. They are here to help with the birth of your child."

"Mom, it's been hours, Ana is tired and she's scared. I just want this to be over with. Please do something mother." I walk away to consult with Dr. Greene. She decides on doing another scan of the baby. As she looks at the screen I see concern on her face and she finally speaks.

"Mrs. Grey, we are going to have to do a c-section, now. You have a prolapsed umbilical cord and it is cutting off the oxygen supply to the baby. We need to get him out, NOW. Mr. Grey, please go with the nurse and put on scrubs, I am assuming you will be accompanying Mrs. Grey." Christian nods his head frantically. He runs out of the room to change. Ana is crying she looks so scared.

"Christian, Christian, Grace, where is Christian. I can't do this without him. Please Grace, find Christian."

"Ana, he will be here soon, he went to change. Everything will be fine. I promise darling girl."

Christian is back in no time, holding Ana's hand and kissing her forehead. They head off to the operating room. I go to the observation deck to watch my first grandchild enter this world. I send a little prayer up above that nothing will go wrong.

APOV

Something is wrong with Teddy. All my nightmares are coming true. Christian is trying to be so brave but he's scared. My fifty is scared and if he's scared then there is something to fear. When Dr. Greene said the baby was in distress I didn't hear anything else. The next thing I knew is they were rushing me down to another room. Christian was holding my hand.

"Christian what's wrong with Teddy?"

"Baby please don't cry everything is going to be fine. You're tired and Dr. Greene thinks it's best for both you and Teddy to do the c-section. I promise I won't leave you. You're so brave baby, do you know how much I love you? Look at me Ana, just keep looking at me and breathe." He's rubbing his fingers along my knuckles. I keep my eyes focused on Christian and I can feel a pulling sensation. Christian looks to the right and his smile can light up the room. He has tears in his eyes. I hear a baby crying. Christian bends down and kisses me on the lips and whispers.

"He's beautiful Ana." And that's the last thing I remember before I fall asleep.

TPOV

So this is it. Bossman is now a father. Fuck my life. If you thought he went ape shit with protection for Mrs. Grey, he's pulling out all the stops for Baby Grey. We have already received threats and the kid is not even an hour old.

"Luke, I want you to stay on as CPO for Ana, but I also want to add two more CPO's for Baby Grey. I have shortlisted a few candidates but I want you to help me decide who will be best suited."

"T, I think I would want to stick with Ryan and Reynolds. They already know protocol. We work well together. Ana trusts them. And you know what a pain in the ass she can be when it comes to security. So I think it's best we stick to people she's familiar with, people she considers her friends." Luke has a point, Ana can be a handful at times. I always tell Gail, Grey is going to have a stroke before thirty because Ana is so damn stubborn. Luke and I had a conversation with her a few days ago, I needed for her and I to come to a mutual understanding.

"Mrs. Grey may we speak with you?"

"Nope, no you can't Jason. Mrs. Grey is Grace, I am Ana, you want to speak to me call me Ana." I swear the woman is so damn infuriating. Luke rolls his eyes and I know he wants to spank the shit out of her.

"Ana, Luke and I, well we need your help." She narrows her eyes at the both of us. She motions for me to continue and she tries to shove more food in her mouth than it can take. Luke looks like he's going to gag. I think I just realized she's eating a peanut butter sandwich with a pickle in it and washing it down with chocolate ice cream.

"We are going to need two more cpo's once Master Grey arrives. And we need you to co-operate with those cpo's. So that means if you go for a walk on the property you are to let Luke know as well as whoever we assign to the baby."

"Jason don't you think you're over-reacting? The property is gated. We have security posted everywhere. I am pretty sure I can go for a walk with the baby without an army full men following us."

"God damn it Ana, no, no you can't. Do you know how many threats come in on a daily basis? Do you know how many people it takes to make sure that nothing happens to you? What do you think is Christian's biggest expense? The cars, the helicopter, the jet, no Ana, it's security. You need to start realizing that being Mrs. Grey with all the privileges is also a hardship because so many people want what you have. And some would do anything to get it." And I think I have gone overboard because she's crying. Grey is definitely going to fire my ass for this. Sometimes I think I don't get paid enough. I go and grab the box of tissues and bring them over to Ana.

"I didn't mean to upset you little lady. We need you to start taking security seriously. I don't want you to worry about anything that's our job, but you can make that job easier by following procedures." Ana shakes her head and promises she will do whatever Luke and I want her to do. She then hugs me and starts crying again. This is a little awkward, I hope Grey doesn't walk in or I have a lot of explaining as to why I made Ana cry.


	32. NEW CHALLENGES

NEW CHALLENGES

APOV

It's been two months since Teddy's birth and things have been great. We even moved into the new house a couple of weeks ago. This last week Christian has been different. He hardly comes to bed and I find him holed up in his office with either Sawyer, Taylor or a bottle of scotch. He really hasn't even seen Teddy in the last week because he's off to work before he wakes and comes home after I put him down. I decide tonight is the night Christian is going to tell me what's bothering him because I don't think it's work related.

I walk into his office with his uneaten dinner in my hand.

"You didn't eat anything? I made this for you."

"Ana I am too busy to eat. So much is going on right now and I missed so much time I feel like I am drowning in work." He speaks to me as he is looking at his laptop.

I walk over to him place the plate down on his desk and take a seat in the chair in front of his desk.

"Christian, what's going on? Something has happen in the last week that has changed you and I don't think it's work related. You promised to always tell me the truth and right now although you may not be lying to me you are definitely hiding something from me and I don't like it. Does it have something to do with Jacob?" Christian sighs and closes his eyes.

CPOV

"Do you know how it displeases me when you doubt me? I have told you that it's work related. I am a bit overloaded between GEH, you, Teddy." Ana stands up in a hurry and picks up the plate of food and stomps toward the door.

"I am sorry we are so much trouble Mr. Grey. When you want to have an honest conversation you come find me." God I am such a shit. She is probably crying right now and I can't go to her or else I will probably break down and tell her everything. I can't fucking believe this is even happening. For as much security I have there are certain things that are out of my control. Courtney James, my PA for all of about two months is filing suit for sexual harassment. She's claiming that I forced her to have sex while she was employee, I fathered a child with her and that I asked her to abort it, when she refused I fired her and ended up having a miscarriage because of the stress I put her under. My life has become a soap opera. I met with her last night at GEH to see what it was she was after. That type of allegation can have detrimental consequences on my business dealings. And Ana, she's been doing so well with her self-esteem issues and I don't want to see her even doubt me for a second and in turn blame herself. Her request is simple, a million dollars for her to go away. My lawyers are suggesting that I pay her off. But something inside of me is telling me to fight it. Fighting it would mean for it be put out there for everyone to see including Ana and I am not sure that I want that. I sit in my office nursing a bottle of scotch. I wonder if life will ever be normal for us. Why are people always trying to ruin our happiness? Up until last week everything was dream like. Ana has taken over the role of Mommy like I knew she would. Even I have to admit that I am doing a great job with night feedings and changing diapers. I am not as focused on GEH as I use to be and always look forward to coming home to my family. And now this bitch is threatening to harm my family. I decide to clear my head and go for a run. I don't think I will be able to sleep again until I get this all sorted out. Taylor and I are now running around the sound.

"Taylor, what would you do if you were me regarding Ms. James?"

"Sir, I would fight it. You have enough money and resources to squash her the like bug she is. I think she will not go away even if you pay her off. Not to mention you are opening yourself up for alot more of these types of allegations."

"What about Ana? What if she believes it?"

"Do you trust what you two have to be special? Cause if you do then this will not break you. It will only make you stronger."

We continue running in silence as I contemplate what Taylor has said. What's more important to me, my reputation or my family? I think that anyone who knows me knows the answer to that question is simple. Ana and Teddy are my life. I know what I need to do.

APOV

I wake up alone again to Teddy's cries. I don't even think Christian came to bed last night. I don't have the energy to even try and get him to open up to me. I tried yesterday and he dismissed me. I am not his employee, I am his wife. He didn't even come looking for me last night. I heard him leave the house and I am not even sure where he went as I fell asleep and he still was not back. Kate messaged me last night asking if I would have lunch with her today. I asked Gail if she would watch Teddy for a while and she was thrilled with the idea.

It's noon and I am seated at the Mile High Club. We decided on having lunch here because security is to Christian's approval and it's very close to Kate's work.

"Steele, what's going on, you didn't bring Teddy with you. I wanted to see my Godson." As Kate goes on and on she finally takes a breath and says you've been crying.

"Ana, I'm sorry you must be going through hell with all this shit that is going on with Christian's ex PA." I nod and look down at the table. Kate knows something and I am going to get it out of her.

"How is Christian doing with all of this?"

"Not so good."

"I can imagine, God if someone accused Elliot of getting them pregnant I don't think I would be able to be as calm as you." The sheer look of horror on my face confirms to Kate that I have no knowledge of what she is talking about.

"Oh shit, I am sorry Ana, you had no idea did you?" I try not to cry but am losing the battle.

Kate takes me to the bathroom and locks the door.

"A couple of weeks ago the Seattle Times received a letter from a woman claiming that she worked for Christian as a PA, he forced her to have sex with him, she got pregnant, he fired her and she had a miscarriage. Elliot told me last night Christian met up with her and she wants a million dollars for her to walk away and remain silent."

My head is spinning. Why wouldn't Christian tell me any of this? Could this be true? He met up with her?

"Ana, you can't possibly believe this. You know Christian loves you and Teddy more than life itself. He would never do anything to jeopardize that."

"I don't know Kate, I was given clearance to have sex two weeks ago and he hasn't touched me once. I know my body has changed since having Teddy but we use to go at it four to five times a day and now he's gone without it for over two months. What if he isn't attracted to me anymore? He's been so cold and distant almost like he is guilty of something."

"My guess is that he feels guilty for hiding this from you. Ana go talk to him now and please do not think the worse. Elliot says he point blank asked Christian if there was any truth to it and Christian said no, he has only ever been with you." I give Kate a hug and tell Sawyer to take me to Grey House. I need to get sorted out. As we pull up to GH I tell Sawyer to stop. I see Christian leaving the building with Courtney James. I decide to phone Christian and see what he is going to do. As the phone rings he looks at his phone and ignores my call. My heart is in my stomach.

"Sawyer, take me to Teddy."


	33. TRUTHS

APOV  
Something isn't right. I need to know what's going on. "Luke, change of plans I want you to follow Taylor"  
"Ana, you know I can't do that."  
"Do you know what's going on with that James woman"  
"No, I don't but I will call T and tell them that we are here."  
"Luke please, if you consider me your friend, please just follow them."  
"I'm going to get fired for this."  
"Well don't worry Luke cause from what it looks like you won't need to protect me any longer." I put my head between my legs and cry. This can't be happening. I don't want to believe it but why would he hide this from me. We drive for about twenty minutes and we see Christians SUV slow down. Luke pulls over so we can keep our distance. They're in front of the Seattle Police Station. Christian exits the car and then I see the tramp follow.  
"Luke is that Carrick."  
"Looks like it Ana." What on earth is going on. I have to admit seeing Carrick there I am even more scared of what this all means. I see Taylor approach Christian. He whispers something in his ear. They both turn and are looking in our direction.  
"Luke, looks like we've been busted."  
"It was nice working for you Ana." I am thinking we should leave but I can't. I need to know what's going on. And if it's bad then I have to face it.  
Christian talks to Carrick shakes his hand and then talks to Taylor. He walks away from them and is walking toward our SUV.  
Luke unlocks the door and Christian enters the vehicle. He is angry but who the hell cares so am I. He tries to take my hand but I pull away from him and move as far away as I can. I am furious. Everyone knows about what's going on but me.  
CPOV  
"Sawyer take us home please."  
The ride to our home is silent. It's almost eerie like. I am so angry but not at Ana. I am more pissed off about James and her trying to blackmail me by hurting my family. I think back about my life B.A, before Ana. I didn't have a weakness. Now with her and Teddy people are trying to attack me through them. I will make sure that they are always protected. Before I know it we have pulled into the driveway and Ana has jumped out the car. I don't even think Sawyer stopped the car. I let Ana leave cause I know this is going to be a long night.  
"Sawyer, you want to let me know how you and Ana ended up at the police station"  
Sawyer lets me know what happen with Kate telling Ana about Courtney James and them driving up to Grey House and then Ana calling me and me ignoring her call. I close my eyes because of the pain Ana must of felt went I didn't answer. Everything I tried to avoid by keeping Ana in the dark has backfired. I head into the house looking for my Goddess. I need to make things right. I go to our bedroom and she's not there. Next I check Teddy's room and there is my little man sleeping. I go an kiss him on his forehead and continue looking for Ana. I find her sitting on the balcony off one of the guest rooms. I take a deep breath and walk outside to join her.  
APOV  
I feel him before I even hear him coming on the balcony. It's always like that when Christian is in close proximity. I've tried explaining it to Kate but she just thinks I am crazy. He seems less angry then in the car.  
"Ana I am sorry I" I cut him off before he has a chance to finish.  
"That's a problem in itself Christian. You are always sorry. You think being or saying sorry takes away all the pain you cause. I asked you. No, I begged you to tell me what was going on. Do you know what it felt like to be blindsided by Kate today? Do you know what it felt like to drive up to my husbands building to see him leaving with a woman who rumour has you are sleeping with? Do you know what it get like as I watched you pick up your phone check the caller id, see it was me and ignore my call?" I am so hurt I can barely breath. He sighs and starts to speak.  
"Last week a friend at the Seattle Times contacted me about a woman claiming that she was sexually harassed at the workplace. She was accusing me of forcing her to have sex with her. She said she got pregnant, I told her to have an abortion, she refused and I fired her. She said she had medical proof that she miscarried due to the stress I was causing in her life. Yesterday Taylor, my lawyers and myself had a meeting with Ms. James at Grey House in a conference room. She told me for a million dollars she would go away. My lawyers wanted me to take the deal. They were trying to convince me that it was no big deal that probably we would have someone at some point make similar claims all part of being Christian Grey. God Ana I felt so out of control. I didn't care what the business world would think if this got out all I was concerned with was what you would think. My first thought was to pay her off and be rid of her. But then last night when you came to my office and I basically got rid of you I went for a run. I needed to clear my head. I decided to fight it. I was going to meet her today and tell her to go sell her story to the highest bidder because I was going to take pleasure in ruining her for the rest of her life. I had plans to tell you tonight. Keeping this to myself was killing me. But then today Welch found out that the doctor she went to had a questionable history. I sent Taylor to talk to him and he sung like a bird. He said he forged her medical records and she was never pregnant. Why you saw today was Ms. James agreeing to go to the police station and turn herself in. I wanted it on record that she was lying and in turn I wouldn't charge her with blackmail." He is still staring out at the sound. I want to hold him but I know that I can't let him off the hook so easily.  
"You should of told me. You have to stop trying to protect me from all the evils of the world. Cause what you did hurt more than this woman's evil web of lies. I don't even have to ask you if you had sex with her or not." He turns to look at me and he has tears in his eyes.  
"You and I both know that there are evil people out there. We experienced that first hand growing up. I will get over this but I need time. I need you to know that you can't hurt me and say you're sorry and it will all go away. I love you more than I ever thought possible. But right now I don't like you very much. And I just want to be alone. I promised you that I will never leave. And I intend to keep that promise." I had to give him something. I know he's hurting but I can't comfort him right now.  
He looks at me and nods and gets up to leave.  
"I love you Ana I never meant to hurt you. I would kill to protect you."  
With that I am left alone to think about everything that happen today and how all this pain could of been avoided if he was just open with me. I always knew my life with fifty would be complicated. But I wouldn't change that for anything in this world. Both him and Teddy are my life.


	34. MOVING ON

MOVING ON

APOV

It's been a week and Christian and I are still not speaking. He leaves early in the morning and comes home after I am in bed. I have hardly slept between Teddy's nighttime feedings, Christian's nightmares and sleeping alone it makes for a restless night. Christian has been staying in the guest room. I put one of Teddy's portable baby monitors in there so I can go to him when he's having a nightmare. I manage to calm him down without waking him, kiss him on the forehead and head back to our bedroom. I am not sure how we are going to resolve this because Christian is so controlling. I think he's staying away because like me he doesn't know what we need to do to get past this. How does someone fundamentally change a part of their personality? His fierce need to protect Teddy and I is endearing however I want him to consider me an equal. He needs to let me know what's going on. This is our life and I want to have a say in it. I need to sleep I am so exhausted I feel like a walking zombie. As I am about to fall asleep I hear Christian screaming. It's actually the scariest I have ever heard. I jump out of bed and run down to the guest room. I jump in the bed and just hold on to him.

"Christian, baby you're fine, wake up please you're having a nightmare, you're safe please wake up." He continues to thrash about in the bed elbowing me in the jaw. That's going to bruise. I start to cry because I can't help him out of this hell.

"Christian please wake up, I love you baby please wake up." I straddle him and hold his face in my hands. He looks like he's starting to calm down. He's dripping in sweat and he looks as if he's crying. And in an instant he opens his eyes and whispers my name.

"Ana, you're here. Oh god you're here." He pulls me down toward him and I can feel all the air leave my body. It's like he's trying to hold on for dear life. And my fifty is crying, full on sobbing. His face is in the crook of my neck and he mumbles sorry and please don't leave me at least a dozen times. I try to break away to get a damp cloth to help cool him off but he holds on tight.

"I am just going to the bathroom to get a cloth. I will be back." I look into his eyes and I see so much fear in them. It breaks my heart. I walk back into the room and Christian is sitting upright in the bed. I begin to wipe his forehead and his neck. I take off his shirt that is drenched and give him a clean one to put on. After I finish I get up off the bed and Christian just looks at me. I put out my hand for him to take it. Neither of us is going to get any sleep like this. He needs me and I need him it's just the simple truth. He hesitates for a moment but takes my hand. I guide him toward our bedroom and tell him to climb in. I send Gail a text message to ask her to take care of Teddy today. I climb into bed and Christian looks uneasy. I snuggle close to him as he begins to speak.

"Christian, we both need to sleep, neither of us has slept in a week. We will talk when we wake up."

"I love you Ana." He says as he kisses my head.

"I love you too Christian." With that we both fall asleep.

CPOV

I wake up and am pleasantly surprised to find Ana curled up into me. God I have missed her so much. I know I fucked up but I didn't know how to fix it. She was so mad but I think she was more hurt. I never meant to keep anything from her, I was trying to protect her and Teddy and I am afraid I will do the same thing again. I don't know any different. I stare at my beautiful Goddess and think how I can't lose Ana or Teddy. They are truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I feel complete with them. Ana starts to stir, I kiss her cheek gently.

"Good Morning Beautiful." She has a big smile on her face and is blushing like a school girl. She really doesn't know how beautiful she is.

"Good Morning Christian. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you for last night." She sighs and kisses me gently on the lips.

"You scared me last night, it was the worst I have ever seen you. I couldn't calm you down. What was your nightmare about?"

I look away from her because I didn't want to remember the hell I went through last night. Yes the nightmare was different.

"You and Teddy left me". I whispered hoping she wouldn't hear me.

She shakes her head and bites her lip. "Christian, Teddy and I will never leave you. No matter if I am mad at you or not, we belong together. But you need to talk to me. You need to treat me like your partner. We need to make decisions that affect us together. I am not your plaything, I am your wife. I get you have this need for control but I don't want secrets between us. If it concerns the three of us then you need to involve me. And yes it might scare me, but I will never question your intentions. I promise you Christian I trust you with my heart."

I pull her close to me and just hold on to her. "Ana, I need you so much. I have missed you baby."

"I have missed you too Christian. Please make love to me."

"What about Teddy."

"Gail, I texted Gail to take care of Teddy." My wife is not only beautiful but brilliant.

Ana sits up and I begin to take off her clothes. I want to worship her. It's been weeks since we've been together and we both need this. But I want to go slow and touch every part of her. She deserves that. I plant gentle kisses down the side of her neck and her moans send a signal right to my dick. I flip her on her back and slowly pull off her panties. I can see she's soaking. I need to taste her. I pull her legs apart and start placing kisses up her thigh. Once I reach my goal I inhale her sweet scent. I could stay buried in her for life. She places her hand in my hair as I slowly start to lick her.

"Please Christian it's been so long, I need you inside of me."

"Baby I need you to cum in my mouth first. Can you do that for me." She nods yes and I push two fingers inside her and she's dripping. I slowly suck on her clit and begin to pump my fingers in and out. I flip her around and put her on all fours. As I pump my fingers in and out I spread her cheeks and start to lick her rosebud. Ana tenses but I tell her to relax. I resume sucking on her clit and put one finger in her ass and two in her pussy. It doesn't take long for Ana to be screaming my name. I have missed this so much. After her body stops shaking I flip her over on her back and slide my cock inside her. I think I see her eyes roll to the back of her. Ana is spiraling in an orgasm and it just makes me harder. I lose all my senses and start pounding into her. Her pussy wraps around my cock and it feels like it's squeezing the life out of me. I don't know how much longer I can hold on but I want Ana to have at least two more orgasms before I have my own release. She keeps begging me to go faster and harder and how can I deny my girl. I am dripping in sweat she's about to have her sixth orgasm and I know that I am done for it. I shoot my load inside of her and it feels like it's never ending. Ana passes out and I am still buried in her. I know once we wake we're going to both be sore but it was well worth it.

 **My apologies for the delay. Unfortunately tax season, family problems, and then a nasty bout with the flu have sidelined me. Happy to say all three things have been resolved. I hope to update both my stories weekly and anything more than that would be an added bonus. Thank you for all the reviews, good and bad they are appreciated. xoxo**


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